Midlife crisis

[moviegirl]

only just joined this site today so be gentle with me! Am 41 year old mum to a wonderful eitht year old boy. Married for 10+ years.
Last Sunday my husband, following another major drinking session said he didnt love or trust me anymore, hated his job, life everything. Am devastated. Nobody is perfect and neither am I. Got into debt a few years ago and he had to bail me out. Had a breakdown. But he forgive me and helped me re-build my life. I got a fantastic (and highly paid) new job a year ago and everthing was going well or so I thought. He now says he hasnt forgiven me for the debt and never will

He has swanned off for a buisness meeting and is intending to stay away until Monday night "to sort himslef and his life out" Meanwhile I am left here to put on a brave face to son and my elderly paretns.
Have gone from loving him to hating him and back. Havent eaten for days nor slept.

Feel like such a failure and bad wife.

Not coping well at all, any advice for me?
My hubby is 47. thanks

okey doke the hair goes - am looking at styles as we speak

going to a very posh hairdresser too -- payday at end on week so am really going to make sure they cut it well....

will take DC with me - maybe they will let him make first cut - he would love that

might keep hair and use it when I bbq DH's stuff - as if!

DC's reaction to his Dad leaving - "he isnt taking my Wii with him is he" - says it all!
and no he hasnt taken the wii - will need that for when I get wii fit out of box and start to exercise again.

Thanks - I am worth it - we all are

Go and get some fresh air, relax a bit, meet up with some friends if you can.It is not always a good idea to put on a brave face as it prevents the real issues from getting dealt with. Best of luck, Hoppa.

thanks hoppa - have done all of that

gues it is the quiet moments alone at night that are the worst and the insecurities and doubts come and the mind goes into overdrive.

cannot believe he would want to stay in some scabby static caravan all on his own to this and he keeps laying the guilt trips on me which of course he denys. He has lost weight mind you-- hope he doesnt waste away to nothing

did i mention DH's brand new front tooth fell out the other night - when he was eating a kiwi fruit - suddenly there it was on the floor looking at him

oh the irony of it all!!

I've just read through your thread - how are you doing moviegirl?

The birthday cake comment made me laugh :D

Particularly as it coincided with some texts from my twuntish ex-h, demanding I apologise to his mum as however many months and years ago she bought my (three year old!) dd a watch, and dd left it in a pocket and it doesn't work after going through the washing machine! And apparently I'm sad, pathetic, 'repugnant' and starting an argument as I was astounded that he's just demanded an apology for me washing this watch.

They beg belief sometimes, don't they :D

moviegirl i hope that you are well. Your husband is a bit of an ego. The b-day cake was him "getting-off" on himself. He is not going to get over himself until you get over him.

YOu have to find some distraction. Concentrate on yourself. Only you will make you happy in the end. So go on

Its been a month since I was last on here, so here's a bit of an update.

As you know he moved out in April. He is living in North Yorks apparently and has to travel approx 120 miles each day now to see DS.

After three weeks apart (and I know you will all hate me for this) I honestly thought the living alone and constant travelleing back and forth would see him ask to come home, tail between his legs, full of remorse. BUT NO!

I received an "email" on bank holiday monday with words to the effect " I think we have both realised it is time to move on... "" ER Hello - No!!! Acutally I was giving you time to think which is what you wanted. I would have taken him back with open arms, still love him despite everything.

But now he says its over and that we "both" have to start new lives. Oh and by the way we still have to go on our Pre planned family trip in 2 weeks for our DS birthday treat. What an arsehole.

I have missed you all so much - your words of wisdom and support have been invaluable. I havent been on as I wanted to concentrate on trying to get back to normal and not spend hours on this thing Addictive though it is!

Just found out tonight (by accident - him not covering his tracks) that DH has been hacking into my email account and reading everthing I have sent in the past god knows how long. I sent an email to my sisterin law yesterday who has been great, telling her everything. He read it and forwarded it to himself - but of course I found out!

Am so furious with him. And to think I have to go on bloody holiday with him in a week. And even worse i still harboured thoughts of getting back with him.

Please help me move on girls/boys whomever. I know I need to but it just hurts so much.

