Are you 100% certain your dp/dh would never cheat on you?

[thesteelfairy2]

if you are why do you feel that way?

I am truly interested in the answers to this seeing as Mark Owen has joined the long line of celebrity cheating ar*eholes.

Also when I first met my ex h I would have bet a £million that he would never cheat on me. Even though it was in my face I trusted him implicitly because of all the things he said and his reactions to other peoples infidelities.

I personally am of the opinion that all men cheat given the opportunity, don't flame me though these are just my personal experiences of men. I have been in the army and worked mostly in male dominated environments so have extensive experience of random men and their relationship habits.

not all men cheat.not all women cheat. gross generalisations really only add to poon hound male and loose knickered women stereotypes

if one has had the anecdotal experience that all men cheat, that is your subjective opinion.but still does not wholly become applicable to all men or women

to those of you mums with sons, do you automatically assume he will be adulterours/unfaithful. if you believe men have predeliction to unfaithfulness does that include your dad, brother?

do you assume the same of daughters, mum sister.do women have a predeliction to infidselity

It's turning into a similar vein as the porn threads always do, which is depressing - the same tired old statements : "all men are capable of cheating" = "all men use porn" which is patently untrue.

For those that say there is no such thing as 100% certainty - You are saying that 100% of people are capable of cheating - can you see the irony?

I've heard these sorts of statistics before, which is why it's so depressing, I try to put these things to the back of my mind and be trusting, then i read this stuff and get a horrible sinking feeling that it's only a meter of time..

btw I find porn mind numbingly boring, I think DW has a penchant for it though..

98.6% of statistics are made up 87.8% of the time.

statistics are a blunt mean figure they have no causal or social value

I find our fascination with this bizarre

It's like we think about it ALL the time on these talkboards (especially the posters who spend HOURS telling us that they don't worry about it )

The fact is that it happens all the time. People are unfaithful. But I don't see why that has to be the end of the world. I think we talk ourselves into this perfect view of marriage that is going to fail.

I recommend hanging around lots of old people for a bit of perspective

Mal, I don't think all men are capable of cheating, I think all people are capable of cheating. I don't think all people will, I think all people can.

Posie, I'm a person ( well I was the last time I checked ) I'm not capable of cheating under any circumstances, ever, if I no longer loved my husband I would leave him and vice versa, believe me, if I was ever that attracted to another man it would mean I no longer loved him.

There are many things I am capable of , I'm certainly capable of killing someone to protect myself or my family, ( watches as everyone backs away slowly ) , I'm also capable of lying through my teeth to anyone but DH, an unfortunate vestige of my childhood.

LeQ, these men you speak of aren't nice , sensible family men, they are out and out liers who don't love or respect their families, they actually sound quite patholgical. I don't really understand how your husband can bear to be friends with them, knowing what he does - to me it's like continuing a friendship with a wife beater or paedophile .

if I was ever that attracted to another man it would mean I no longer loved him

This is just nonsense

I am attacted to plenty of men, thanks, I still love my husband

If I chased them all into the stationery cupboard then I might doubt my feelings of loyalty but how attracted I am towards other people is irrelevant

I said If I, not if anyone else, it applies to me only.

I have never been sexually / physically attracted to another man since the age of 16, if that makes me weird or dysfunctional, so be it .

I've not said I expect my husband to feel the same and I don't, he loves women so it's highly unlikely he's never been tempted, he's certainly been "hit on" .

Even SGB concedes there are obsessively monogamous people, it's just one end of the spectrum.

I think for me what it boils down to is that, I believe DH is capable of cheating (as are 99% of people), but I don't believe it is likely he will cheat. Likewise I could rob a bank but it isn't a likelihood because I choose to abide by the law.

Cheating like anything is a decision - sometimes one made on an impulse, but a decision none the less. Remaining faithful is also a choice.

I didn't go into my marriage thinking either he or I would cheat. I went into my marriage knowing that I trust him not to cheat and that I had no intention of cheating. He also understands these things about our relationship and so we trust each other and remain faithful.

The trust is the key though, and this is based on the fact that knowing each other as we do that neither of us will cheat. I trust him to do what he has promised to do despite the fact he is capable of breaking that promise.

potty - agree with your sentiments.

My exh (then my bf) used to loan his flat to a colleague who was having an affair - this would have been a good fifteen/twenty years ago. I vaguely knew said colleagues wife but I would have never taken it upon myself to tell her. None of my business. AFAIK they are still married.

I was also aware that another of his mates had been unfaithful once but again I would never have thought to tell his partner.

And once many many years ago my then bf went on a boys weekend and most of the boys (my bf said he wasn't involved went with one woman.

The men involved in the above are a spectrum of oridnary men from professional men to manual workers.

I am always surprised when people are surprised that their dh has been unfaithful tbh. I can only conclude they have lived in a kind of bubble.

This has nothing to to with my upbringing my dm and df have been married for 50 years and AFAIK neither have strayed.

Juzt think I have always been acutely aware of the fallability of people and relationships.

I was not unfaithful whilst married for 13 long years to my h (now exh) - I suspected he was although he denied it vehmently.
Towards the end had the opportunity had presented itself I would have had an affair if the opportunity had presented itself. My marriage was dead as a dodo, I was miserable as sin and I would have felt perfectly justified.

I don't see the need to make a clean break between two relationships although I have scant respect for those who can't exist without being in a couple or who just want a partner for the sake of it.

I suppose if Johnny Depp or Nigella Lawson came to life from our fridge magnets then either one of us could be tempted - otherwise I'd agree with Mal and other posters who firmly believe they wouldn't (and haven't) cheated.

morningpaper I think the fascination with this subject on this forum may stem partly from the number of posters who suddenly find out that their partner has been cheating on them and lying about it - it creates a ripple of "could that ever happen to me?" among some others, although not all.

Of course you can be attracted to other people and still love your DH or DW and want to stay with them. Bizarre idea that you can't, frankly. It's all about what, if anything, you do with this attraction.

There is something rather quaint about the expression "making a pass", isn't there?... Rather hides the actual sleaziness of it.

UQD, I haven't seen anyone suggest otherwise.

I never said it was abnormal or wrong to be attracted to other people, at all - just that I never have been - why is that so difficult to understand for people?

Oh dear I just asked DH if he trusted me 100% and he said yes with regards to cheating etc the only thing he does not entirely trust me on is the fact that I don't always tell him the exact truth about how I am feeling (which is a fair point).

If he asks me the same question back (I was asking him via text) it would come across badly if I said no I don't trust you 100% and I don't think you should trust me 100% either - wouldn't it?

I just agree with those here who have said that no-one can trust anyone else 100%. I don't think I trust myself that much!

So the fact that I've said that I can and my husband can, is what, irrelevant?

You can tell me you think it's ill-advised or misguided, you can't tell me I can't know it!

Are you replying to me Malificence?

I trust my husband 100% but that is different from 100% believing that he would never cheat.

I trust him until he loses my trust by cheating. That to me is what trust is -having faith in someone without guarantees. Trust isn't really trust if there is no possibility of that trust being betrayed.

If we were alone together on a desert island I would know he wouldn't cheat but I couldn't call that trust.

Interesting distinction, fizzpops. I'm inclined to agree.

I trusted ( belief is exactly the same for me) my husband just as much when he was in the Air force and away for weeks, sometimes months ( for almost half our married life ) as I do now now he's practically never away from me.

My husband's word is my guarantee.

My analogy is religion - I don't believe in "God" but I wouldn't presume to tell someone who does that they can't possibly believe 100%.