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Original poster

Found condoms and an odd receipt

248 replies

guttedandworried · 30/12/2009 01:11

Its not good is it??

DH bought me and our 2 DD identical fragrance gift sets for Xmas. All in an indentical gift bag.

He joked with me that it was a buy 2 get 3rd free deal.

Well tonite for some totally random unknown reason I found his wallet on the bed and I dont know why but I nosied through it.

I found 2 receipts for this gift set. It was a BOGOF deal. He paid for the first 2 sets with his debit card, then 5 minutes later purchased another 2 sets (identical) but this time with cash.

3 sets are accounted for between me and our 2 DD. Where is the 4th? and why buy the 2nd 2 with cash not card?

This got my mind racing. So I went through his trouser pockets and found 2 condoms. 2 of ours - well same brand etc ( we use condoms atm).

He has been off work since Xmas eve but on call and has been called into work almost everyday (except Xmas day). He has been gone hours everytime. He has openly said he may or has popped into town to check out a few sales on his way home. TBH - the nature of his job and his call outs mean he could be out for 1 hour or 10 hours - so that means nothing. But the trousers he wore to work this week are the ones with the condoms in.

When he was called in on Boxing Day - he made some comment about not needing/bothering to wear his overalls and just went in his casual clothes. Not too unusual - as he sometimes does not bother with overalls BUT these are brand spanking new trousers he had for Xmas.

Maybe I am reading too much into everything else but the condoms and the receipt alone are enough to make my blood run cold.

I have been snooping since he has gone to bed. I cannot get onto his laptop as I cannot find the power supply for it. But in his laptop bag I found a gift bag (similar but not the same as the ones me and the girls had our Xmas gifts in). I cannot think of anything else he brought me, the girls, his mum etc that the gift bag would have come with.

I want to snoop in the car - but he has brought the company car home tonite and although I am sat here with the keys I am too scared to try opening it etc incase an alarm or something goes off!!

I have decided not to confront him yet and to see what else turns up in the coming days. I KNOW he wont admit to anything even with the condoms etc.

I am not jumping to conclusions am I? . What would you think if you found a reciept like I did (and there is question of WHERE is missing fragrance set)and 2 condoms in you OH trouser pocket?

Sorry for sounding so dumb - part of me is in calm shock the other is in part denial. I cant be doing with this atm - not that I have a choice.

OP posts:
Ponymum · 30/12/2009 16:31

gutted I am really sorry.

My thoughts would be: what do you plan to do next if it is confirmed?
-Will you ask him to leave and file for divorce?
-Will you try to recover the marriage again? If so, on what terms?
i.e. if you really are in this situation, what do YOU want to happen next?

Then I would start some simple steps to plan for that. I have no experience myself but I know other friends who have (after gathering irrefutable evidence) prepared for the confrontation as calmly as possible. e.g. you could plan where the DCs are going to be when the confrontation takes place, pack a bag ready for him to take with him, make sure your finances are in order, etc.

From what you have said I am pretty convinced, but as worriedbee said there might be another explanation so you need more evidence. I think it is almost certain he has another phone or SIM card, but you are probably never going to find it. The only way it can be confirmed is to find out where he is, by actually getting someone to follow him. I think you do need this evidence before the confrontation otherwise it will be like last time when he can wriggle out and make excuses.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

purplepeony · 30/12/2009 16:49

Surely taking condoms to work with you is odd enough anyway? That to me would be evidence enough- though he must be dim to leave them in the pocket if he knows you might tidy his clothes up or wash his trousers. [ hmm]

I 'd be tempted to out more than a little black dot on them- maybe a little hole as well.(But make sure you aren't on the receiving ned.)

WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 17:16

put a hole in the condoms ?

christ, what a stupid idea

pp, are you for real ?

purplepeony · 30/12/2009 17:22

joke, dear- but might give him something to worry about.

Northernlebkuchen · 30/12/2009 17:24

The little hole thing is the most laughably daft thing I've ever heard! How exactly PP do you expect that will help the situation? DO share!

WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 17:24

what would give him something to worry about ?

he wouldn't know if there was a hole until an unwanted pregnancy was thrown into this whole bad situation

not a helpful comment, joke or no sodding joke

purplepeony · 30/12/2009 17:38

Oh FFS take a chill pill- and lighten up. It wasn't serious.

WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 17:41

I am sure the OP appreciates your little joke

Northernlebkuchen · 30/12/2009 17:45

Where did you make it clear it was a joke in your original stupid post? The make sure you're not on the receiving end comment doesn't sound like a joke to me!

PinkTrousers · 30/12/2009 17:48

Couple of thoughts on this one.

Firstly, I found out that an ex was cheating in a very similar way - severely depleted condom stash and condoms in an overnight bag that was nothing to do with me. He did the whole denial thing but I caught him out pretty quickly.

The main reason for posting, though, is that I have been the OW (and have name changed for that reason). It was a while ago but the "relationship" lasted a long time and the circumstances were not dissimilar to those described above. His job meant he was away a lot and he just used to tack days on before or afterwards. We even went on holiday together several times. I'm saying this because I'm proud of myself (I am not) but just to make the point that if the OW is complicit and doesn't want the wife to find out it takes a the man to slip up before it's likely to come to light.

OP, I sincerely hope that your DP turns out to have an explanation for both the receipts and the condoms but I think you are wise to be cautious (given his "previous") and try to gather as much informatin as you can find.

worriedbee · 30/12/2009 17:48

The OP doesn't sound totally loopy - I'm sure she wouldn't put a hole in a condom just because someone on a web forum suggested it!

Leave purplepeony alone!

PinkTrousers · 30/12/2009 17:49

Sorry, I meant that I am NOT saying this because I'm proud of myself.

worriedbee · 30/12/2009 17:52

You don't need to put a dot on the condoms. Each packet has its own serial number, it's on the back of each condom - all condoms in the same pack have the same number. Make a note of the numbers in case he uses condoms and then replaces them with more of the same make. You'll know they're different.

Also, when I caught my DP with a condom in his pocket, he tried to say they'd been given out as a promotion at a night out on his work do, and he was effectively bringing it home for use. He didn't admit he was lying till I used the serial number as proof.

WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 17:53

wb, pp can look after herself

Northernlebkuchen · 30/12/2009 17:53

No worriedbee I'm sure she wouldn't but it remains a bloody stupid and unhelpful thing to say - and then to say 'it's a joke' - don't think the op is finding this horrible situation very funny so PP's effort is unlikely to help!

tackyChristmastreedelivery · 30/12/2009 17:53

Now obviously I'd be gutted if dh had an affair. If he had the nerve to use our fecking condoms I'd make him eat them. Surely they could fund their own fucking fucking!!??

Slightly off topic, but what a thought. Gits.

purplepeony · 30/12/2009 17:58

Ladies-okay it was in bad taste but leave it eh?- plenty more things to discuss here and I HAVE offered some what I hope are some helpful comments too.

Northernlebkuchen · 30/12/2009 18:02

Fair enough PP

WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 18:02

have left it pp, like I said you can look after yourself

I have supposedly banned myself from relationship threads, but couldn't resist picking you on that daftness

< as you were >

RumourOfAHurricane · 30/12/2009 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 19:04

yup < waves >

chubbasmum · 30/12/2009 23:57

it doesnt sound good hun ihave seen these signs before not from my ex but unfortunately from my father if you can get someone to follow him goodluck hun u need it. you can still get into his car and say you heard a sound coming from the car,

VicarInaTinselTuTu · 31/12/2009 00:33

id stop arsing about and just ask him outright what the fuck is he playing at. youve got enough evidence to ask, i think.

i cant be arsed with games, id just need to get it out there and ask what he is doing with the other perfume and the condoms. you WILL know if he is lying.

best of luck.

mathanxiety · 31/12/2009 06:23

Thing about confronting before you're 100% or even 90% sure is that a lot will look you in the eye and lie through their teeth with a completely straight face, swear on their dead granny's false teeth that they are innocent as the driven snow -- thus adding insult to injury.

GossipMonger · 31/12/2009 17:00

How are things today?