classic case of too much too soon UPDATE

[sparkybint]

My earlier thread is here - hope link works.www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/890642-classic-case-of-too-much-too-soon-should-I-walk. I should have listened to you all but silly me, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Now I'm stuck in Dubai, a place that does nothing for me at all although the weather's great, with a MONSTER. He's revealed his true colours now, stopped showing any interest in me unless I'm doing something for him, and the other night after he initiated sex and then I wanted to carry on he said "What are you doing? Get off me and go to sleep". He hardly ever cracks a smile, and it's not only me who he's being moody with. He's been really rude and unkind to more waiters than I care to mention. He's also still very angry with his STB ex-wife and obviously not laid it to rest.

So I've been putting on a brave face and being all sweetness and light because I didn't want to have a falling out over here and I couldn't leave and get home. But last night, I couldn't take it any more. He looked over the table at me and told me my grey roots needed doing. This might be OK if you've been married for years, but after less than 4 months?? I calmly told him what I thought of his behaviour since we'd arrived and that I didn't understand it. Why had he fed me all that stuff about love? You know what he did? Stormed off (if you can do that in a wheelchair).

So my question is ladies, how do I survive the next days? (we go back on Saturday). He assumed I'd want to go home there and then and was trying to book me a flight last night (paid for by him) but I'm staying put -I feel he got me here under false pretences and now I'm here I'm bloody well going to try and enjoy it. I suppose I'll just be icy polite and try and keep out of his way as much as possible.

And is there any point in trying to get to the bottom of why he's started to behave in this way? I am ok about it, I knew something was wrong but I'm still hugely disappointed in him and further disillusioned about ever finding anyone kind and decent..... off to read the "bring me my slippers" thread now.

Of course it's better to be single DMJ and I'm going to get my life back and it's going to be OK. Attila, I need to sort this out, I'mn fine on my own but as soon as I meet anyone, there go my boundaries.

I am still sharing a room with him, he just came in and was hard as nails and has just gone out to meet a friend. I'll see this out and get home and be OK and try never to make this mistake again. Just re-read my first thread on my relationship with him about him booking one room for our second date. I knew it didn't feel right but I didn't act. And that's my problem...

Well, it is not a permanent trait, next time it happens I know you will be wondering if that guy is like this one. (or perhaps rather than wondering you will be running to the mountains!)

could you not get hold of your return ticket and contact the airline yourself to arrange coming back earlier, there may only be a small admin charge.

AF - I understand why you feel the need for a self imposed ban. I have to stay away myself because a lot of these threads really make me angry.

What gives anyone the right to treat someone like shit? Nothing. I dont understand these men who think they can walk all over women and do it. I dont really understand what the man gets out of it either, what kind of a relationship is that.

But, what I understand even less is why some women put up with such crap. The more women put up with it the more men will dish it out.

Come on sparky, have some self respect and get the fuck away from this man. You are worth more than this and are only showing the man that you are happy to be in his company by staying. Let him pay for your flight home and show him that you wont put up with his crap and want to be nowhere near him, let alone sharing a bed in a hotel with him. You can then offer to pay the flight money back when you get home as and when you can afford it.

I know tt

am thinking of another ban for myself...the last one only came to 24 hours

there is another thread (not this one, I'm kinda fond of the old sparky bint now...)...that is really pushing me towards self-imposed exile again

perhaps I might manage 48 hrs next time

Which thread AF? Most of them do that to me in this topic

If you build up gradually, 24 hours a time by 2011 you will be so over this topic

I think Sparky that you should piss him off now and I think you will do now. It can't be easy though having this going on while you are so far away from home on your own with this tosser. Even more reason for you to leave now though, it will send him the right message.

oops, sorry, missed your reply tt

erm, it could be any one of several at the moment

but the title still has a seasonal theme....

and the child abuse one...

sorry, sparky, < as you were >

Have you spoken to him since the storming off?

That was you - the one room on a second date?

Gah.

I really think you should come home - go and sell the diamonds tomorrow and then book yourself a flight with the cash.

