classic case of too much too soon UPDATE

[sparkybint]

My earlier thread is here - hope link works.www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/890642-classic-case-of-too-much-too-soon-should-I-walk. I should have listened to you all but silly me, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Now I'm stuck in Dubai, a place that does nothing for me at all although the weather's great, with a MONSTER. He's revealed his true colours now, stopped showing any interest in me unless I'm doing something for him, and the other night after he initiated sex and then I wanted to carry on he said "What are you doing? Get off me and go to sleep". He hardly ever cracks a smile, and it's not only me who he's being moody with. He's been really rude and unkind to more waiters than I care to mention. He's also still very angry with his STB ex-wife and obviously not laid it to rest.

So I've been putting on a brave face and being all sweetness and light because I didn't want to have a falling out over here and I couldn't leave and get home. But last night, I couldn't take it any more. He looked over the table at me and told me my grey roots needed doing. This might be OK if you've been married for years, but after less than 4 months?? I calmly told him what I thought of his behaviour since we'd arrived and that I didn't understand it. Why had he fed me all that stuff about love? You know what he did? Stormed off (if you can do that in a wheelchair).

So my question is ladies, how do I survive the next days? (we go back on Saturday). He assumed I'd want to go home there and then and was trying to book me a flight last night (paid for by him) but I'm staying put -I feel he got me here under false pretences and now I'm here I'm bloody well going to try and enjoy it. I suppose I'll just be icy polite and try and keep out of his way as much as possible.

And is there any point in trying to get to the bottom of why he's started to behave in this way? I am ok about it, I knew something was wrong but I'm still hugely disappointed in him and further disillusioned about ever finding anyone kind and decent..... off to read the "bring me my slippers" thread now.

skidoodle I agree with you.

Yes harsh words indeed but needed in this case I think.

Ok this man may be a complete twat but I don;t think Sparky has covered herself in glory either.

Hi skidoodle,

re your comment:-

"And as for all this guff about your parents' relationship and how it has affected you, unless your mother was a hooker and your father one of her clients, I can't really see how it can be relevant"

We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents. They are our primary role models in such matters. I argue that in Sparky's case and on the brief info she has provided re her Mum and Dad's relationship they both taught her damaging lessons. Lessons that she has brought forward to this day; she has continued to choose men like her Dad.

Her daughter is of concern as well because this young lady is also learning about relationships from her Mum.

I certainly would agree that Sparky does not come out of this whole sorry episode with much, well if any credit. She got a free holiday at a very high emotional cost.

Sparky - why on earth do you want to meet him for dinner?. Why is this, why prolong this agony for you any more?. You want your chance for closure?.

What is his reaction to a proposed dinner with you?.

What on earth are you two going to say to each other?. He'll probably say something about your hair, slag the waiters off and storm off - again. I'd laugh honestly if this whole sorry episode was truly not so bloody sad. If you do this it will be another bad mistake on your part.

Why are you trying to save him money Sparky? Do you think you owe him in some way? Why is saving him money important to you?

She's not trying to save him money. She's been on here for days talking about how important it is that she wasn't out of pocket for this holiday that she took, despite knowing that her relationship with the man who was paying for it was in a lot of trouble.

She's only going on about it now because so many people have called her out on her bullshit about how she's just a dappy cow and a fool for love who somehow ends up in these situations with men who "promise her the earth".

That's partly why I thought it was odd she said she was saving him money, or why she thought she owed him any sort of favours or help. It was a strange thing to say, imo. I also wonder why she was taking him out, and why she was averse to ending the thing on a sour note. What's wrong with telling him to stuff it? Course, Dubai is probably not a good place for a woman to suddenly find herself alone and financially strapped if a confrontation turned ugly.

I've booked into my own room now. But actually worried that he might somehow impede me going home. All my own fault. Feel like a fool for getting you all involved in my tedious little drama and for being so trusting to a man who I didn't know.

I have a tendency to air my dirty washing in public but once again, I do really appreciate all the help. I have put myself into a very uncomfortable situation and will try very hard not to do so again.

Are you a bit afraid of him, Sparky? Dubai is not the place to be stuck with a man you're afraid of. If you can buy a ticket, I would do it, and go.

Yes, a bit afraid I suppose. But sensible enough I hope to get home without futher ado and put this total crap behind me. Thanks.

Have been lurking:

The man is a tetraplegic, you have been sharing a room, a bed for several days, after you said no longer liked him. I'm sorry, what is there to be afraid of now ?

My thoughts exactly, Jamie.

I'm a little confused by this thread tbh.

Last month you were asking about moving in with your dp after being together for 9mths.

Before that I remember a recentish thread where a man you'd just met had booked you into a hotel room together for a first or second date and you were wondering whether to ask for separate rooms.

I only remember because on both threads mentioned that the man/men use a wheelchair.

I thought he was paraplegic, not tetraplegic. Agree it does mean there is little to be scared of though. It's all more unpleasant than scary.

< waves at getorf >

I don't feel I need to add any harsh words to the others already here

instead, I will add this...

jeez, some of you are so bloody harsh! Ok so sparky has got to 52yo and she's been naive, and too readily caught up in a swirl of what would ordinarily be wonderful loving treats. Tbh, sounds like she's fallen for a man who thinks he has to buy love, and not cultivate and nurture it. Hardly the crime of the century, now is it ladies? There by the grace of God go all of us... Given her past, why would anyone fail to understand why she agreed to have someone 'treat' her for once.

Though it's easy to sit on our backsides from the normality of our own surroundings, shrieking flounce, flounce, flounce. I happen to think that sparky's doing the best she can, given the circumstances, and to demand a flight home etc, while she's not in any immediate danger, would be somewhat over dramatic.

As it is, she's seemingly coming out of this as cleanly as possible, without rocking the boat too much.

She's said she's going to finish it for good, when they get back (fgs sparky, don't let me down on that!) Asking anything more would be disproportionate.

"to demand a flight home etc, while she's not in any immediate danger, would be somewhat over dramatic."

she didn't need to demand it, he offered and she refused to leave.

Sparky, where is your return ticket? Your passport?

Nothing to stop a paraplegic refusing to let someone have her ticket or passport back if they're in his possession. Not that this will happen, but she doesn't really know this man. His behaviour seems to surprise her at every turn.

Sparky you seem to be someone who believes in fairy tales, or rather, in reverse fairy tales (here you got the prince, or actually the prince got you, right at the start, and turned out to be a frog when kissed). Please be very sensible and think about getting home soon.

You do at the very least have possession of your passport don't you?

I bet she doesn't. Sparky . Look, in June last year you were posting on here that the man you were hoping to spend your life with had just dumped you, then late last year you were talking about buying a house with this man, now you're talking of dumping him and yet still going out for dinner with him. Please get your radar re-set, and in the meantime hand over any major or minor decisions about men to us on here .

Do you think these ringtones might help?

I'm not entirely sure why but I am reminded of the mumsnetter who posted at great length of her whirlwind affair with her boss. Do you remember, the one that turned out to be written by someone testing the plot for a novel?

ooo

controversial

so you're home tomorrow sparky, do give us an update, i want to hear all about you giving him the heave ho at last!

sparky has already given him the old heave-ho, hasn't she ?

there should be no more to this sorry tale

should there ?