Asked him to go,he did;how do I stay strong now?

[pinemartina]

Posted my story on NPD thread.
On off 3 yr relationship with controlling emotionally and verbally abusive xp ,who came back on white charger in time for baby's birth and has been lovely until yesterday,when he resumed nastiness.Culminating in a visit by midwife during which he told her wild,untrue and mad stuff about me,suggesting I am mentally ill and unfit to care for dc's - eg that I run naked into the road at night and scream at cars to hit me,while he looks after the kids and rescues me.Told her I am lucky to have him and that no one else would ever put up with what he does - said I invite men back to sleep with me every time he is away! Lots more similar stuff.She was horrified and really concerned - for ME..said she had noticed how controlling he is.
When she left,I told him I could not believe the things he had said about me (and to me,this am)and that it had killed our relationship.
He got up and told dc's(in next room) that Mummy had asked him to go and that this time he wd only be back to see baby when they are away at their dads,so wd not see them again.
He asked me to make sure I got a "third party" organised for contact visits to protect him from allegations.
Then he went.
No stuff of his left.
My house.
At home now with 4dc's and 10 day old baby.
Sore after ECS and can't walk much or drive for 5 wks more.Breastfeeding constantly.Weepy.DC'S upset.Feel devastated and needy.now I've done right thing.Scared I'll let him back.Scared of doing this alone.
Really lonely.Have spoken to womens aid.They said I shd contact my local branch in the morning.I will.

Not sure how to get through next few hours.Really hurts.

you can't live like that-you have done the right thing. you will get through this, have you got friends and family to support you? x

You must ask your midwife/health visitor for help, you need all the support you can get.
I'm so sorry this vile man isn't capable of treating you with the love and respect you deserve, he is evil.

Haven't you got any nearby friends you can ask for help?

Oh PM...You poor love. He'd raised your hopes of that perfect thing coming back I think?? And right now when you need to hear it so much too.

You are SOOOOO brave.

Now, get people on your side. Midwives, HV's GP's. Local authority women's services, and if he's allowed you to have any, friends in RL.

If you need to call WA again, and Samaritan's and reread NPD thread.

I am so bloody sorry.

(((PM))) xxx

So sorry pm, followed your story on the other thread.He truly sounds unstable and although its horrible now, i think you and your dcs will be so much better off without him.
Have you lots of support in real life ?

So sorry that things have got so bad. You are so brave for taking this forward and you and the kids WILL get through this. Ring your HV in the morning - am sure she will be able to come around.

no support as I think people keep away because of him.
My parents have bought into him totally and will believe whatever he tells them - prob that I have kicked him out and am mad.They are actually mad.
Baby picking up on my emotion now and fretting,can't latch her.

I am in a similar situation. When I told him of the pregnancy, he began treating me in a very odd way, accusing me of being 'the one who had changed' etc, in our relationship. He chopped and changed his mind about me, and the pregnancy, from week to week. I did not know whether I was coming or going. I thought I was going round the bend.

I found it beneficial talking to a therapist, so that I could understand his behaviour. Suffice to say, that he has been given the boot. I wish you luck for the future. Do not allow him to ruin your life.

You poor girl, how horrible. I don't know your backstory but are your parents abusive too? Sometimes, unfortunately, people who have been badly parented attract hideous abusers like this man, both abuser and abusive parents recognise something in each other and gang up against the victim.
The MW was able to spot a dangerous, bad man: she will undoubtedly be able to help you, as will the friends who he drove away. It will be OK, you are so well rid of him.

Im sorry hes spoilt this loveley time for you, you should be enjoying your newborn.But i think you suspected this nice guy act wouldnt last long.
Try to enjoy your new baby and get all the support you can.

Yes mother npd and has bi polar - supreme gaslighter.Father verbally and physically violent - although old and burnt out now.Both brothers live nearby ,but are v close to our parents and share their view that I have always been a shameful annoying disaster and have nithing to do with me since I "made myself" a single parent for the 2nd time when I kicked 2nd ex h out6 yrs ago.I am now an even greater shame to them all with 5 dc's from 3 exes.Of course,xp makes the most of all this.

hoped it wd last the 6 weeks til I can drive and maybe get breastfeeding established!

Where are you pine?

perhaps there are some mumsnetters locally who could lend a hand?

you have done the right thing, he would have added to the stress.
how old is the eldest?
can the DC help you/themselves?

Oh pinemartina, sending you positive mumsnet vibes, wish that I could do more!

Have to echo other posters, get all the support you can.

Your xp and your parents can feck right off. (my mother has npd too)

where do you live? someone might be able to help.

I'm in SW Wales
Eldest dd's 14 and 12 and are lovely,v helpful.
They are due to be wth their Dad this weekend but have offered to cancel so I am not alone as younger 2 also away.Not sure if I shd let them do this as I wont be much fun and Dad will treat them?

What a loveley gesture from your daughters.Maybe they dont really want to go ?

Good on you for having the strength to ask him to leave. you and kids are so much better off without.

Can the girls go to their dad the following weekend instead? An extra week will make all the difference for your cs scar

Yes their Dad wd probably be ok with that

Its so hard that he left so easily and angrily

So sorry, pm

Please ask (and accept) for all the possible help from all the agencies who are in a position to assist you

I read the NPD thread so know where you were up to. My heart sank when he upped his game (for what...48 hours?) and was not surprised when he couldn't sustain it

You know what you have to do, my love x

Try not to think about him (I have no words for him, to pick on a woman who has just given birth is despicable)

Just be practical, concentrate on you and your lovely kids

Try breastfeeding lying down on your side on a pile of cushions, sniff your babies head and take deep breaths

PM: Remember that your parents and XP are nasty people. Just because there's three of them doesn't make them right. Ignore the lot of them and concentrate on you, your DC and your friends. ALl the best for getting through this.

Hope you're doing ok, stay strong. Remember, if the midwife can see through him on the basis of this conversation during her visit, he is clearly way, way, way out of order and no one should make you doubt that.

(Btw, sorry, you don't know me, I've just seen your name/comments a few times)

Also remember to be easy on yourself, you have just had a baby.

i would ask the children what they want to do.
if they want to stay, allow them.
you need all the help you can get.

come on ladies, who MN's in South Wales?