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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have caught my DH

177 replies

lighthouse · 12/11/2009 10:09

I woke up at about 5am this morning to find my DH subtly masturbating, he was not going full hog and he had his back to me. I pit my arm out and touched his back at which point he pulled his hand out od his PJ bottoms and I heard the elastic snap back. I then got up to go to the loo and he pretended to have just woken up. I know that other people on have caught theirs doing the same, is it a man thing? He is normally a loving husband and father and I haven't caught him before.

Just feel a bit bewildered, he acted all fine this morning I brought it up and made a joke of it saying he had been playing with himself in his sleep. He laughed if off but I could sort of tell he was lying.

We have a fine sex life I think although we don't do it as much as I would like. Last night we had, had a couple of drinks and so couldn't have done IT anyway.

Has anyone else caught their chap or are there any chaps out there that can explain that this is just something boys do??

I feel a bit dissapointed that he would do this and then lie about it.

OP posts:
piratecat · 12/11/2009 10:21

pmsl @ 'beating one off'
great phrase!

RealityBites · 12/11/2009 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
lighthouse · 12/11/2009 10:22

Do you believe I actually meant that?

OP posts:
Original poster
lighthouse · 12/11/2009 10:23

Remind me never to ask for advice from you lot again.

OP posts:
RealityBites · 12/11/2009 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FabIsJustSoBusy · 12/11/2009 10:24

Why?

You were laughing about it a minute ago.

whoisasking · 12/11/2009 10:24

Orm, Women do this as well.

OP - You're being a bit old fashioned I think, masturbation isn't wrong or unusual.

(and LOTF - me too! )

BitOfFun · 12/11/2009 10:26

I wonder why he fibbed? Did you have him by the balls?

OrmIrian · 12/11/2009 10:30

Indeed they do

But OP was asking about men in particular.

morningpaper · 12/11/2009 10:30

I agree that lots of people will have a crafty fiddle if their partner is asleep

certainly everyone in THIS house does

please don't worry about it

ShinyAndNew · 12/11/2009 10:36

I tell Dh to go off and do that when I am too tired and can't be bothered with his advances.

I definately would not be bothered, or embarrassed, if I caught him. I'd just leave him to it and ask if he enjoyed himself afterwards

Yes all men do it. It is not a reflection on your sex life/relationship at all.

I do it myself, not because I don't enjoy sex with DH, but sometimes it's just easier and quicker to do it the DIY way. Nothing to be ashamed of or worried about.

whoisasking · 12/11/2009 10:37

I always wonder about those people who say they have never, or would never masturbate. I wonder if it's true.

Original poster
lighthouse · 12/11/2009 10:37

Thank you, nice to have some sensible reasurrances. I do feel better by these nice supportive posts.

OP posts:
Malificence · 12/11/2009 10:39

I think his reaction to you touching him whilst he was having a play was odd tbh, as if he was ashamed or something?
It's also the "caught him" aspect that's a bit worrying, like he was doing something "wrong", I find that a bit weird and I'm in the camp that would join in and find it a big turn on.

Why's having a bit to drink a barrier to doing "it" - we had a couple of whiskeys last night and had a great old time!

If you feel shameful about masturbating in bed next to your partner then something's amiss.

ShinyAndNew · 12/11/2009 10:39

I wonder that too, whoisasking. I have decided that I don't believe them. I don't believe that every-one over the age of say 20, hasn't tried it at least once.

ShowOfHands · 12/11/2009 10:42

I have never and would never whoisasking. Actually, no I lie. I tried it once.

My dh doesn't either. He did before we met but isn't bothered when in a relationship. I wouldn't care a jot if he did.

Slimcognito · 12/11/2009 10:44

I don't think it means something is amiss just because he seemed "ashamed". Christ is the man allowed no privacy? Maybe he just couldn't be bothered with a full on interrogation about something which is essentially none of anyone elses business.

whoisasking · 12/11/2009 10:44

That might be a good AIBU thread Shiny.

I agree with you - I think it's bound up in guilt and embarrassment even now, easier to deny all knowledge of it than admit to a bit of fiddling.

morningpaper · 12/11/2009 10:46
ShowOfHands · 12/11/2009 10:46
whoisasking · 12/11/2009 10:47

SOH - But you admit that you have tried it, so you're not really the people that I'm talking about.

(Oh, not ignoring you - just a slow typer! )

MrsFlittersnoop · 12/11/2009 10:47

Lighthouse, if your poor DH felt he had to lie about fiddling with his parts, and then you felt it necessary to ask us if "normal" married men ever wank, you need to go to the library and find some books to read together about human sexuality and relationships. Or just lurk around these boards for a few more weeks.

Malificence · 12/11/2009 10:49

Mine's more of a "sleep wanker"
He's up and down in the night like a yo-yo, I wake up if I'm not being prodded in the back!

ShowOfHands · 12/11/2009 10:52

Thanks for obliging mp.

I don't think my 'tried it once' even counts. 7 seconds possibly. Prefer a good long knit meself.

BCNSback · 12/11/2009 10:57

I'd only worry if he was moaning another womans name while doing it .

seriously it's totally normal.