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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

sex dilemma

205 replies

sophie69 · 23/02/2010 00:11

Hi everyone,

I am a married parent so is simply so lonely. I met a married man recently and his is just adorable. He listens to me, is affectionate, is a gentleman. We talked about our lives and our partners and both miss a sex life. We both want the same thing- to enjoy each other maybe once a week, but remain in our relationships. He is unselfish and just wants to satisfy me, which is so refreshing and new.

I am just so tempted to say yes and enjoy an afternoon of love making. It has been so long and and i dearly want to be help and to experience some fun. He has offered to make it all about me- I can control him and use him for my pleasure.

He really is a sweetie and a gentleman and I just want him so badly. Am I a bad girl for wanting this so so much?

OP posts:
ACretinoidPsychoanal · 23/02/2010 00:43

So answer my question then....

Why don't you turn it round.....

How would you feel if your DH shagged another bird? and met her every week to do so?

dignified · 23/02/2010 00:45

If it was my husband you were talking to like this id beat the crap out of you to be honest.
Loved and special my arse , sureley you dont beleive his crap ?
He has " offered " to make it all about you? Sounds like he thinks hes doing you a favour.

I assume your dh knows nothing about this, and if so, thats not on. If your going to shag, he should have the same options.Is that ok with you ?

Why dont you go to counselling either alone, or with your dh to sort this out.?

Your gentlemanly sweetie married freind is a proven liar and a cheat, do not be that naive that you think hes not lying to you as well.

You say he misses a sex life.
Hes either
a, lying and regularly shags his wife
b, his wife stays away from him, either cos hes a cheat or a pig, or hes got a small cock and hes shit at it.

Why are you so eager to jump into bed with a man who openly states that his own wife doesnt like to have sex with him.

If you insist on getting a bit elsewhere, please do it with someone whos single. You have no buisness messing around with this mans family.

JeremyVile · 23/02/2010 00:47

Would sex definitely be on the table?
You've already discused these logistics?

Whta kind of table is it?

dignified · 23/02/2010 00:52

I think this might be a wind up.

If its not, how on earth can you be certain he is safe?
For all you know he couldve been doing this for years, and so could his wife.

Re the kids and marriage stay,, i wouldnt bank on it. If i found an email like that his stuff would be on your lawn and he could lick your fanny every day .

Dont think your kids would like it though !

Anyway, im single, where abouts are you?
Depending what he looks like , Im sure i could reawaken your dhs interests. Perhaps he could lick my fanny for an afternoon !

You wouldnt mind would you?

dignified · 23/02/2010 01:02

Shouldnt laugh but i can just hear it, wind up or not

" I miss sex, my wife isnt interested because i cant do it properly. Perhaps i can do you a favour and lick your fanny for you ".

Post again when his wife finds the emails and beats the crap out of you.
Oh, she,ll probably send them to your parents as well along with everyone you know.

JodieO · 23/02/2010 01:05

dignified why would his wife want to "beat the crap out of her" when HE is the one that promised to be faithful? Sorry I don't understand the logic of blaming the other person and not the partner.

dignified · 23/02/2010 01:13

Theres no blaming the other person instead of the partner , id blame them both, him for being a cheating idiot, and her for having the nerve to knowingly stick her nose into my family.

JodieO · 23/02/2010 01:17

Only one person has promised you anything though, your partner. There is where the blame lies, you can't "tempt" someone away unless they want to go.

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/02/2010 01:22

I hope its a strong table

EcoMouse · 23/02/2010 01:22

Dignified, absolutely.

Just because (the theoretical) she made no promises, doesn't mean she's entirely lacking in accountability!

JodieO · 23/02/2010 01:25

EcoMouse she isn't the one you have to hold to any accountability though, only your husband.

EcoMouse · 23/02/2010 01:25

I think the table ought to be as strong as a bridge.

PearlyDewdrop · 23/02/2010 01:28

As 69 isn't your birth yr just thought I'd point out that unless this significant number has a different personal significance to you the whole situation is already a done deal cause your gagging for it!

EcoMouse · 23/02/2010 01:38

JodieO, not in my opinion, as already stated.

Similarly, I wouldn't knowingly enter into a relationship with a man who already had a partner. Would you?