Hello everyone, thanks for the offer Second Coming and yes, it was me on the second date
.

He's shut down completely now, won't talk to me so I'm relaxing on my own and it's OK. He snored like a train all last night and I was so glad that I wouldn't have to listen to that much longer. The thought of him coming anywhere near me makes me feel ill so I'm obviously seeing sense and have fallen out of love with him as quickly as I fell in love - and that's my problem.

Hopefully I'm older and that little bit wiser. And I promise AF, you won't have to come round and box my ears.

And regards staying on as opposed to going home. I've only got 3 days now and have a nice little routine going. I'm enjoying the sun and time on my own. I'm not staying because I can't let go of him, in fact the more I'm around him, the more I don't like him. I'm quite calm and finally I'm being myself. So please don't be cross with me for not leaving. Maybe it's childish of me but perhaps I'm getting a sort of satisfaction. from seeing his discomfort and because I don't care anymore. He thought he could buy me and now he's paying the price.

Sparky

Those three days could be an eternity really albeit with nice weather and food thrown in.

He may have wanted to buy you but you went on this holiday to Dubai with him (as I understand it he had booked an additional ticket before you had met, I stand corrected if I am wrong) and you could have said no. There were many red flags re his behaviour prior to Dubai and you ignored them, you permitted this to happen to you. That inner voice of yours got blocked out for some reason and you need to properly address why. Why is it that as soon as you meet someone your boundaries leave at the same time?. Why exactly are you choosing men so badly?. You fall in love at the drop of a hat, why?.

I still think that you will keep making the same types of relationship errors and end up with a long series of failed relationships if you do not work on your own self. You don't deserve that and nor does your DD.

ohh sparky
v.difficult to read all of this and tbh i did sense you were unhappy/unsure a while back re:moving in together
am glad tho that you are managing to make the best of things whilst you're out there
will be looking forward as well to seeing you back on the 'fit and interesting men' thread when you're ready

I'm sorry you have to go through this sparky, but it did look dodgy from the start. I remember the double room on 2nd date thread.

Gut instinct was trying to tell you... heck, WE were trying to tell you, but we all make mistakes and ultimately want to believe in happy endings... hey ho.

Don't berate yourself, don't be ashamed or embarrassed. After all, YOU'VE done nothing wrong!

If sharing a room with him becomes hard, go and speak to hotel reception and say that he's being foul to you and that you'd like another room. Tell him that you won't take the flight, too much upheaval, but you need your own room for the remainder.

Oh and BTW, if he's being such an arse with the waiters etc, everyone will totally understand your decision to leave him, and will be applauding you.... They'd pity you staying with him...

Otherwise, try and get through as best you can, take yourself off on excursions etc and enjoy the warmth. Tis bloody snowing again here in Hampshire for the third consecutive week....

When you do come back to the UK, tell him that when you land, you never want to see him, nor hear from him again. Take a cab from the airport by yourself.

You are nuts for staying out there in the same damn room as him.

Even if you are stayingh there you should buy a room for 3 nights, it deosn't have to cost a fortune and at least you have some dignity, rather than camping in the same room as him which he is paying for, all the while not speaking.

Yes, have to admit I would definitely find my own room somewhere, anywhere! Just turn up at the airport on the last day.

Thats great news that you are hating him sparky - what kind of a tosser is he anyway to be totally blanking you and making you feel uncomfortable while you are away with him.

It would be more grown up of him to be civil at least until you get home and make the remaining few days as bearable as possible.

AF - yes the child abuse one I didnt even post on and I am off to look at the other one!

good luck, tt, you will need it

Attila, my RL friends have been analysing me and worked out the same thing as you. I'm desperate to be loved and fall for any man that promises me the earth. Will not happen again, I won't let it.

Hi ASBM, thanks for kind words and am back on F&I already! Have just come back from the beach, I really am managing to enjoy this. I'm not paying a penny of my own money to get another room, I can cope with sharing with the twunt even if it's purgatory for him. He got me here under false pretences so it's his own fault. Only 2 days left now anyway. Then back to the airport in London and that's it.