sex dilemma

[sophie69]

Hi everyone,

I am a married parent so is simply so lonely. I met a married man recently and his is just adorable. He listens to me, is affectionate, is a gentleman. We talked about our lives and our partners and both miss a sex life. We both want the same thing- to enjoy each other maybe once a week, but remain in our relationships. He is unselfish and just wants to satisfy me, which is so refreshing and new.

I am just so tempted to say yes and enjoy an afternoon of love making. It has been so long and and i dearly want to be help and to experience some fun. He has offered to make it all about me- I can control him and use him for my pleasure.

He really is a sweetie and a gentleman and I just want him so badly. Am I a bad girl for wanting this so so much?

clear it with your dh first. if he's happy, go ahead. if not, then fix your relationship.

Yep Talk to your Husband. Tell him you need affection and love and sex.
Tell him if you can't get it from him you're breaking up with him and you can arrange access to the children.
See what he says. Maybe he wants to break up.

Oh come on y'all, this is clearly a troll.

It's not "safe" and "just fun" - and you only have his word for the fact he doesn't have sex with his wife (the oldest line in the book, btw, alongside the fact that she 'doesn't understand me'). Chance are she loves him, they have sex several times a week and she is blissfully ignorant of the fact her husband likes to take advantage of vulnerable women.

Thought of that? BTW, a 'gentleman' wouln't cheat on his wife. But you justify what you've already decided to do any way you like, love.

Leave it girls, this is a wind up. She/He/It is not going to answer your questions or even read all your responses.

She wanted her little wind-up and she got it.

You're just feeding it now. Report thread then leave.

I think you may be right Rhubarb but I just wanted to say how cruel it is.

I am now in floods of tears, shaking and don't quite now what to do with myself. I am suffering the fall out from exactly this behaviour and this really got me.

Petitioner said:- Today: all children know. All friends know. Most have disowned her. Her son called a her a whore last night. Her new man claims she chased him and has scuttled back to the wife that didn't understand him. The wife is traumatised. The kids are damaged. The husband is distraught and my friend is drinking too much and neglecting her children because she's so wrapped up in how she can get her fix of sex from a man who doesn't care about her.

This has made me 100 times worse.

Well, I'm not at all sure she is a troll - I've been called one (I've name changed for this ) by one of the troll callers on this thread when I was involved in a real moral dilema.

I've been down this path a couple of times now and it doesn't work. Most of us can't help getting emotionally involved, then it ends badly. The pattern someone has mentioned above of a few weeks of joy and excitement followed by being accused of pursuit is par for the course. The guy you thought of as a prince turns out to be a (big fat) frog. You spend 2 weeks being very happy, 3/4 weeks wondering why, 3 months being devastated and in recovery - it isn't worth it when you add up the costs/rewards.

The oral sex thing is very interested - i have twice thought that I was onto something with a new lover because they seemed so very keen to offer it - then I realised it is probably the first thing to go in a matrimonial relationship that is failing sexually, and the one thing that most women long for to feel really loved and accepted - so Bingo - if he is trading on that I think he is really a player.

The OP may need to do this to truly learn and understand these matters, but it will cause pain, if only to her.

Just a point - if you have an OH who spends lots of time on sport, neglects you, falls asleep in front of telly, shows little affection and devotes himself to causes outside the home why is that viewed as normal and OK and yet meeting up once a week or so for some enjoyable sexual activity in as responsible way as you can is viewed with outrage and derision? It seems to me the former is far more reprehensible than the latter.

Don't understand Karmann, enlighten me please.

Sorry for any confusion - in a terrible state right now.

I am suffering from the fall out of exactly this kind of thing, i.e. my OH and OW and what Petitioner said is exactly what's happening now.

Casual sex with married people is never uncomplicated. It hurts everyone involved.

Why can't you have sex with your partner? And even if there is a good reason for that would he know about this arrangment? And regardless of that, why does this bloke's partner not matter? I suspect she'd have an opinion?

If none of this matters to you why ask for opinions? Go ahead and take the consequences?

