Found condoms and an odd receipt

[guttedandworried]

Its not good is it??

DH bought me and our 2 DD identical fragrance gift sets for Xmas. All in an indentical gift bag.

He joked with me that it was a buy 2 get 3rd free deal.

Well tonite for some totally random unknown reason I found his wallet on the bed and I dont know why but I nosied through it.

I found 2 receipts for this gift set. It was a BOGOF deal. He paid for the first 2 sets with his debit card, then 5 minutes later purchased another 2 sets (identical) but this time with cash.

3 sets are accounted for between me and our 2 DD. Where is the 4th? and why buy the 2nd 2 with cash not card?

This got my mind racing. So I went through his trouser pockets and found 2 condoms. 2 of ours - well same brand etc ( we use condoms atm).

He has been off work since Xmas eve but on call and has been called into work almost everyday (except Xmas day). He has been gone hours everytime. He has openly said he may or has popped into town to check out a few sales on his way home. TBH - the nature of his job and his call outs mean he could be out for 1 hour or 10 hours - so that means nothing. But the trousers he wore to work this week are the ones with the condoms in.

When he was called in on Boxing Day - he made some comment about not needing/bothering to wear his overalls and just went in his casual clothes. Not too unusual - as he sometimes does not bother with overalls BUT these are brand spanking new trousers he had for Xmas.

Maybe I am reading too much into everything else but the condoms and the receipt alone are enough to make my blood run cold.

I have been snooping since he has gone to bed. I cannot get onto his laptop as I cannot find the power supply for it. But in his laptop bag I found a gift bag (similar but not the same as the ones me and the girls had our Xmas gifts in). I cannot think of anything else he brought me, the girls, his mum etc that the gift bag would have come with.

I want to snoop in the car - but he has brought the company car home tonite and although I am sat here with the keys I am too scared to try opening it etc incase an alarm or something goes off!!

I have decided not to confront him yet and to see what else turns up in the coming days. I KNOW he wont admit to anything even with the condoms etc.

I am not jumping to conclusions am I? . What would you think if you found a reciept like I did (and there is question of WHERE is missing fragrance set)and 2 condoms in you OH trouser pocket?

Sorry for sounding so dumb - part of me is in calm shock the other is in part denial. I cant be doing with this atm - not that I have a choice.

it doesn't look good, honey.

Obtain his phone.

Could he have given it to mum, sister or other? Birthday coming up it might be for? In my twisted mind I imagine that another women would get something different, possible better, that the family. But I have no actual grounds for that, just imagining the psychology of it all.

I dunno about the condoms.

I'm sorry you have this to deal with. Is there any 'previous' if you see what I mean?

dont do anything without some more evidence. getting you all the same perfume is very sneaky...means he c an't come home smelling of something else. if he gets her perfume on him you will assume its yours or dd's.

without anything more concrete he will dismiss your worries and will solve nothing for you.

i'd try and get to the phone and car.

sorry your going through all this

I'd never have thought of that Mamazon.

Agree you need the phone.

{sad] Pants for you. Nothing is sure but it must be an awful feeling nonetheless.

No. His mum certainly did not get the same. There is absolutely no one else - UNLESS it has been hidden away for me on mothers day - which is possible I suppose as it was my favourite perfume. Will hunt tomorrow when he gets called out!!

He has previous. 2 Xmases ago - almost to the day I found a text on his phone to another woman wishing her happy new year and lots of "love" and that he was missing her.

He denied and denied until I had a shed load of evidence. Even then it came out in dribs and drabs in a full on damage limitation exercise on his part.

We split. Eventualyy got back together and have worked bloody hard to get things back on track. Its been shit at times as I still get days when I struggle to come to terms with his infidelity. Sex tbh - has been sporadic, also because of my emotions and feelings re his previous affair. He knows this though - I have been open and honest. Things were/are not 100% but IMO they were hell of a lot better than they had been. Recently he has been putting in alot more effort. Small gifts etc. Now I am wondering why??

Last week was our wedding anniverary. He bought me flowers and and a ring. I really thought things were all OK. Then this....

Just feel weirdly numb, hurt but detatched.

It's not the gift, but the condoms that are really suss. Any reason he would have them in his pocket? Does he wank at work, for example?

Oh love.

I have no experience of this [that I know of anyway!] but I think the previous is very significant.

You need to be sure though. For your sanity, and to inform your actions. You can't trust him to tellyou the truth so I guess it's sleuth mode for you.

You are probably in self preservation mode, hence the numb feeling. x

I got the same perfume thing done to me... I found a receipt showing two identical perfumes were bought. I don't think he had the brains to think out the smelling of someone else's perfume bit, tbh. I think he was just too bog lazy to bother finding another scent -- the price was right for the one (two) he bought.

Keep snooping. Do not confront until you have phone records, computer access, car combed through carefully, and anything else you can think of.

If he's got previous, I would bail tbh. What's the point if you can't trust him?

Until I saw he had previous I was unsure, but with that... It doesn't sound good. Am sorry.

He is tight with money etc. So the BOGOF on the perfume was prolly a ideal for him!!

