Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

2 My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making s

293 replies

hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:13

what happened there??

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:14

hope you are still there?

OP posts:
scrooged · 21/02/2009 02:15

You ran out of space.

I don't quite get what you have said. When did she watch the documentries?

scrooged · 21/02/2009 02:19

Sorry pet. And there's this. I appologise for cutting and pasting, it annoys me.

"rightly or wrongly i agree with her reasons, i have worked on vp units in prison as adrug worker and, as my husband, do not think he deserves that. i said it on here before and was lambasted for it but im just being honest with how i feel. i said earleir that losing house, family, life, friends etc was enough.....now im not so sure"

If this had been a stranger or a different family member and your daughter had told the same thing, would this make you think differently?

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:20

yes she did apparently

OP posts:
scrooged · 21/02/2009 02:20

When? Before or after reporting him to the school nurse?

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:21

someone asked me that earlier and yes i would have, its just that he has been a great husband an a brilliant dad to them that i am finding it so bloody hard to deal with

OP posts:
scrooged · 21/02/2009 02:23

and I bet someone's already told you that this is how they manipulate the family and this is how they worm their way in? They then target the most vulnerable. Classic behaviour.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:23

she watched it around xmas i think, brothers blame the eastenders tory line too, never saw it myself but its similar apparently

OP posts:
Molesworth · 21/02/2009 02:24

NSPCC LINK AGAIN

Please get specialist advice.

I am going to try to get some sleep now. This thread has raked up a lot of painful memories.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:27

yes they have told me that, it just doesnt fit him, thats all

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:29

sorry moles and thankyou so much for the advice you have given, i will act on it

OP posts:
scrooged · 21/02/2009 02:29

Ahh, you see, if she watched the documentry after chatting to the school nurse and going through all the questioning etc and then decided to withdraw, I would have said it was probably because she's so attached that she doesn't want to see him hurt in prison but he still did it.
The time delay (it's not christmas now!) is important. She isn't going to put the comlaint in in the first place knowing what's going to happen to him unless she's really frightened! Do you get this? She's had alot of time to withdraw. Why wait until now when she already knew what could happen? This doesn't make sense. Think about it.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:32

i know lesson will act on this but i am having connection issues again so please bear with me

OP posts:
rhksmum · 21/02/2009 02:33

I wish I had had the guts your daughter has and reported my abusers earlier than I did, but I didnt, I didnt know it was wrong, it was an every occurance for me, part of my life. There was the threats if I told bad things would happen to me, to my sisters so I kept quiet. It took till I was 29 to finally report them after it was made clear to me that my daughter was going to take my place. Part of me thinks that if I had told when I was younger I wouldnt be the mess I am now, that I wouldnt be struggling so much.
Your daughter is one very brave person and i hope she gets the help and support she needs to get through this.

scrooged · 21/02/2009 02:33

It's alright. I'll be off to bed soon though.

Molesworth · 21/02/2009 02:34

Perhaps the eastenders storyline did have a part to play in that she may have recognised her own situation in some ways, which then encouraged her to confide in someone about it.

And my very last word of the night: I'm sure I don't need to say this but HAW, please don't post specifics about the allegations on here for your own and dd's protection. Not sure if it would count against you to put information in the public domain, but best to be on the safe side.

Really going to bed now! I hope you get some rest tonight.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:35

yes i see it scrooged, scary stuff actually

OP posts:
scrooged · 21/02/2009 02:35

Well done rhksmum. You've done it now, you did it to protect your child, you need to be proud of this.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:36

thankyou so much scrooged, you have really helped me out in many ways

OP posts:
lessonlearned · 21/02/2009 02:37

OP what do you say in reply to my last post on the other thread regarding the strategy meeting?
It's all unravelling before your eyes, i'm afraid!!

Bof I have your email and will contact you again, I promise, but I wont take my eye off the ball for the moment.
This is too important, given the emotion people have put into it!

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:40

oh just got your post rhksmum, sorry im missing stuff

OP posts:
Molesworth · 21/02/2009 02:41

Lessonlearned, you're quite right to raise these procedural issues.

If the OP is genuine then it's possible that her dd's case has been mishandled with ref to the counselling/Gillick reference/interview tapes and this is why I think she needs URGENTLY to contact the NSPCC. I wouldn't automatically jump to the conclusion that the OP is a troll. I remember having to PUSH for information from the police myself. And as I said 328 hours ago, the police have been known to mishandle things (Jean Charles de Menezes anyone?).

lessonlearned · 21/02/2009 02:42

? OP?

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:44

lesson i cant access the last post, i said i wasnt invited if there wqas one as i was apotential witness, police words, there is a cin meeting coming up this week which i do get to got to

OP posts:
rhksmum · 21/02/2009 02:44

scrooged,
i'm glad and proud i protected my daugher and will continue to do so
but there is a very small part of me that is still struggling to come to terms with reporting my mum and dad, they were supposed to protect me, keep me safe but they didnt, I didnt feel guilty reporting their friends because that felt different, they werent meant to protect me, look after me (if that makes sense) but my mum and dad were