Midlife crisis

[moviegirl]

only just joined this site today so be gentle with me! Am 41 year old mum to a wonderful eitht year old boy. Married for 10+ years.
Last Sunday my husband, following another major drinking session said he didnt love or trust me anymore, hated his job, life everything. Am devastated. Nobody is perfect and neither am I. Got into debt a few years ago and he had to bail me out. Had a breakdown. But he forgive me and helped me re-build my life. I got a fantastic (and highly paid) new job a year ago and everthing was going well or so I thought. He now says he hasnt forgiven me for the debt and never will

He has swanned off for a buisness meeting and is intending to stay away until Monday night "to sort himslef and his life out" Meanwhile I am left here to put on a brave face to son and my elderly paretns.
Have gone from loving him to hating him and back. Havent eaten for days nor slept.

Feel like such a failure and bad wife.

Not coping well at all, any advice for me?
My hubby is 47. thanks

I KNOW i have to start the housework but............ laptop wont leave me alone

Have had an email of DH with a list of stuff he wants to pick up tomorrow. He is calling around tomorrow to see DC and get his birthday present off him (I havent bothered) and havent decided whether to give him card or not. He actully suggested that we all go oout for lunch but I am really not sure

any suggetions - if we are having some space between us surely a nice family lunch wouldnt be correct or am I wrong here?

whatever you do, stay in control and don't be longing for his affection again. Let him do all the running.

Beginning to think there is an OW

They follow each other on twitter but both have blocked accounts so cannot see what is happening

maybe I am just getting paranoid - low moment?

MG- there could be another woman but better to focus on you and feeling good about yourself. Admire/indulge yourself, socialise, exercise, even flirt a bit if that makes you feel alive....but don't spend much time worrying about DH. Life is short and precious.

yes i know i should do all of those things - just a low moment and too much time on here

would rather know though - he has moved out (supposedly to the area where she lives) but in truth he could be anywhere.

hate all this absolutely hate it.

moviegirl - you are bound to feel low love, it is such early days. I don't think lunch tomorrow is a good idea at all - you're too raw, and still adjusting, and he needs to know that you need the space to sort yourself out - how could you all go out and play happy families, then go home without him? Not worth the grief, in my mind. Also, and very importantly, might be confusing for dc? Go easy on yourself, don't expect too much from yourself, but don't put yourself into situations with him that will take extra effort and cause distress. If you can't face him tomorrow, then leave the bag of stuff on the doorstep, with a note, and his pressie from dc, and go out? And try not to focus on OW - she may or may not exist - but you definitely do! So put yourself first.

Take care...you really are doing well!

thanks Saffy - like I say, too much caffine and time surfing on internet plays havoc with the mind.

Have a good clear out in the bedroom. His VERY expensive Armani suit is just haning there...... am soooooo tempted

Get those scissors girl - what are you waiting for!! Think of it as payback...therapy...whatever! LOL

I would but could also sell it on Ebay and then treat myslef and DC

will leave it am sure he will want it when he comes tomororw.

Yeah flog the thing on Ebay - and any of his other stuff! Then go out tomorrow, and leave his pressie on the step. When he phones to ask where the bag of clothes was - say "Well, I left it there...oh noooo, I hope it hasn't been stolen". Hahahaha

moviegirl- is there anything that you have really wanted to do that you can now focus on? Time to get you mojo back or whatever they say?

unfortunately couldnt leave present on step - he has key to get in and if I went out then my elderly parents (who live with us) would be left with all the flack and hassle.

best just see how he is.

am trying to focus on practical things at moment and DC. had a nice morning out with him tonight and we are both on settee watching BGT and the prisoner later - with a good selection of board games too

have been getting back into my books (love reading) so that has been a good distraction, especially late at night. Have a wonderful job so want to make sure nothing affects that - people i work with have been totally fantastic (GP's) they wanted me to take time off but i wouldnt - love my job sooo much, I am very lucky, and some days it is that and DC that keeps me happy.

better than staying in bed moping all day.

Ahhhh Sunday morning - five hour Dynasty omnibus bliss

Waiting for DH to turn up for his birthday stuff and pack more of his belongings

BEGGARS BELIEF

so he came to get his birthday present of DC and pick up more of his stuff. I tried to be strong but got upset again (not in front of DC I hasten to add) He packed loads of his stuff whilst I made a cuppa.

He asked what we could do today - to celebrate his birthday. I said I didnt want to go out but that there was nothing stopping him and DC going out for lunch somewhere - SILENCE. Guess if you dont bother with child in 9 years you aint gonna start now. He then asks if I have bought him a Birthday Cake!!!!! Coudlnt believe it, at that point I left house to go and get Sunday paper. Told him if he wanted to go out with DC he could. F*ing birthday cake - sure and candles and party bags the whole works. Of course we could all go out and have a "family" day together like everything is hunky dory.

He left. Cannot beleive him. I then get a text saying he knows how much i am hurting but would have thought that I could have put him and DC first on his birthday!! Told him he was on another planet.

Cannot believe it - think perhaps he is mentally ill

A Birthday Cake - a bloody Birthday Cake...words fail me. He screws up his marriage, breaks your heart, and he wants a cake! Tell him he can't have his cake and eat it!!

lol

wish I had thought of that one - would have texted him with it.

My mam and dad simply couldnt believe he said that - made them laugh though.

glad its not just me though or else a person would go mad. Should have bought a bloody cake and lamped it at him

It would seem that on his way to whereever he is staying he has stopped off and bought himself a birthday cake - going to drop by on way home tomorrow night with a slice for DC.

Sooooo glad he has his priorities right!

maybe I should text him and suggest where he puts the candles

Good idea, but make sure he lights them first!

quick vote people please

Have very long hair - down to waist. Over last 20 years have either had it very short or very long. DH liked it long so he could put it during relations and so that I could drape over his...............

now toying with idea of having whole lot cut off this weekend - fell I need a new look
DC not keen - has always known mummy with long hair and I must admit it is easier to keep long - just tie it up during the day etc..

so what to do - dont want it mid or shoulder length as it never suited me - leave well alone or go for the chop..... over to you

how old are you ?

over 30...go for chop

under 30...keep it long only if yoy want to and it suits you

that is a pretty controversial comment, however....long hair on over-30's is a bit emotive

Chop

New start new hairstyle new you

Go for it

am 41 years old

had really short hair when dH and I met right up until DC was born then too much trouble to look after + DH liked long hair for reasons as above.

chop it is then

Have it cut - because you're worth it!

in that case...chop

it will take years off you