classic case of too much too soon UPDATE

[sparkybint]

My earlier thread is here - hope link works.www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/890642-classic-case-of-too-much-too-soon-should-I-walk. I should have listened to you all but silly me, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Now I'm stuck in Dubai, a place that does nothing for me at all although the weather's great, with a MONSTER. He's revealed his true colours now, stopped showing any interest in me unless I'm doing something for him, and the other night after he initiated sex and then I wanted to carry on he said "What are you doing? Get off me and go to sleep". He hardly ever cracks a smile, and it's not only me who he's being moody with. He's been really rude and unkind to more waiters than I care to mention. He's also still very angry with his STB ex-wife and obviously not laid it to rest.

So I've been putting on a brave face and being all sweetness and light because I didn't want to have a falling out over here and I couldn't leave and get home. But last night, I couldn't take it any more. He looked over the table at me and told me my grey roots needed doing. This might be OK if you've been married for years, but after less than 4 months?? I calmly told him what I thought of his behaviour since we'd arrived and that I didn't understand it. Why had he fed me all that stuff about love? You know what he did? Stormed off (if you can do that in a wheelchair).

So my question is ladies, how do I survive the next days? (we go back on Saturday). He assumed I'd want to go home there and then and was trying to book me a flight last night (paid for by him) but I'm staying put -I feel he got me here under false pretences and now I'm here I'm bloody well going to try and enjoy it. I suppose I'll just be icy polite and try and keep out of his way as much as possible.

And is there any point in trying to get to the bottom of why he's started to behave in this way? I am ok about it, I knew something was wrong but I'm still hugely disappointed in him and further disillusioned about ever finding anyone kind and decent..... off to read the "bring me my slippers" thread now.

can't believe the nastiness towards you on this thread, sparkybint.

What is your crime exactly?

You met and fell for a bloke who did seem a bit full on at first but in the early stages you were really attracted to him too.

He took you on a flash holiday then suddenly revealed himself as grumpy, twisted, and difficult.

All this "we told you so"stuff is not fair.

i meant officially, the don't darken my door speech, but have skipped through some of the posts.. May have missed where she told him to sling his hook...

I totally agree with you jasper, some of the posts here have been needlessly vile... Squinty eyes at a couple of really harsh posters... You know who you are....

hang on, something doesn't sound quite right here - you have booked yourself into your own room now? And you did this today, mid afternoon when you are leaving tomorrow? You have made a stance by booking yourself in your own room but you are taking him out tonight?!

Oh, and he has allowed you to take HIS laptop to your own room to post on here.

Admit it sparky - you are still sharing a room with him aren't you?

And I also think that you are still hoping you can ressurect this relationship with him

sparky will not reply this evening

because she is 4 hours ahead of GMT

right, sparky ?

*triffictits":
"Admit it sparky - you are still sharing a room with him aren't you?

And I also think that you are still hoping you can ressurect this relationship with him"

How about we change this to:

Admit it sparky - this whole thing is entirely made up.

And I also think that you are still hoping you can ressurect this thread somehow

dittany

"Getting stuck in Dubai on short holiday with a nasty bloke who is rude to waiters doesn't sound like the stuff of best-sellers."

Well you'd think but you have people apparently gagging to hear about this man finally getting the elbow, and some inventing a new plot twist where he turns into an evil kidnapper who keeps in her Dubai against her will.

A lot of people living out menopausal fantasies around here:

"You met and fell for a bloke who did seem a bit full on at first but in the early stages you were really attracted to him too.

He took you on a flash holiday then suddenly revealed himself as grumpy, twisted, and difficult."

OR

You met a bloke who was extremely generous with material gifts from the start but you thought you didn't need to be careful because he was paralysed.

You went on an expensive holiday, even though you had doubts about him, and then you refused to leave even after the two of you had a falling out.

Skidoodle, I wish the whole thing was made up, the sad thing is that it isn't . But you are right in saying that the fact that he's paraplegic made me believe I could trust him. And he has immense upper body strength which is why I'm a bit scared of him. Arms like tree-trunks.

