dp wants to go away for 3 weeks without me and dc's , what would you say ?

[Lilyloo]

Dp has just announced that his sister who lives in Aus wants to pay for him to come out
next year to see her get married.
Unfortunately we had to say no as the flights for him , me and 3 dc's were just way to much. I was really gutted and so was dp.
However the recent failure of his buisness , which left us in a lot of debt meant we had no option. We are now living to a really tight budget trying to get back on track.
Now his sis has asked how he feels about her paying for him to go.
Now i would love for him to be able to go and see her get married but his family are going for 3 weeks.

He just told me and my initial reaction was 'that's his hols all gone for next year so no chance of us getting away at all.'
He now in a mood as he says i shouldn't be so dismissive , so presume he thought he would be going.

If he does go that's me at home with 3 dc's over easter and ds's birthday . We have bought a tent this year in hope to get cheap hols away but obv i won't be able to go without dp.

Also he will still need spending money for holiday which will be hard to find , probably accomodation etc.

Am i being unfair ? What would you say ?

Sorry it's so long

Australia is expensive for eating out/drinking etc so spending money will have to be bumped up massively imo

being with children for 3 weeks is fine

but if the finances do not add up it is a no-no

HOWEVER can you ebay etc as someone mentioned earlier and get a holiday fund going?

and I don't agree with the "oooh he had a holiday so I need a spa break" ideas, it is not a competition (as long as nobody is taking the piss)

a wedding IS important and if he feels strongly that he needs to go then you need to work together to make it happen or compromise in some way

if he comes, do it for 3 weeks - how often is he going to fly to oz? 2 weeks v 3 weeks is nothing in £££$$$ terms

I like the idea of 'saving' for it and maybe getting 'extra' money for the trip but for me the important thing is that if that is doable then it should be for all the family to go and not just him.
Trying to earn extra money is not just as simple as that - when children are involved it often means sacrifices for all the family too.
I work part time - mostly this is easy as it does not impact on the children as i can work school hours. But during the holidays it is much more difficult because of childcare and the like so i accept that i have to earn less during the school holidays.
It is a family decision and if we really needed the money then h would have to do his share of the childcare.
Getting together the extra money is not just about going out and earning more it is about making it work for the family too.

I would have thought too that if her brother was so important to be at the wedding then so would her brothers children and family, this seems as if the sister is wanting to only pay for her brother to go. Thats not the way i see family at all.

hahaha, skadoodle, you are a saint and have a perfect relationship. I wonder whether you should be bringing your life to the attention of Channel 4 - your family could be filmed to allow the rest of us some kind of example to live up to.

I on the other hand am awful as well as loopy. I do sometimes think that I deserve something more than my dh and he sometimes thinks he deserves something more than me. And sometimes I think he deserves it more than me and he thinks I deserve something more than him. I think we must both be loopdaloopyloop.

The decision is not a joint decision. It is his decision. Just as if it were my brother or sister it would be my decision, not that of my dh's or anyone elses.

It would of course be preferrable that his decision is one which considers the benefits to the rest of my family and hopefully the OP trusts her DH enough to know that he will put them all before himself.

If a dh and a dw put each other before themselves in everything things can work out supahdupahloopahdeloopa

No, it's a joint decision. He can't go unless she is prepared to look after the children while he's gone, so he needs to consult her. Also, unless it is ok to steal family money, he needs her agreement to dip into whatever money there might be.

Maybe you and your dh would be less jealous of each other if you recognised that in a family decisions tend to affect everyone in the home. I have rarely heard anything so bizarre as that a husband and wife should make unilateral decisions about things that affect both of them and the children.

I think it is ultimately his decision too. If this was me and dh we would have a discussion about it, we would talk about the practicalities, what compromises were possible what support would be available for the one left at home and what possibilities there would be for the one going to do things one the cheap. Then if it was my family event dh would tell me to do it and I would worry about it, feel I shouldn't but really want to, and probably go. I would be less generous in my encouragement (dh is much less close to his family and I am probably less nice) but still tell him to go it was at all doable. Again it would ultimately be his decision.

As to how much your brothers and sisters (or parents, special friends etc) mean to you vs your children, I think that depends on the individual. My brother and sisters have been there for me during some very difficult times and I would do my utmost to be there for them. If that meant some sacrifice for my children, then I wouldn't feel that that meant it was impossible.

Hi yeah last time we went to oz I found it way more expensive for food and drink. Even supermarket v dear.
Have you tried Royal Brunei as an airline for prices? They were by far and away the cheapest when we booked to visit SIL.
IMO 3 weeks is too long.He really should be at the wedding though such a shame to miss. I have been to oz for 10 days before tiring but do-able. My own DH just went on a 5 day stag "weekend" and that was long enough! But then my dds are both under 2..

Skidoodle, he's hardly stealing the money - he goes out to work so will be bringing in a wage.

What a strange way of looking at things.

I didn't say he was. You just made that up.

I said you couldn't make a unilateral decision that involved family money unless you were prepared to steal it. Stealing is what i call it if one person misappropriates shared property without permission.

I'd say it's generous of his sister to offer to pay. Three weeks is a bit much. Maybe a compromise there. But wave him off graciously and the next big solo treat definitely has your name on.