Oh F*ck! What have I done? [sad]

[CompletelyShocked]

Namechanged for this.

After being treated like shit by men for all of my life, I finally met the man of my dreams 2 years ago on a dating site. He moved in not long after we met, we get on brilliantly, he adores my DD, his family have taken myself and my DD on as their own etc...

Our wedding is all booked for next year in Cyprus, lots of family and friends booked to come with us - brilliant, life couldnt get any better!

Until yesterday, for some reason, I put his old username from the dating site into Google - and up came a Transsexual Dating site. I tried to view the profile of this member on the site but had to register to do so. So I did. There's no name on there but hometown, height, starsign, birthday etc. all match with DP . I then sent him a message from my new account on there just asking how he was doing and why he didnt have any pictures on there. He replied this morning (after getting up for work) that he needed to be discreet and was a bit shy.

I have replied again but he's at work all day so not sure he'll get on to reply (if it is DP!).

I'm pretty sure it is though, my heart is racing. What have I done? What if it is him? How do i bring this up with him? Maybe I shouldn't have snooped? Please help.

It is a tricky one. It depends wether he is being disloyal to you on an emotional or physical level. Having sexual encounters that was behind my back would be a deal breaker for me.It comes with lying etc as well - the whole cheating package.

I would monitor the situation, try and find out whether it is def him. Then I would discuss it. I would be non judgemental. He just may have a fetish in this area.

All this really depends on how much you love him unconditionally, But you must remember to have respect for yourself too by being true to yourself. Bugger what anyone else thinks as long as you are true to yourself.

senario 4 he has questions about his sexuality, but is not yet comfortable in asking them, so he is exploring them by speaking to people who have been there but in a relationship capasity. That doesn't mean he wants to cheat, but that he wants to gain a better understanding of how he should be feeling/the relationships he would be exploring if he did go down the route of transgenderism (is that a word?)

CS
What is your gut telling you?

I was in the same position as you a few years ago and went against my strongest urge which was to set my ex up. I didn't I opted (after speaking to a close friend)for a honest chat. He lied through his teeth, incredibly well and all was well until a few months down the line, I just could not shake this strange feeling off. So going onto the dating site, I set up a profile and waited (he contacted me!)and set up a date.

I went through with it, with a couple of friends for moral support. Thank god I did. He realy turned on me and I got to see his true personality.

There was an unshakable urge to carry it through as like you I'd had quite a chequered history with loser men and adored this man- I was fooled.

I have since found love with a wonderful man. It's not all doom and gloom.

I really hope you can sort this out swiftly. Trying to work things through in your head is just the worse, I hope sincerely that it is a misunderstanding.

you need to ask him outright.

it's not ok for him to be on the site, and if it is him, he's answered. you can't marry a guy who's lying to you.

if it isn't him and it's his ex then goo.d but how would she know his user name.

i would ask for a photo - then if it is him you have proof before speaking to him.

am so sorry if this is him

could be an ex. someone i know did this to their ex. You do need some kind of incontestable proof before speaking- as MH says.

am pretty sure it's the done thing to exchange photos before meeting, so get in there first and ask him before he asks you for a photo.

I'm sorry this is happening, Completely.

Im sorry to hear what you have found out about.

Maybe check his history on the phone then you'l know for sure if it is him or not. If it is, then mention it to him, calmly and supportive. If not then dont mention it at all.

it makes no sense for it to be an ex tbh. Unless the ex then started circulating details of the profile to stir it, just creating a profile and then leaving it there on the off chance achieves nothing.

agree with wannabee.

A photo won't prove anything though if it's a friend/ex who has set up the page. They're likely to have photos of your DP available.

Have the messages you've sent between you had definite romantic intentions, or could it be construed purely as wanting friendship?

an ex or 'friend' might have done this so he'd be inundated with messages from interested people. Thought did cross my mind.

oh no, of course, without putting a number or email address he'd have to log in to that account to get the messages. So that's wrong. Ignore my last message

Why don't you ask him for his phone number?

also agree with wanabee.

Ask for his number or a picture. Then you know.

you again?

how do you get money from this, i don't understand?

MN is like an episode of Scooby Doo at the moment

Who, what why etc. is SteveLada and what is he on about?

Eh?

Is this the weird prick who tries to claim he gets paid vast amounts of money for writing his dribble ? How sad that you get all chuffed by attempting to humiliate people.

Lol at £85.