sex dilemma

[sophie69]

Hi everyone,

I am a married parent so is simply so lonely. I met a married man recently and his is just adorable. He listens to me, is affectionate, is a gentleman. We talked about our lives and our partners and both miss a sex life. We both want the same thing- to enjoy each other maybe once a week, but remain in our relationships. He is unselfish and just wants to satisfy me, which is so refreshing and new.

I am just so tempted to say yes and enjoy an afternoon of love making. It has been so long and and i dearly want to be help and to experience some fun. He has offered to make it all about me- I can control him and use him for my pleasure.

He really is a sweetie and a gentleman and I just want him so badly. Am I a bad girl for wanting this so so much?

[RubyPink]

Agree with you Victorine, these things are not always so black and white and secrets can be kept if they have to be

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

Ah, that old chestnut - that the spouse may never find out. What if your spouse does know Victorine, or heavily suspects? What if these mens' wives find out, even years after the event? In your shoes, I'd be constantly looking over my shoulder. Not a nice way to live. And how do you really feel, being intimate with a man you have cuckolded?

As for Ruby's "something to help you get by" - the stress and guilt of an affair are just about the worst antidote to having a crappy time in life.

Rhubarb isn't self-righteous, but she is standing up for the maxim that we should treat others how we would like to be treated ourselves.

I had hoped the OP had taken my advice and gone away last night, but I'm appalled to see she's back here and has the insensitivity to say it doesn't matter to her that other women have gone through pain. I guess that's how she's managing to dehumanise this chancer's wife - as long as it's not her pain, it doesn't matter .

The appalling thing is, while her H is no doubt working today to feed his family, his ghastly wife has been getting her kicks - in a park, or in his bed. And when this all hits the fan, he will lose custody of the children. Sickening.

[TrippleBerryFairy]

I think sophie69 (if she's real) did not read any of the responses or if she did then she did not understand half of them.

All the tosh about 'he's a gentleman and I feel so special' indicates that sohpie is very naive and quite a silly girl. I bet her poor DH is one and only relationship in her life because she clearly hasn't got a clue.

'but we both agreed that it was just our secret'- clearly you think this agreement is going to last, don't you?

Oh dear...

[Rhubarb]

Oh fuck off! Really, go and fuck right off. Because you've never been cheated on right? Well should that day come and you feel as though you've been shat on and spat at I hope you remember this conversation where no-one gets hurt.

Have you read the posters who have been very very hurt and upset by this thread? Do you not have any compassion for them? Or are you all so selfish that you couldn't give a shit, you're just happy to add to the hurt by telling them how happy you, the adulterer, is. Talk about rubbing it in!

If you had an ounce of decency you'd be honest. But let's face it, you don't want sex with your husbands or you'd be trying to achieve that, you want your bit on the side whilst hubby remains at home paying the bills.

So excuse me for sounding so personal and righteous, I'd rather that than be a selfish, disrespectful, lying cow.

[OrmRenewed]

"i bet anyone else would have done the same thing. "

No they wouldn't. That's what most people here have been saying

[VictorineMeurent]

Are you inthe Victorian age Rhubarb and WWIFN? I don't think the situation in many famillies these dys is of husbands out at work to put food on the table or "paying the bills" - being able to find a bit of time to be with your lover doesn't mean you are not the main earner or don't have a profession or career. I'm afraid there are plenty of people who post on here who just want the world to conform to their norms - i.e. anyone who has sex outside their marriage will be found out, disgraced and unhappy forever ( no doubt tarred and feathered too if they had their way). No this isn't fairy-dairy fantasyland but the real world where sometimes not conforming to norms does work out for people - and we are not all horrid trollops, some of us are really quite nice people.

[drloves8]

sophie69 , if its all about feeling special and alive , wtf do you need a OM ? can you not do that for yourself? whats wrong with you that your happiness is dependent on other people? go see a shrink ,
have a word with yourself and get a grip.

[skinsl]

You made promises to your husband when you married him. You are now breaking those promises and nobody deserves that.
You didn't say I promise to love you until I feel shit and need someone else to love me.
Fix it with your husband or start over if it isn't working. Don't do this to him and your om's wife while you are all still married.

[Rhubarb]

Victorine dear, no I live in the moral world where you make promises to someone and keep them.

It doesn't matter if you are working or not, you got married and had children. Is it the norm for you to go running into the arms of another married man the minute something goes wrong?

It might be the cowards way.

A stronger person would try to fix what was wrong in their marriage first. You don't say that you tried to do that, was it not worth the effort? Are you staying together for the sake of the kids? Oh how noble of you!

What about the married man? What about his wife and kids? Or do they simply not figure?

Secrets really do have a nasty habit of being leaked out. Tell me, how many people would it hurt if your secret were to get out? How many?
Is it worth the risk? Worth hurting all those people? And how would you live with yourself afterwards?

This isn't about bloody feminism, this is about decency and honesty. Things you probably can't even spell.

[drloves8]

rhub sums it up well actually.

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

VCAU sorry, Victorine, given that I run a successful business and work, no I'm not from a Victorian age. I have no idea whether Sophie works, but I bet her husband does - and that's where he was today while his wife was shagging around.

There's nothing remotely Victorian about treating people with decency and compassion, even on this thread.

[Kactus]

...after finding herself agreeing with Rhubarb.

