im shaking with anger just now and ive thrown dh out

[candyfluff]

he has a long standing problem with gambling and so after many years of putting up with it last year i told him if he goes in there again i will kick him out - the day started fine we all went out to the town to do some shopping and take the kids to the park,we split up to get things done quicker and said i will meet you at the park - he's a no show so we leave the park and the first place i look for him is in the bookies and geuss what the bastard is doing - feeding the fucking fruit machine
i tell him to leave now and he comes out for a minute then goes straight back in and continues to gamble
i go back in after a ten or so mins and gives him back my wedding ring and told him he will be locked out when he gets home
ive just put his bag out of the door
dont really know why im posting this other than to vent - feel so let down

[candyfluff]

still no show - want to get the show down over and done with
he is meant to start work at half 5

[candyfluff]

he's knocking on the door - im scared

[candyfluff]

and the windows

[BudaisintheZONE]

You have to stay strong candyfluff. You owe it to yourself and your DCs. Your DH made his choice.

[Ladyscratt]

Imagine a new life, time for you and the kids, money to do things with your children.

New clothes and better things for you. New man who will love and treat you with respect.

Don't let him in!

[BessieBoots]

Hope you're ok.

[overmydeadbody]

You're doing the right thing, just ignore the knocking on the door.

[GibbonInARibbon]

Stay strong and know you are worth more.

Hope you're OK.

[overmydeadbody]

Stay strong, do not let him in, not now.

There will be opportunities later to discuss things, but for now he needs to know you mean it this time and it is really over.

[wheresmypaddle]

Stay strong Candy- I need to be brief as am expecting visitors but my to cut a long story short DP is a 'recovering' compulsive gambler.

In my situation what turned DP around was hitting rock bottom with his finances which resulted in me packing his bags and refusing to continue our relationship until he got help.

Its kinda difficult though because IMO the gambler will only seek help when they truly want to- you can't make them, but you can show them that you really really mean what you say.

If you truly feel that you cannot continue being married to him unless he changes his behaviour (which sounds sensible to me) you have to stick to your word- otherwise he will never believe you in the future.

I am really sorry to say this but gamblers are fantastic liars- so don't just take his word for it if he promises to stop. I would suggest: he goes to GA, he closes all accounts with bookies and self excludes himself from all local ones, agrees that you can ask to see his bank account whenever you choose. He may feel this is some sort of 'intrusion' but my DP agreed to this on the basis that he had thrown away my trust and needed to take these steps to build it up again.

Some couples agree to the non-gambling partner taking full control of the fiannces and giving the gambler 'pocket money' but I was not keen on this idea.

I hope I don't sound smug- DP still has a long way to go and I would be very naive if I said I was 100% sure that he would never do it again.

There is a charity called Gamcare who have a helpline for family of gamblers (as well as gamblers themselves), I think it is a 24 hour line. I have found them to be really really helpful. You will find their number if you google them.

I will check back to see how you are doing when I get the chance, thinking of you, stay strong.

[GladioliBuckets]

Please stay strong, you know you could end up losing everything you own if you don't. If you have to give up the marriage at least you won't have that awful fear anymore. You can start again and keep a roof over your heads yourself.

[blissa]

Hi Candy- saw this was you and just wanted to give my support.

I hope you're ok xx

[ILiveinhope]

Hi Candy

Please stay strong, you and the kids are worth more than this.

[Collision]

bump

[BrokenBananaTantrum]

Hi Candy justwanter to say please stay strong and you are doing the right thing.

Where are you up to atm?

[candyfluff]

well he broke the door down - i mean he pushed it so hard the bolt at the top flew off - cue massive row - him appologising -me crying him saying he is not a gambler because he doesnt go all the time - me saying i gave you 2 chances and instead you stayed there ,he was going to smash the pc up ,tv , phone everything,i was man handled roughly as i stopped him all because i kept asking him to leave he said its his house too and as he is on the lease i cant do anything about it.
he was demanding i gave him our holiday money which we have saved and coz i refused he got very angry saying - when have you and kids ever been without and the truth is never he does work hard and everything is fine but for this gambling
i really did think he was going to hit me and he has never laid a finger on me before i was going to get my neighbour ,he went to work now but has called to say sorry again - i said he's sorry's didnt wash with me - ive heard it so many times.
so how should i proceed now

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Tell him that you cannot live with a gambling addict any more and that the fact that he works hard and you don't "go without" is irrelevant.

[maduggar]

Follow through. Keep him out. He DOES have a gambling problem! He sounds so much like my ex, its scary He woudl only gamble once every so often, but when he did, he gambled everything we had spare.

We divorced years ago when I finally had enough. He still has the problem now, and because of it he has no home, no job and rarely sees our children. I realised it was me who kept the roof over our head and food on teh table, by scrimping and saving when he was going through a non-gambling period. Please get out now

[maduggar]

GA do have meetings for family members who are also suffering, called gam-anon. Maybe worth you getting in touch with them?

[candyfluff]

how can i keep him out - the house is in his name too so surely its illegal for me to do that - he has broke the bolt so now i cant keep him out can i ?
for fucksake im so confused

[ASecretLemonadeDrinker]

You can legally keep him out if he is acting like this. If you feel up to it, i'd ring the police on their local no. and tell them what has happened.

[Fliight]

I#m sorry but I would call the police and ask for ttheir domestic violence people.

You can't sit there waiting for him to come bashing the door down again, is this happening in front of children?

Please call them on the non emergency number, you need help with this.