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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Are you 100% certain your dp/dh would never cheat on you?

457 replies

thesteelfairy2 · 11/03/2010 17:14

if you are why do you feel that way?

I am truly interested in the answers to this seeing as Mark Owen has joined the long line of celebrity cheating ar*eholes.

Also when I first met my ex h I would have bet a £million that he would never cheat on me. Even though it was in my face I trusted him implicitly because of all the things he said and his reactions to other peoples infidelities.

I personally am of the opinion that all men cheat given the opportunity, don't flame me though these are just my personal experiences of men. I have been in the army and worked mostly in male dominated environments so have extensive experience of random men and their relationship habits.

OP posts:
Malificence · 11/03/2010 20:06

An unequivocal YES, I know 100% that he would never, ever cheat on me.

BessieBoots · 11/03/2010 20:08

No, I am not certain. I used to be, but I think that, though he loves me, he probably would be tempted by someone he doesn't see every day, smears of flour on face, changing nappies etc. I also hold the rather depressing view that you don't ever really know your DPs: We all hold a bit of ourselves back, to make us more lovable.

Malificence · 11/03/2010 20:13

For whoever said we are all capable of cheating, I'm absolutely not capable of deceit and neither is my DH.
Neither am I deluded.

Portofino · 11/03/2010 20:18

The stats would leave me to believe that not one of us could be 100% trusted. With DH, I could imagine if some uncomplicated sex was the on the cards he might go there...much less likely to go for long term emotional stuff. He likes his family life and home comforts too much to risk it.

heQet · 11/03/2010 20:24

Nope. I wish I was but I'm not. tbh I have suspicions about the past with him, but nothing recent and nothing I can prove. I think the number of people who would cheat if they thought they could get away with it is probably very high and the number of people who would answer yes to the question "would you have sex with someone other than your partner if it was 100% guaranteed they would never ever find out" is higher than anyone would like to think.

Or maybe I just have very little faith in human beings.

Goober · 11/03/2010 20:27

He wouldn't.
That is that.

Lizzylou · 11/03/2010 20:31

If my DH did cheat then I and (almost) everyone who knows him would be gobsmacked, he is mr reliable, steadfast and trustworthy.

However my parents divorced due to adultery (both sides) and I know of a few Dads from school run (in seemingly v happy marriages)who have recently left their families due to their affairs.

So whilst I trust DH I am in no way complacent, it could happen.

pickupthismess · 11/03/2010 20:33

In 25 years I haven't caught him cheating and he's a crap liar so I am guessing he hasn't. Plus he is very loving and caring to me and the LOs and we have such fun so why cheat???? But then why do any of them other than it is on offer (Mark Owen I'm looking at you)? I'm going to cross my fingers and say 100% sure my DH wouldn't

oldenglishspangles · 11/03/2010 20:40

I would hope that he would but men and women are made by humans but programmed by mother nature. I feel lucky that I cannot imagine being in a position that I would ever want to cheat on DH I would hope the opposite holds true. We cant predict the future - I am sure that for every 2 serial adulters there are people that have had affairs that would say, I would have bet my childrens life that I or my partner would never ever had an affair.

HappyWoman · 11/03/2010 20:41

no - but i trust myself to do what is right for me now!

SugarMousePink · 11/03/2010 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldenglishspangles · 11/03/2010 20:44

should be the same holds true for dh not the opposite holds true

oldenglishspangles · 11/03/2010 20:47

should be the same holds true for dh not the opposite holds true

sanfairyann · 11/03/2010 20:49

I can't say 100%, I like to think 98% but it's the 2% chance that keeps me on my toes . if I thought he was a sure thing, he would be less interesting somehow, in a weird way. otoh if i thought he was putting it about left right and centre I'd be hacked off to say the least

FrazzledDad · 11/03/2010 20:51

I don't think you can be 100% sure. I thought I was until my ex did it.

She said she says she thinks we all have the capacity to do it give the right (wrong?) circumstances. May be she's right.

electrofagz · 11/03/2010 21:07

My dh would not - he is completely crazy about me and the dcs and is slowly turning into a geek anyway. I get propositioned now and again but I would not either - I am quite risk-averse and like stability even though I have fallen in love with another man during my marriage though rejected his advances over several years without a single ounce of torment.