I'm actually still here because I got my dates mixed up again - the flight is tomorrow 24th and yes we're 4 hours ahead so that's why I haven't replied.

Groundhogs and Jasper thanks, I did wonder why some posters have been so openly hostile but everyone's entitled to an opinion. Mudandmayhem, when I've got my radar fixed and decide to date again, I hope I won't have to post again but thanks! Grace, thanks for the ringtones

I went out and danced my socks off last night and had a nice time. Couldn't have done that with him. And do have my passport and flight details so no worries there now.

Do you have your ticket?
And a cab booked?

yes to both

ps am not on his laptop am on hotel computer.

Jeez skidoodle, is there some medication you need to take? You are awfully caustic.

Back off a bit, no crime has been committed, she fell for a wanker, she was naive, no need to be such a cow about it.

You've made your points over and over and over again, ad nauseum.

If the thread bothers you that much you can't be civil, hide it FFS.

"I went out and danced my socks off last night and had a nice time. Couldn't have done that with him."

Charming

What a lovely attitude you have towards this disabled man who has paid your way on this expensive holiday you've been so determined to enjoy.

Advice taken Dittany. Skids, why not change your name to bitter&twisted and go and get a life instead of indulging in marathon bitching sessions directed at total strangers?

Won't be logging on again until I get home tomorrow night so another big thanks to you all for helping me see my stupidity and given me plenty of advice as how to avoid this in the future!

"Skids, why not change your name to bitter&twisted and go and get a life instead of indulging in marathon bitching sessions directed at total strangers?"

Sparky, that was completely uncecessary and rude. Skidoodle has only said what had needed to be said, to be honest I would rather have straight to the point comments from skidoodle, Anyfucker and dittany to name a few than the useless aww leave her alone hse is only a fool for lurve comments from sone posters.

You seem to view yourself as someone who is unlucky in love. You need to take a good look at yourself and realise that the situations you have been in are completely of your own doing. You are not 19, you are in your fifties. Stating that you have had a difficult background is a red herring imo, lots of us I believe have had tough histories however we have a bit more pride than to take, take, take from day 1 in a relatonship, all the while slagging the bloke off on the internet.

Your lack of self awareness is quite extraordinary.

Am I the only one feeling a teeny bit sorry for this bloke? I know he was grumpy when she wouldn't let him sleep one night and I know he has been grumpy to the waiters (very unacceptable) but I'd be pretty bitter and twisted if I was in a wheelchair after a hideous accident. Maybe he he feels that offering diamonds and nice holidays is the only way he can keep someone.

You went out last night and danced your socks off?

I thought you were taking him out last night sparky - well that is what you said in your early posts - think are getting mixed up a bit here?

And you didnt answer my earlier question about why did you change rooms one night before you were due to leave.

Getrorf, I agree completely.

Yawn....

Wow this is just getting vicious now, what is the point of all the vitriol and personal attacks?

Sparky good luck with everything. It sounds like you have made some odd decisions but I'd be very surprised if many of us on here had not suffered the same lack of judgement at some point. I your story hit a nerve for some posters which may be an explanation for the nastiness.

I hope you come to terms with it all. I am sure you will - it didn't work out that's all there is to it. You really haven't done anything so horrific accepting a holiday from a guy you were dating, these things can often go tits up. Learn from it and move on.

wow ItsGraceAgain, how odd that you would still think Sparkybint is all that you thought - even after her really unbelievably low comment re the dancing her socks off??

Sparky is a very odd lady indeed, whether the guy turned out to be a loser or not has nothing to do with the loss of use of his legs and to make cracks and jokes over his disability is just cruel.

Do you really still believe that she thought she might have fallen for this guy?!?!? Surely to god not.

Think about it, if you had spent time - supposedly very loving intimate time - with someone with a disability, the chances are you may have a deeping understanding of living with a disability and the cruelty of such comments.

Cruel doesn't describe it. If he was blind would Sparky boast about the lovely sunset she saw last night???!

Skidoodle, you have been far from caustic, just straight with this very silly lady.

I had promised myself not to revisit this, but I'm putting off washing the kitchen floor letting myself down again!