SHIT!!!

Was so hoping 2010 may just have been my year after 2 shitty ones!!

I am going into sleuth mode now! I have absolutely nowt to gain by confronting him with what I have - even though IMO its pretty damning!!

I have just been through his mobile and there is NOWT suspicious on it! But then - he got caught out with his mobile last time (usual affair type mobile phone behaviour etc) so he could well have another phone (in the car maybe??) or another sim somewhere. I doubt he would be so stupid to use his own mobile but then to leave condoms in his trouser pocket is pretty bloody dumb IMO!

Its a relief to talk/write. I discoverd all this about 8pm and have just spen the evening feeling tearful but unable to cry.

The bastard

How many dc do you have?

Getting wife and OW the same perfume is an old one. Doesn't look good to me either, sorry x

What a frigging slimy cheapskate

2 DC.
I am sorry Mathanxiety! Would not wish this on anyone.

Thanks for the support everyone! Its lonely at 2am when somethin like this slaps you across the face!

Where is he now?

If he's in bed, I'd be waking him up and demanding to know what is going on.

The wanking at work idea is shite according to DP

Check all your plug sockets for the laptop cable. Won't it turn on without it?

Hi I'm so sorry for how you're feeling, it's really crappy - and i know

I also think you should wait for more evidence before confronting him although if anything like my XP he could still deny it despite irrefutable proof

I have no wine to pass you but here's some chocs x

Skymoo- I was grasping at straws with the wanking, amittedly. Then I saw he had form, and scrapped the idea.

Well thank you all of you that have "chatted" to me tonite!

I am going to go upto bed now as no doubt my lovely children will be up bright and early.

Will keep you informed.

Nite. x

ahh ok, note to self - read the bloody posts properly

Sorry for your situation OP, I hate to say it, but he has to be shagging something - unless he was after taking you on an impromptu shagging session in the car?

guttedandworried I can guess how you must be feeling. I went through a similar situation with my DP recently. I found a condom was missing and also what I thought was contact with a young female colleague on his phone.

This came on the back of a previous incident where I had caught him taking a condom to a work do, something he denied until he realised that he couldn't wriggle out of it.

Lots of lovely mnet people talked it over with me and gave good advice. [http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/875304-Evidence-is-he-39-s-probably-cheating-How-to-deal? pg=1 The thread is here.]] I would say what I learnt applies to you too:

1. The evidence definitely doesn't look good. You need to find out more (whether by confrontation or snooping is up to you)

1. It is enough evidence - particularly in light of previous infidelity - to make any reasonable person suspicious.

3, It is possible (even if it seems unlikely) that there is another explanation

1. I found talking it over with mnet really helped me get a sense of perspective. But do make sure you're deleting the pages you've looked at in your browsing history. You don;t want him to find out you're suspicious by accident. (Just ask if you need to know how to do this).

For me, I eventually found out (beyond any doubt) - by snooping - that the contact with the work colleague was actually with an old mate. They share a unisex name (lets say Lee). In his old phone, Lee was the young work colleague. He lost the phone. In his new phone, Lee is his old mate. (what are the chances?!) Everything makes more sense now. I don't know where the condom went, but
have also since noticed that he takes one out of the drawer and leaves it on the side if he thinks he's going to get lucky with me! So it could have got lost this way maybe.

Sorry, probably TMI on my situation not yours.

If I was in your situation, I would definitely carry on snooping. Hopefully, like me, you will find a good outcome. But if not, at least you will know.

When you checked the phone, did you look to see who he had been texting? See, he can of course delete 'sent' texts, but did you know you can also see who he's been texting by creating a new message (leave it blank), then pressing 'send to' (or whatever it is on his phone). A list of the recent contacts he's texted will come up. Although you can delete contacts from this list, I reckon a lot of people would forget about this step.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, it's really shitty. My heart goes out to you.

You are certainly right to be worried, but you need to find out more before acting.

Sorry this is the link

Some people recommended a sim card reader (shows deleted texts I think) on that thread, which although I decided against it in the end, I must admit I did find it tempting.

Hope you get to the bottom of this

I hate when I get 'those' sort of feelings about a man. usually,and i hate to say it, when a woman has that feeling of her OH being a cheat then she is right.
really hope this time it is just a mistake.
i would definately try to look through his phone tho.

Well what crap nights sleep!

Have had a rifle through his stuff in the bedroom but found nothing. I was not expecting him to have anything in the house. If he has another phone etc then it will be in the car or his locker at work - the locker I can never ever get to search!!

Our condom stash seems very low - just 5 in the box where there is normally lots but then saying that I have not looked in the box for bloody ages and not replenished supplies for ages either - so thats no real shocker! Although to find only 5 in there was a bit of a surprise!

Thank God he has gone into work this morning as I dont think I can even look at him today.
He has taken his laptop to work with him and I dont know why - he has only been called into work for one job (so say - although I am pretty sure this is a genuine call out) so I cannot see why he would want or need his laptop!

Just have a horrible sick sinking feeling that this is it! The end of 15 years that was never what I thought it was.

Just feel very very sad today.