Ah, so you are the wife?

Yes well, I do think this is a troll and they really have no idea how much they hurt people by getting their childish kicks.

Which is why it's surely better to report and leave than fuel the thread?

Yes I am the wife. And I agree with leaving this thread but just wanted to point out how hurtful this kind of wind up is.

you ok karmann ?

I have seen you give valuable advice on other threads and you don't deserve this. Please don't let a fantasist like this wind you up. They get their kicks from it.

how did the walk go? did you find a big enough table in the woods?

hope you found your bridge too, now please stay there

Thanks for asking. Have to admit I am not in good shape right now but hopefully will get better. Got a friend coming over.

I think the valuable advice has come in calmer times. Thanks again - it's much appreciated. It's a sick way to get kicks, especially on a forum invaluable to help people in difficult situations.

yup

Sorry to hear this Karmann. People just don't think and the way the posts were so cold and selfish, it must have hurt thinking that could be real.

The fact that she actually had someone agree with her too.....

Not worth your energies. Yes these people do exist in real life but this thread is an example to how little respect they get. I hope you can take some comfort in that.

Whether a troll post or not, it just proves that there are plenty of absolutely vile people out there.

There have been some really horrible threads on MN this past few days, not just this board either, while I'd normally get stuck in, I'm dealing with huge loss and grief and guilt at the moment, so I'm not really emotionally up to any argy bargy.

There are always consequences and fall out from a betrayal, it's like setting off a grenade, the fragments veer off in lots of directions, over which there is no control.

you ok mal ?

I will be AF, thanks for your concern , I have DH to take care of me, even though it's his loss too.

If you look on my profile and pictures, you'll see why I'm so sad, it seems really inappropriate to talk about when there are so many people are having far worse times of it than me but I'm devastated, to put it mildly. It doesn't help that I've barely slept since Friday.

Really sorry to hear about your loss Mal - I'm thinking of you.

Karmann, how awful for you that this idiot, whether real or trollish, has caused you such pain. I came across this last night just before bed - and I was incensed by both the post and some of the responses. Thank God for Dignified and although I know it hurt, Petitioner's input.

Had I read this even a few months ago, I would have felt similar to you. I'm glad you've got RL support. Do tell your H how this has made you feel too - these horrible flashbacks and triggers go on for a long while.

I am also getting increasingly irritated with posters who seem to think that an affair is right in some circumstances - or justifiable as a punishment for a partner's behaviour. For Christ's sake, there is always an alternative choice, but of course that usually means having less money - or perhaps working for a living .

aww, mal

am assuming your pet has died, that can hit you very hard if he/she was a long-treasured member of the family x

WEll I think affairs are right in some circumstances, even if they are fraught with problems. yes, some men lie, but I have met two who have most definately been denied sex for 10 years by women who expect them to carry on as if nothing was wrong - and go without. There are far worse things than seeking comfort with a kindred spirit. The main thing these unfaithful spouses mentioned on here have got wrong is making if possible for their spouses to find out and get upset.

Oh and how do you know Victorine that these men had been denied sex for 10 years - did you occupy their marital bedrooms simultaneously for all that time?

As for the only thing the betrayers did wrong was getting caught, well words fail me

Oh fuck off victorine.

If your marriage isn't right you either try to fix it or you leave. If the women are denying their husbands sex (we only have it from you that is the case and no doubt you have heard that from the men in question so it must be true ) then surely the right thing to do would be to try and work on that issue. If it cannot be fixed then they could at least be honest with their spouses.

Carrying on with another married woman (or even a single woman) is deceitful and dishonest. If the wives really didn't care what their husbands did, then the husbands wouldn't bother keeping it a secret would they?

But once affairs are found out (and they generally are) it causes heartbreak and devastation to families.

There is no justification for them. It's not so much the shagging of others you see, but the betrayal, the lies, the deceit. No woman or man deserves to be treated in that way. It's disrespectful and breathtakingly selfish. So you go off back to live in your own little world where everyone shags around and is happy - just so long as you stay there with your filthy little secrets.