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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Are you 100% certain your dp/dh would never cheat on you?

457 replies

thesteelfairy2 · 11/03/2010 17:14

if you are why do you feel that way?

I am truly interested in the answers to this seeing as Mark Owen has joined the long line of celebrity cheating ar*eholes.

Also when I first met my ex h I would have bet a £million that he would never cheat on me. Even though it was in my face I trusted him implicitly because of all the things he said and his reactions to other peoples infidelities.

I personally am of the opinion that all men cheat given the opportunity, don't flame me though these are just my personal experiences of men. I have been in the army and worked mostly in male dominated environments so have extensive experience of random men and their relationship habits.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 11/03/2010 17:18

women cheat too though.

wannaBe · 11/03/2010 17:19

and ultimately, relationships are built on trust. If you trust someone then part of that is trusting that they will be faithful, if you don't believe that then you don't have the trust and thus the relationship is doombed to failure.

MathsMadMummy · 11/03/2010 17:19

Yep I trust DH 100%. Don't think I could be happy in the relationship if I couldn't.

ninah · 11/03/2010 17:21

I would have said so about my ex - boy was I wrong!

frogetyfrog · 11/03/2010 17:23

Absolutely 100%. I just know - dont know why. He would never ever forgive me if I cheated - he left his last long term, live together girlfriend as soon as he heard she had cheated and didnt look back. He hates it if people lie to him and doesnt forgive it. He never lies and is just simply genuine guy. He hates cheating in others, cant understand it, and just wouldnt do it. I do know, however, that if things started to go awry between us and he started noticing other women he would tackle the issues between us and if unresolved, leave. He would never stay and cheat.

daftpunk · 11/03/2010 17:24

100% certain dh would never cheat on me...

...he's so ugly no one else would touch him...

frogetyfrog · 11/03/2010 17:25

Also, he says he fell in love instantly upon seeing me, and has loved me ever since. I asked him why and he said we just fit and he cant imagine ever being with anybody else even though we have our ups and downs. Cant understand it as I am not pretty or particularly nice.

Lindy · 11/03/2010 17:26

I agree with what wannaBe said in that yes, I did trust my DH 100% to be faithful and never believed that he would cheat on me............but he did.

izzybiz · 11/03/2010 17:26

I don't think you can ever say "he would never cheat" but I am pretty sure Dh wouldn't.
We have talked about it before and both agreed that if either of us ever met anyone else or started to feel that they wanted to be single we would have the decency to tell the other.

As much as it would break my heart to lose him I couldn't bear to be treated like an idiot.
He can be such an old man at times (he's only 31) I'm sure he couldn't be arsed!

Anniegetyourgun · 11/03/2010 17:26

Logically, either as many women as men cheat, or a very few women are having all the fun

Joolyjoolyjoo · 11/03/2010 17:27

Nope, nothing in life is certain. I don't think he would and I hope his family is worth more to him, as he knows I have strong feelings about this. But I don't think I could ever be 100% sure about anyone! I just have to settle for trust.

BravoJuliet · 11/03/2010 17:27

Steelfairy, I was reading the comments about this on the daily mail website (yeah sorry, flog me) and so many of the male posters make comments like 'good on you' or some long lecture about how women are stupid to expect monogamy and only have themselves to blame when they don't get it.

Ewe · 11/03/2010 17:28

I don't think I could ever 100% trust anyone else to do/not do anything, we're not formulaic beings, everyone is different and you can't ever be completely positive in another persons behaviour imo.

I can only be 100% about what I can and can't do and will and won't do.

sarah293 · 11/03/2010 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GordianKnot · 11/03/2010 17:32

no
why would anyone be?

MarshaMallow · 11/03/2010 17:32

Nope....I've always believed that there was a chance that my DH could cheat.

I just don't think it's in my nature to have 100% belief in anything, life's full of too many 'ifs and buts' for that level of commitment.

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 11/03/2010 17:33

What's with the whole all men are capable of affairs? I know it's just your opinion, but honestly...

Women are perfectly capable of cheating too - if you can't accept that then you need to take your head out of the sand.

Morloth · 11/03/2010 17:33

hmmmm not sure. I am not 100% certain about anything in life really. Shit happens.

I do know that cheating for me is an absolute deal breaker. I know other people can work through it, but I wouldn't bother. My time/self respect is worth more than that. DH feels the same way.

We talk a lot and I trust him to tell me the truth as I do him, otherwise what is the point of a relationship? If he is unhappy in our relationship then as an adult I expect him to tell me and we can either work it out or move on, but dishonesty is really not an option.

JackSpratt · 11/03/2010 17:35

I don't trust anyone 100%

And don't give me any sad face crap.

Its called realism.

NoahAndTheWhale · 11/03/2010 17:35

I'm not 100% sure - I don't think anyone can be.

Original poster
thesteelfairy2 · 11/03/2010 17:36

As has been said before I think mostly when women do it, it is very much an emotional thing for them they are not able to compartmentalise their emotions in the way that men can.

For the the majority of men that cheat I am of the opinion they are quite able to do so without feeling guilty because it has nothing whatsoever to do with their wives or relationship, it really, really doesn't. It is the woman who has to point out to the man what an absolute betrayal it is. As long as they don't get caught it doesn't count. I have seen this more times than I can remember.

I have seen men with gorgeous new girlfriends (so no chance the wanting to shag all day buzz has worn off), who they claim to adore going out on the pull and pulling random not nearly as nice looking women. For me there is no sense in that, I physically and mentally could not do it, it would not even occur to me to find someone else attractive when I am in love but men seem to manage it with no conscience.

OP posts:
CantSleepWontSleep · 11/03/2010 17:37

Yes I'm sure. He's just not interested in that sort of thing, and beside that, no-one would want him .

templemaiden · 11/03/2010 17:37

"Logically, either as many women as men cheat, or a very few women are having all the fun"

Not if the women the men cheat with are single.

CrowAndAlice · 11/03/2010 17:40

I think Dh would have to fall hook line and sinker - i don't think he's the casual affair type*. I don't think it will happen but who's to say. I'm 100% sure right now but you never know do you.

*Unless Shakira's car breaks down outside our house one dark night......

BravoJuliet · 11/03/2010 17:40

Totally agree TSF2. A lot of men who are caught are in good 'relationships'. The cheating was a pass time. Like racket ball or something. So I don't think many woman can be 100% certain her husband won't cheat because they have a strong relationship.

Also, wrt the point about if men are cheating with men then just as many women must be cheating, I don't think so. I think the women the men cheat with aren't married. (mostly)