I am not OTT about adultery - my father was a serial flirt and used to tell us really funny stories about his 'conquests'.

OrmRenewed · 11/03/2010 21:09

No. Of course not.

I don't think he would. Neither would I. But then I don't expect a tsunami or a lottery win. Stuff happens.

jenduff · 11/03/2010 21:12

Interesting discussion - right here right now I'm certain that at the point in which our life is there is no way DH would cheat, but who knows what is round the next corner.

I do think that it would be very unlike him to cheat - he's a real homebody and doesn't particularly like socialising so can't see opportunity presenting itself much; I think the guilt would destroy him and I the thoughts of having the DC all to himself all weekend if I found out and left him would be enough to scare the living daylights out of him

BrahmsThirdRacket · 11/03/2010 21:15

No I'm not sure he wouldn't. I'm not sure I wouldn't either. So I don't see the point in getting hung up on it. I probably wouldn't chuck him over a random shag but I would if he was running a whole parallel relationship.

Fimbow · 11/03/2010 21:18

Tbh I think it depends on the man. My ex who I lived with for 3 years wouldn't think twice about it. It's the reason we split up. When they have done it once, they will do it again and again and again. He was the life and soul of the party type person, flirting will all in sundry.

Dh on the other hand is quiet, not much of a socialiser, I was his first proper girlfriend. Yes I daresay he might cheat, but I really can't see it. Plus he would end up telling me straight away as he would never be able to live with the guilt.

4andnotout · 11/03/2010 21:20

I'm not 100% as you can never get inside another humans head, however I would like to
think he wouldn't. On a practical note
I don't think he could as he spends 99% of his free time with me and the dc's (the 1% fishing with my dad!) and she would have to be a cheap date as I control all the finances!

ItsGraceAgain · 11/03/2010 22:24

Oh, gawd. I shouldn't be posting to this thread - blame the cheap sherry I've been reduced to drinking (Thanks, Aldi )

All that guff you've read, about the evolutionary peremptive for MEN to spread their spunk around, comes from Victorian theorists who went a bit overboard due to the simultaneous discoveries of sperm & evolution ... and were Victorians, who thought ladies don't like sex while men do [rolls eyes]

The very few, statistically sound, studies that have been done on the subject (so far) have indicated that women are more likely to 'stray' in search of genetically superior sperm donors! If you stick with evolution theory, this makes total sense because of the massively greater female investment in children. Acting purely on genetic code, you're far more likely to keep seeking a fresher, better inseminator than to stick with the first one you thought was OK.

If the above doesn't sound right to you, stick it in your cultural pipe & smoke it for a while - you know it makes sense

Having said that, most apes (not all) live in tribal family groups and we are apes. There is a strong incentive to keep a family together, as we trust our family members and look out for each other. This affects males as much as females. Each gender is likely to be tempted away from the family tribe by another, if they have attractive qualities.
Since most (not all) tribal apes live in male-dominated families, the boss male is actually the least likely to stray, as he's well sorted for food & love (and has loads of children to protect), while harem members and non-dominant males might well find their offers are better elsewhere

Summary: If you really believe your partner would never be unfaithful (nor would you), you might be right. We are a more evolved species of ape, with free will and a conscious conscience. But, if you believe men are "programmed" to be unfaithful - you're also right, and maybe you need to recognise that you're even more programmed that way!

Ahhh. Got my Pendant fix for tonight! Thanks!

lookingahead · 11/03/2010 22:37

so pretty much everyone who has been cheated on says they were 100% that their DH would never cheat ... until they did. I was exactly the same for so many of the reasons that others have given on here. H was totally anti affairs told me he loved me every day, was too 'lovely, lazy, stable, honest, trustworthy' etc to ever do that.... Now 5 months on I am a single mum to 1 soon to be 2 DCs' I would have put more money on my house being swept away by a tornado. We never know what twists and turns life has in store for us so I'm not sure that anyone can say 100% that it will never happen to them despite how many promises about honesty etc you have both made to each other. People change sometimes when they least expect it or want it.

BravoJuliet · 11/03/2010 22:42

If you leave your first successful inseminator, there is social stigma (in some circles), and how can you persuade the second inseminator to provide chunks of wilderbeast the offspring of another inseminator!??

mollybob · 11/03/2010 22:44

100% sure - he's too honest, too crazy about me and needs me too much to even consider it