[AnyFucker]

there is another thread running concurrently on here about how a woman who had an affair bitterly regrets what she did

she got royally dumped by a player, and humiliated to boot

perhaps Op should read that one

or all the ones where cheated wives pour out their heart about a partner who withdrew affection from the marriage to lavish it on someone else

just a thought...

[posieparker]

Either you are a teen or you just write like one. Sort your sham marriage out, first. Have sex with your husband, because he will have similar needs to you and will be acting upon them. I don;t understand why anyone who obviously needs a sexlife looks outside a marriage....

[VictorineMeurent]

Well, I don't suppose many people who have happy endings (and there must be a few) post on here about it.

I just find all this vitriolic "fuck off" stuff a bit childish - everlikely men are unfaithful with more sophisticated ladies if this is the sort of fishwife attitude they have to put up with at home!

Why should ladies who stray be in parks or their lover's beds? A nice hotel with a log fire and a roll top bath - at least 40 miles from home is a much better scenario. (yes, I go halves)

My children have long flown the roost, so no problem there - they are nice tolerant young ladies so would probably understand.

[RubyPink]

Well said Victorine, the attitude on here towards affairs is so narrow and inflexible. What if you had already tried to 'fix what was wrong in your marriage' and it just hadn't worked? What if you felt really unhappy and took a small chance of happiness when it came along? The secrecy is necessary to stop people getting hurt

[abbierhodes]

If there's nothing wrong with it Sophie, tell your husband. I'm sure he'll understand, after all, he must want you to be happy

Do you have kids? Does he? Because I sincerely hope you don't, you don't deserve them.

[sophie69]

i loved the experience and i don't feel like i am morally wrong. my only partner to date is my husband, but after years of no sex and no intimacy it is not something which is going to change. today was beautiful, gentle, and harmed no one. yes, yes lots of people will rant and say it does hurt people in the long run etc etc, but today i feel good and i feel happy. is that so bad?

he was gentle, he did not treat be badly; in fact he made me feel special and was kind and soft. is it so horrible to enjoy the sensation, and to experience something new. no one else know, and i feel alive and invigorated. i plan to meet him again and sorry but i feel good today looking ack what happened. I am 35 and still young enough to feel sexy and young. I gave myself to someone on my terms and it was great. Its my choice if there will be a next step and what that will be. if he makes requests of me now I can choose to say yes or no.

so please don't throw bad language or insults at me and just be happy for me. thanks to victorine and ruby; they make me feel content with my choices

[abbierhodes]

Why won't you answer people's questions?

[cjn27b]

Is feeling alive, sexy and young all worth putting your relationship at risk for? You say you're very happy with your relationship, so I'm geeting the impression once the initial excitement has worn off things might get very tricky.

Why not sort out the lack of sex and intimacy within your relationship as this whole situation has highlighted it's a big issue for you. Have you considered taking yourself and your partner to a sex therapist? BARST (the British Association of Relationship and Sexual Therapists) have a list of qualified people all over the country. Don't feel awkward about going - the fizzling out of a sex life in marriage is terribly common and they will have seen it a hundred times before. They can work wonders, and you've nothing to loose.

[dignified]

WEll I think affairs are right in some circumstances, even if they are fraught with problems. yes, some men lie, but I have met two who have most definately been denied sex for 10 years by women who expect them to carry on as if nothing was wrong .

Snort. You know what they chose to tell you, not necessarily the truth.

If a man is being denied sex for 10 years its probably because hes either shit at it, or else hes got charecteristics that make him unattractive to his wife and therefore she stays away.

So really, the denial of sex is just one of many symptoms of difficultys in a marriage and not a direct cause. And hes probably caused it himself, how many women want a sexless marriage?

What sort of woman is flattered by the attentions of a man whos a proven liar and a cheat? Really i think some of this is about women pissing on women ie " oh i must mean much more to him than his wife and family ".

Hehe , my EH did all this shit with his tart, told her how special she was, how we never had sex ect,how awful i were, and they were sooo in love.

Funny then that when it came out he dumped her and claimed it was meaningless. Hes now free to lick her fanny 24 hours a day but for some reason he doesnt want to. Seems he misses his family. Funny that.
And guess what, now someones licking my fanny hes not happy about it {grin}

Everytime i see him hes struggling not to cry . Probably he didnt want to listen to her shit full time and she obviously didnt want to wash his skiddy boxers.

The main attraction in any affair is the illusion, fantasy, the ridiculous image they both project.

Affairs are ok for those who need an escape from reality, or those who are too frightened to have a real relationship.

Op, as stated earlier, send me your dps details and i promise ill awaken his interests. Think about me sucking his cock while he complains that your so shit he never has sex with you anymore.

Feels good doesnt it {hmm}

Clearly a wind up, but some of the attitudes on here are a bit much, particularly when some posters are clearly upset. These women who say affairs are ok clearly have problems with their self esteem.

[AnyFucker]

abbie, because he/she is not real

[AnyFucker]

< shakes pom-poms for dignified >

[RubyPink]

Dignified, no problem with my self esteem, maybe you have one with yours?

[dignified]

everlikely men are unfaithful with more sophisticated ladies if this is the sort of fishwife attitude they have to put up with at home!

You might be right there. Maybe if i was more sophisticated and let my H lick my fanny in a public park things mightve been differant!

WWIFN might be able to confirm this, but im sure ive read that often the affair partner is less attractive than the spouse. Having seen some of these monstrositys these affair partners are its no wonder they creep round in secret !

When i saw the beast my eh had been messing with i could see why he was embarressed and didnt want anyone to know!