How do you accept that you won't get an answer to all your questions when you split?

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

It's so hard! H is still gone. We have minimal contact now and I am formal with him. I do occasionally ask him why he has thrown us all away so easily when he promised he would try to win us back (and I know I shouldn't), he just shrugs and looks sad.

I don't want to write the whole back story, so here's the short version:- H depressed for 3 years, took everything, gave nothing, became emotionally abusive, broke all his promises, broke my heart, I asked him to move out as it was hurting all of us too much. Things are easier now. Lonely, but safe.

But I want to know how he can be normal with everyone else and not with me.

I miss my best friend

And he's gone. And I want to know why he could choose to be the person he is.

He's been even worse since he moved out.

How do I move on from the "But why?"

I know time is the answer, and there is no other, but it's so unfair. My thoughts have revolved around his feelings for 3 years with no energy spare for my own. I'm beginning to think of me again. Bit by bit. But then I get caught back in the 'why?' and I feel drawn back in.

no, never disappointed

only sorry that you feel that way

AF you're a good 'un.

He's such an idiot.

You know? For everything he's done. For everything that's happened. He's not a bad bloke. He's not.

Don't get me wrong. He's a fucked up, not got a clue what's going on, twat of a bloke.

But he's not a bad bloke.

Never thought I'd be the romantic fool. I'm really quite a cynical, sarcastic bugger.

you don't need to be bad to be fucked-up

there wouldn't be much hope for any of us then, would there ?

what, in particular, are you "not doing so well" with ?

or just feeling a bit shit, in general ?

Just let him in again.

let him into your head ?

or right back into your life ?

bit of both

I have just spotted your other "old fool" thread

You are getting loads of good responses there, so I won't keep poking you for information on this one

I will head over there x

Hi,just read this thread through,can I join in.I am on NPD thread and struggling tonight with very similar/identical feelings about x -this despite my postings on NPD which demonstrate what a shite he is.I know if I phone him now and sob,he will come over and hold me and say lovely things all night and I will feel ok - until he gets irritated by the dc's first thing in the morning and blahblahbkah.
Won't do it,no risk.
But the feelings are really hard to bear.
Eldest dc's away 2nite and just discovered all dc's away for Easter holidays with fathers.
Leaves me in wks 36,37,38 pg,alone missing a psycho bastard with NO IDEA how to spend the time....
YKNC I so identify with yr feelings.I am so down on being 42 with 5 kids by 3 bastards and a full time job trying to keep everything afloat.My 2nd H sounds a lot like yr stbx. disappeared into depression and passive aggression.Now this x is a raving bloody arsehole.
When is yr baby due?
It is so hard being pg with all this.It makes emotion so squshy and engulfing and anger really hard to access even when it's intellectually obvious.
Anyfucker yr posts are always spot on

thanks, pine

I am a regular lurker on the narc thread and am always rooting for you girlys over there !!

AF is the loveliest.

pinemartina you describe what I feel. He will say all the right things, but he can't follow through at the moment. He's not got a PD diagnosis, but he's got a sever depression diagnosis, and that can include plenty of horrible symptoms.

What you say is so true.

Hi Crunch, sorry to stalk you .... but can you take a look at my thread here and give me your thoughts please?
Ta
WhenWillIFeelNormal has given some great advice and I'd love to hear if it's ringing any bells with you given what you've been through.

Apologies for hijak