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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

im shaking with anger just now and ive thrown dh out

436 replies

candyfluff · 10/04/2010 13:58

he has a long standing problem with gambling and so after many years of putting up with it last year i told him if he goes in there again i will kick him out - the day started fine we all went out to the town to do some shopping and take the kids to the park,we split up to get things done quicker and said i will meet you at the park - he's a no show so we leave the park and the first place i look for him is in the bookies and geuss what the bastard is doing - feeding the fucking fruit machine
i tell him to leave now and he comes out for a minute then goes straight back in and continues to gamble
i go back in after a ten or so mins and gives him back my wedding ring and told him he will be locked out when he gets home
ive just put his bag out of the door
dont really know why im posting this other than to vent - feel so let down

OP posts:
SugarMousePink · 25/04/2010 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Curiousmama · 26/04/2010 08:39

Good luck for today.

twolittlemonkeys · 26/04/2010 08:43

Well done, you can relax a bit now, and start to build your new life. Hope you're feeling ok

Original poster
candyfluff · 26/04/2010 09:39

im worried now just called the income support people and they are saying they didnt have any knowledge of him living here for a week and a half - i told them at my interveiw about and now she ia making me out to be a liar - shit

OP posts:
Original poster
candyfluff · 26/04/2010 10:55

agrhhhhhhhhh im fucking fuming - have had to cancel my claim for income support and make a new one coz he was in the house and contributed while he was here so i have to go through the whole interveiw again - im so so angry with him - fucker ,ive also asked him to sign over the tennacny to me and he has agreed.
i just dont need this shit

OP posts:
Curiousmama · 26/04/2010 13:49

Don't worry it'll soon be sorted. You can't claim whilst he's there but he's gone now. Are you really stuck for cash? Did you go and see a lone parent advisor? Has your housing benefit been sorted?

Original poster
candyfluff · 26/04/2010 14:30

im ok for cash as he got the weekly shop yesterday ,council tax /housing benefit sorted.
whats a lone parent advisor - saw someone last week at the job centre she just chatted about work when little ds goes full time school

OP posts:
Curiousmama · 26/04/2010 15:28

Yes sounds like a lone parent advisor. Glad you have food in.

Original poster
candyfluff · 26/04/2010 21:42

had a fright earlier - i was having a bath and i locked the door ??? i dont normally - ds3 was in bed and the other 2 dc were down stairs - i couldnt open the door the handle got stuck and wouldnt shift - much banging on the door for the kids to see if they could open it - lots of tugging from them and i finally got out -phew !!!!
on to the council in the am for a new one

OP posts:
kyotokate · 26/04/2010 21:45

Phew .. How scary.. but you are just doing so well ..

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 27/04/2010 04:57

Still watching this thread Candy. You've done brilliantly. Getting him out of the house was a huge step, well done.

thumbwitch · 27/04/2010 05:14

Glad he's gone Candy - well done for staying strong. Now it's up to him - if he doesn't show any sign of getting help then there is no point in taking him back even if you wanted to, which tbh it doesn't sound as though you do.

He's agreed in principle to sign the house over to you but he might still create a fuss over it - don't give in to any of his blackmailing demands.

I was a bit at the gall of him suggesting you had to take him back before he would seek help for his gambling - he obviously still doesn't see it as a problem! How stupid.

Keep going - you're doing great.

Original poster
candyfluff · 27/04/2010 08:52

thankyou all for your ongoing support - it really helps

OP posts:
Curiousmama · 27/04/2010 13:54

Have you heard back from the council? Make a fuss if not, that's scary. It happened to me when I moved into my first home without dh. Luckily the landlord had a letting agent (he had too as he had such a bad rep) so someone came out and changed the lock straight away.

Original poster
candyfluff · 27/04/2010 17:27

yes they sent someone out as an emergency ??? didnt think it was an emergency but glad its been fixed

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 27/04/2010 20:47

Well done for putting yourself and your dc first!

Original poster
candyfluff · 27/04/2010 21:14

dh been texting nonstop i said he can come see the kids tomorrow afternoon - little ds really missing him the other 2 arent bothered as far as i can tell

OP posts:
Tanga · 27/04/2010 21:20

Make sure it is about the kids - don't let him in, don't let him spend THEIR time trying to talk/argue to you - and don't let him in the house, make sure it is clear he takes them out somewhere. Setting clear boundaries now will save you lots of heartache.

Original poster
candyfluff · 28/04/2010 08:44

ive told him he is to take the kids out for tea
im just so tired all the time ?
plus me and little ds have a dicky tummy so no playschool today

OP posts:
Original poster
candyfluff · 29/04/2010 08:46

so h is now saying he will not sign over the tennancy to me - i knew he wouldnt - so when the two month temporary split is up he can just move back in and there isnt anything i can do about it
that would be the last thing i want - had a hard job to get him to leave yesterday and dd told me that he asked her to convince me to take him back
do you know what he stank and he made me feel sick - i dont miss anything about him at all

OP posts:
twolittlemonkeys · 29/04/2010 08:55

that he tried to get your DD to convince you to take him back!

I have no idea what you can do regarding the tenancy as the last thing you want is him back in with you. Can you get advice from the council on this? It can't be right to make you live with him against your will just because his name is on the tenancy too. Hopefully someone will be on to give you more useful info soon. Stay strong, it's good that you don't miss him at all

prettylegsgreatbigknockers · 29/04/2010 09:36

my h got my five year old to do that, and when I said no, told her that I was mean.

It made me more determined to not have such a despicable man in my chidren's lives.

Draw strength from that. There will be a way through this.

Original poster
candyfluff · 29/04/2010 09:42

i think i need to get advice from the citizens advice

OP posts:
maltesers · 29/04/2010 09:44

WEELL DONE YOU for being so strong and brave. The best thing you could do you did and hopefully he will now listen. He may bugger off for a while but i suspect if he has any feelings for you and the kids he will come back and tell you (eventually ) that he is going to stop his bloody gambling and work at his marriage and being a dad to his kids. My Ex DP used to go to the Casino pretending he was on the golf course...we had noe money then and i was buying the food. He just sat in the pub, drank , smoked and gambled...the bastard. I kicked him out in the end for being physically aggressive towards me. That was 2006 and i still wish him nothing good even now. !
I hope you get it sorted and he wants to come back and try harder ,,,if that is what you want of course. Best wishes and good luck ! Stand up to the man. !! xxx

thumbwitch · 29/04/2010 12:06

Get onto the council asap about it - see if they will remove him from the tenancy agreement given everything that has happened. Do talk to CAB as well; and Women's Aid might have some useful hints and tips too.

Keep going - you're doing the right thing - the fact that he has tried to use your DC against you just shows how low he can stoop, as if you didn't have enough reasons to be shot of him.

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