Please talk to me - just been dumped out of the blue and am devastated

[lambypoo]

I would really love some advice and wise words about what has happened this week. I've been with someone for 13 months and we have been very happy - or so i thought. I have been split from my xh for 2.5 years but have been having a lot of trouble from him - really abusive stuff as he is a total control freak. We have a ds together.

Last Monday, I came back from work expecting my xp to be there (we don't live together but were planning to in a few years time). He wasn't and time went on and he didn't arrive. I started to have a bad feeling about this and went upstairs to find that his overnight stuff had gone (he must have taken it that morning as he goes to work really early before I'm up). I knew then that he'd gone and started to really panic. I tried to call him but there was no answer and then about an hour later he rang me to say that he was sorry but he didn't think he could carry on with me as he was confused about his feelings. He said that he didn't feel the same but still loved and cared for me.

I was absolutely shocked and totally gutted because I didn't see this coming and I've been in a terrible state ever since. He apologised profusely for the way he ended it and he was very upset on the phone saying sorry and he didn't mean to hurt me just didn't know how to tell me. He takes total responsibility for being a coward and not facing me.

He did come over one night this week because he said he wanted to see me face to face like he should have done before. It was a painful meeting and all he can say is he doesn't know how he feels, that he's really confused and screwed up by his previous marriage. He keeps saying he still loves me and still wants to see me occasionally and help me through the difficult time I'm going through at the moment with a house move etc. He said he didn't feel the relief he thought he'd feel when he broke it off with me and is very confused but doesn't want to lead me on or risk hurting me again.

I feel that there are mixed messages here and he really is a decent lovely man.

The pain is really hard to bear at the moment and I can't stop crying. Don't know what I'm going to do without him. We had plans together and only 3 weeks ago he told me that he would never hurt me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He is not someone to say something like this if he didn't mean it. He is a man of few words who has been hurt and cheated on by his ex-wife and girlfriend before that.

Sorry this is long but I need some perspective. Should I give him some space or just forget it. I really do love him so much and am just totally gutted by this rejection.

LaQueen I know you're right - I need to let it go but I've woken up this morning in tears again and it's so awful. It's getting worse and i feel quite depressed. I guess it's everything coming at me at once that I have to deal with.

Your story was so heartwarming. I would be the happiest woman in the world if that happened to me but things like that don't happen to me. I don't think there are any happy endings - well not at the moment anyway but I can dream.

LeQueen I wish I had as much composure as you did. I'm afraid when he told me that he was leaving I was in a terrible mess, crying down the phone and totally devastated. I then left some messages crying the following day. I then left it two weeks before texting him again so not so bad I suppose.

I've now not contacted him for two weeks, sent a stupid e-mail two weeks ago - idiot! It was quite friendly though. I'm not going to contact him again so who knows. I just have this weird feeling that he will be back even though everything screams no. The last thing he said to me was "I am aware I may have made the worst decision of my life by leaving". I think it's that that gives me a thread of hope. He was treated badly by his xw and xgf who both cheated on him and he just couldn't seem to handle a relationship with someone who really loved him and would not let him down - he knew this about me. Maybe I was too much of a doormat I don't know.

I know this will pass but it's still so painful. I keep looking up his name on Facebook and just gazing at his photo. I don't have Facebook so just google him. Then I cry.

So glad things worked out with you.It's nice to know that sometimes people make mistakes about the way they feel about their other half and that it doesn't all end in disaster.