Sparky has characterised herself as a bit dozy in some ways; a little too eager for romance; easily misled despite her wiser self, and too ready to overlook poor behaviours in a partner. She's not alone in that, as everyone in this forum knows. I didn't realise the guy was wheelchair-bound until Sparky posted from the hotel, but wasn't surprised. It fits a pattern of very low expectations in relationships, coupled with the idea of "love as sacrifice". The brief profile of her parents' marriage seemed to explain how she would have ended up with that mindset. It is the kind of mindset that frequently leads people to become trapped in abusive relationships - not only women, but more frequently.

Her 'sponsor' did treat her like a hooker: wants sex on tap but isn't interested in how she is (or whether she's finished sex); considers material gifts adequate compensation for services rendered. However, he made himself far nastier than a "john" by the emotional overload he applied at the beginning of the so-called relationship. Basically, he wanted a personal escort but tried to get it cheaper by doing the "lurve" thing. I am quite sure he. also, could do with some counselling. But he isn't posting here.

Sparky, as I read her post, didn't enter into a gifts-for-services deal. She wanted love and hoped (absurdly) that this guy meant it. Sure, we could all see where he was coming from but the point is: Sparky couldn't see it. Or, rather, she saw but couldn't make herself believe it. So, she started a thread here. That's a way of acknowledging there is a problem, and of asking for help.

Seems fair enough to me.

bloodyright don't think you escaped the bitch radar either.... you have been just as nasty, and bitchy as skidoodle. I only namechecked skidoodle as she'd been the most recent screeching her 'opinions'. I thought you'd made the right decision and hidden the thread, or decided to take a grown up step back. I was wrong....

What the fuck has sparky ever done to you, to either of you for that matter, for you to be so nasty?

She's admitted she's a dozy mare for falling for it, she's not rocking the boat, which I totally understand. She's said it's over, she flies back tomorrow, end of. other than that, all of it is none of your concern, especially if all you are using it for is to attack her personally.

i also think she didn't actually mean the perceived crack about the 'dancing my socks off' comment in the way you are haranguing her for.

Both of you are now crossing lines needlessly, and tbh are wandering into the territory of needing to be reported.

BACK OFF. If you haven't got anything constructive to say, sit down and open up an ice cold can of STFU.

While you are at it, take a look at the top of the screen, its RELATIONSHIPS and not AIBU, so all this is utterly overboard and uncalled for. Enough already.

groundhogs - calm down dear - Sparkybint posted for opinion - she may not agree with mine just as you obviously don't, but who do you think you are to tell other people not to post their views.

and what is constructive about your rant - shouting at me to BACK OFF, your such a funny little hog, so quick to jump on anyone you don't agree with. Sparkybint is quite able in the written word, more than able to handle herself and justify herself.

And groundhog - ask yourself - do you think Sparky would have made that comment re the dancing socks off to someone who had lost the use of their legs - no thought not. Its outrageous - your defence of it stinks.

Sparky hasn't qualified that comment, on the face of it, in black and white it is a bit but OTOH she may have been referring to the fact that he's being an utter killjoy in everything else... Did you not think that it could have been that? Mocking him because he has a disability is not right, in any sense, but just because he has lost the use of his legs does not mean he's not a wanker. He did and he is.

I'm all for opinions being posted and often you do offer valid and non abusive posts but on this thread, both you and skidoodle have really crossed lines in your offensive replies. i doubt anyone would be posting hoping to be the recipients of such vile outburst, seriously, would you?

Sparky DID lose it and snap back, but another one of the harpies had a go at her...

I wasn't intending to shout at you, It's not that I don't agree with your anger and frustration at some aspects, but I am objecting to the tone, language and way that you are choosing to do it.

IMHO both you and ski have said so many really hideously uncalledfor things, and suggesting that rather than be so horrific, if you don't like the thread, once you've said your collective ranty pieces, just hide it. Leave sparky to her own strange ways. No skin off your nose now is it?

Don't wanna fall out with you or anyone, words on a screen and all that, I just thought you and skidoodle crossed lines and were verging on bullying.

I wonder why Grace's post was deleted...