I understand that some women do not have sex for a variety of reasons, I believe I did actually say that earlier on. Some of the reasons being medical, some due to depression etc.
BUT when a married man is trying to get his mistress into bed it appears to be the common lie that his wife withholds sex from him, that they drifted apart years ago, that they only live together for the kids sake, that he sleeps in a separate bedroom etc. Yet when he is found out it appears that he is still living with his wife, having sex and she is oblivious to what's happening.
ineedabodytransplant - I did not say that you were lying. You are not trying to get another woman into bed are you? Your situation is completely different.
I've gone through bouts of not wanting sex at all and so has my dh. It has pissed either one of us off at times, but we've sat down and we've talked about it. Ok, yes sometimes we've lost our tempers, called each other names, but the main thing is that we acknowledged the problem and worked towards fixing it.
If you have a problem of any kind in your marriage and your partner refuses to acknowledge it, then I would seriously consider the future of that relationship. Because whether it's lack of sex of lack of communication, both parties have to try and reach a compromise. If your wife refuses to talk about it, refuses to go to Relate whatever, then ultimately she is being extraordinarily selfish. Marriage is a two-way thing, there are compromises to be made. If one of you is willing to work things out but the other isn't, then I don't hold out hope for that relationship.
That is not to say that the partner should go and start an affair, especially with another married woman. If it comes to the point where you've tried and tried and the problem is not resolved, then you have to sit down and be honest with your partner. Sex is a basic human need and it's also our way of showing love to another, of growing close to them. A marriage without sex is not a marriage. If they can see how unhappy you are and are yet not willing to even try, then I would call it quits.
Children or no children - you cannot stay in an unhappy relationship. The kids will pick up on it anyway. Happy parents really do equal happy children and getting out of a relationship like that gives you both the chance to find happiness in your own ways.
Going behind your partners back however just leads to more unhappiness and hurt. No-one can move on whilst an affair is in progress. Affairs are all about lies and deceit and I don't know how lying and deceiving your partner can be good for your marriage. Esp in the OP's situation where both parties are married - that just doubles the hurt and pain that it will cause. I've seen the devastation first hand, it ain't pretty. And in all my years on Mumsnet, never has an affair fixed a marriage or gone unnoticed.