Oh and I did get my hair chopped off - it looks fab, I look years younger and DH was furious

over to you all

hi MG, great news about the hair (errr....what right does he have to be furious ?)

what a twat he is...and you need to stop thinking that his opinion is of any worth to you

I wouldn't go on that holiday, love

you go with just DS, or take another friend with you

it will be torture...nothing is worth that

you are "moving on", right ? (his words)

playing a charade of happy families while he rubs your nose in it, and you feel like a plonker for hoping to reconcile with this ridiculous alcoholic....no way would I do that

extricate yourself properly

Good lord no, how can you go on holiday with him after all this? You will have a seriously shit time, guaranteed. Or worse, you could have a great time and revive all your hopes of a reconciliation, only to be dashed harder than ever afterwards. It's not fair on DS to have his birthday trip hijacked by a pair of adults with relationship issues.

do NOT go on holiday with him!!

you go with DS - or let him take DS.

dont have any choice for holiday next week. Train tickets and separate hotel rooms booked. I dont drive so we get a hire car for when we are down there and he can ferry us about. Couldnt bear to be away from DS on his birthday so letting him go on his own or even me is not an option.

i find it very very strange that he wants to go at all - he didnt bother with DS for 9 years and now he is trying to be father of the year? Guilt trips perhaps? who knows

He admitted the breach of emails this morning. Said he wanted to make sure I wasnt getting into debt again now that i have taken control of "my" money seeing as we are still married. Told him that once next week is out of the way we draw up divorce papers and finish it for good. The breach of trust with the emails was the nail in the coffin for me. Will not harbour any more thoughts of reconcilliation any more. Will enjoy next week for DS sake.

i will get over this i know it, just will take time. one thing at a time. Get the holiday, divorce and 2010 out of the way and then start taking driving lessons early next year. Never realised how tiring it would all be though. I am up at 5am and not back home until 6pm - then DS to see to. Am in bed by 9pm most nights - not gonna get many shags in the future on that schedule am I Which is why learning to drive is a must

One amusing thing, DH told me that a pal of his told him you will know when your wife is getting over you cos she will loose weight and get her hair cut!! No wonder he nearly died when I walked in from hairdressers last week!!! And I have lost stone and half - mainly due to sick feeling and loss of appetite.

living well

....the best revenge of all

yes everyone says I look fab at the moment.

Getting my hair chopped off was the best thing I ever did - got myself a couple of new outfits and shoes which I intend to parade around in next week - now do I wear wedding rings or not I wonder - would hate to miss an opportunity when I am away

Seriously - took rings off a few weeks ago(just like all the celebs do) but when it came to putting them in jewelry box I couldnt do it - had to put them back on again - was really strange. Perhaps when divorce finalised i will be able to do it.

Have booked DS and I a week in London in the summer. WE both love our capital as there is such a lot to see and do - got a great hotel in central location with pool and stuff - so will focus on that trip next. Going to try and book a couple of shows also too. Onward and upward.

Funny how men think that we can get over 11 years of marriage by buying a new outfit and getting hair done - its just not that easy unfortunately - maybe it is for them.

He did at least come and speak to my parents today. he hasnt for over 2 months and they are both in ill health and certainly didnt deserve any of this stress and upset. he has been avoiding them whenever he went to see DS but seeing as we are having a little early birthday tea party on Monday i suppose he felt he had to say something sometime. he was very pleasant and my mum didnt stab him which is very restrained of her Think they both think a reconciliation is on the cards though!!

Hi Movie

Good to hear how you're getting on

A shame about the holiday - it will be but good to hear that you're doing ok

Can see just a huge difference between how you're doing now and when this all blew up orginally - am sure that your parents and your DS will see the difference too

Chin up, tits out and one step at a time xx

thanks for that.

met DH on internet 11 years ago and he ended it by email - so much for technology

just hope that at 41 there is still someone out there for me

a rampant rabbit is one thing but the thought of never making love again absolutely destroys me..... especiallly considering DH was one and only lover. Late starter but made up for it with him and loved sex once i got the hang of it ..... so much to give just hope I get the chance again

strike that..... I WILL GET THE CHANCE AGAIN - 38FF's out!!!

you will, MG, you will

Blimey, you're looking like a good candidate to join the Dumplings with talk like that, I've always fancied a Movie evening.

am much too young and innocent.... only had one man so nothing to compare with - I suppose he could have been shit all these years !

would embarrass all you dumplings by my lack of experience

such a young flower ........

Wow moviegirl, I'm at work and have just spent the past 40 mins reading your thread from the beginning. You are amazing! I've never written on anything like this before but you've inspired me to do so! I found out my DH was having an affair in March but he acted like a twat for months before I found out, we are currently still together - just- and going to Relate. I've never experienced anything so tough in my life, we've got two gorgeous kids aged 2 and 5 and he can't see how good he's got it, must be the geordie mentality. Reading your messages has given me the hope that if it doesn't work out there is a future out there. Why are there so many hapless selfish blokes out there and so many women picking up the pieces!! I love and hate him in equal measure. Stay strong! if all else fails go shopping!!