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/02/2010 01:39

ohh but some bridges are not strong...and need extra support

you'll see!!

EcoMouse · 23/02/2010 01:42

Brilliant! I do like to be able to put a face to a name

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/02/2010 01:44
Wink
dignified · 23/02/2010 02:04

I dont give a toss what shes promised me, she,d know full well ive got a family and yes, id have something to say about it, just like i would anyone else who caused my family pain and distress, in whatever way.

Other random people hurt us, hurt our children and our familys.
Do we ever say ah well, they never promised us anything so their not accountable if they knowingly break into our house / mug our kids / steal our car/ make our lives miserable ect cos they never promised us anything.

What sort of logic is behind the idea that a woman who gets into bed with someone elses husband is not jointly accountable for the break up of that family?

Would you not hold me responsible if i broke into your house, distressed your children, and disrupted their lives on the basis i never promised you anything?
Bollocks.

And Jodie, yes, people can be tempted away, its a common theme on these boards. Often when affairs are discovered and analysed it is often down to something within the cheater that caused the affair,, depression, vulnerabilty, low self esteem, inability to resolve problems , whatever, its hardly the wonderfullness of the new woman, who usually gets dumped like a hot turd when wife finds out.

People love this idea that if he wasnt happy he wouldnt have done it because it makes them feel better and makes the cheated on person feel like shit.

The thing is, if you hold this beleif that men wouldnt do it if they wasnt happy, do you also beleive that if you had such a man, youd better keep him happy, otherwise he will have an affair?

Op if this isnt a wind up, your not better than the wife, nor more funny or interesting nor do you have a better tasting fanny. You are available and a sordid cheap secret, thats it.

gtamom · 23/02/2010 05:15

Why don't you and your husband have sex?
Why can't you get tarted up for your husband, and have sex with him?
Is there something wrong with him? Do you love your husband?
If he found out you were carrying on with someone else, what would he say/do?

This guy you want to have sex with, how long have you known him? Have you ever met in person before, or will this be the first time you meet in the flesh?

flimflammum · 23/02/2010 06:22

Hairy handed trucker from Wisconsin

Petitioner · 23/02/2010 06:45

I have a friend who has been in this exact situation (I don't know the detail about the sex but the 'he makes me feel special' theme is there)

She started off feeling in control. It was about wild sex and theirs was a sexless marriage. It was about two sexy people not hurting anyone else but getting what they needed whilst protecting their families from a break up. Exciting, loving (but not threatening to the marriage.... except she did love him because it's easy to fall in love with someone who makes you feel like this)

Today: all children know. All friends know. Most have disowned her. Her son called a her a whore last night. Her new man claims she chased him and has scuttled back to the wife that didn't understand him. The wife is traumatised. The kids are damaged. The husband is distraught and my friend is drinking too much and neglecting her children because she's so wrapped up in how she can get her fix of sex from a man who doesn't care about her.

Open your eyes
I didn't make this up

Fix your marriage or leave it.

Lunatic · 23/02/2010 08:14

It will be lovely for a while then will go Pete Tong large.

If you go for it, enjoy it while it lasts and get ready for smashing into the pain wall.

Better option in my opinion is to say to hubby that you really need a right good servicing before cobwebs take hold in your (insert personalised name of appropriate part) & would prefer to go to the Main Dealership rather than find a cheap & nasty garage but it's for him to choose. And choose NOW. I bet he'll firstly shit a brick then head out quick for a bumper pack of Viagra & red bull (forgetting the massage essential oil & candles probably but you can fine tune later)

LaurieFairyCake · 23/02/2010 08:21

No-one talks like this

you are clearly a weirdo-wanking-troll

AnyFucker · 23/02/2010 08:24

wind up

next !

Anniegetyourgun · 23/02/2010 09:37

I took a violent dislike to the OP when she (?) said "i am 35 and i will only be young and thin for so long".

Some men prefer a body with something to get hold of rather than the feeling of a bag of bones grinding together, you know! And, as they say, there's many a good tune played on an old fiddle.

ps SGB would remind us that monogamy is not for everybody and that one partner withholding sex from the other for years is unkind and unfair. However I am fairly sure she would also say that sneaking round to get it behind your partner's back is not the way to go.