2 My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making s

[hurtandworried]

what happened there??

H&W i am glad that you have come back too

And of course that you are supporting your DD even more and she's not dropping the charges.
It must mean so much to her that she has you to rely on at such an awful time.

I also think, if you can bear it, that you should keep coming on here (or somewhere) where you can express your feelings and get support for you, at least until the support professionals are in place for you.
People often underestimate the toll caring for others can take. And this situation must really be taking its toll on you.

The first priority is of course your DD but you need to be in a healthy enough position to help her.

Good luck and i look forward to updates

Actingnormal- your post was incredibly moving. I think you're amazingly thoughtful in a very difficult situation. Just had to say that.

Ra29, Thank you, that is very kind

hurtandworried, I'm delighted you came back to update us. Selfish of me really - there's obviously no obligation to come back, but your situation really did dwell on my mind.I've been thinking of you all weekend and was concerned that following the negative turn this thread took that we'd never hear from you again.

Well done you for finding the strength to take the actions you have. It won't have been easy. I'm really impressed that you've managed to act on some of the advice you were given - I hope that doesn't sound patronising, it's not meant to be.

I hope that Mumsnet continues to be a helpful website that you can turn to when you need support/advice.

TBH I feel for lessonlearned. She tried to help, the OP was very selective as to the info she accepted, gave dodgy details, and was very agressive in a way that personally attacked lessonlearned.

I can tell you, if I was in the OP's 'situation' I would be clinging on to lessonlearned like a limpet, begging for as much information as possible, not getting narked that she told me that procedures have changed.

As for the evidence, I cannot believe that the CPS would want to take forward a case where the OP had heard the interview tapes, and the evidence she gave was 'he's lying'.

However, OP, I hope that any young girl who genuinely claims to have been abused is supported. I also hope that any man who is accused unjustly has the opportunity to defend himself fully.

H&W glad you've come back and glad that you are now doing everything to support your dd. Good luck and I hope it is positive outcome for your dd and you. You have an opportunity to avoid the sad outcomes of many of the posters who were brave enough to tell of their experiences on the other thread.

Hope it works out OK for you and your children. Congratulations on your return too, you are a very brave woman!

H&W I am glad that you came back to update us. I thought about you and your dd a lot over this weekend, and to be honest found some of the 'troll' stuff rather upsetting. I myself questioned some of your thought processes on the first thread, however I think that some of the questioning later on in the evening was quite agressive, which i thought was uncalled for.

ANYWAY I hope that your dd is OK and some of those helplines hae proved to be supportive. I genuinely wish you and your dd all the best in what must be the worst time of your lives. Hopefully you keep coming back to mn.

Lou whilst I dont want to start all the aggressive stuff off again I think it may well be worth adding some points of clarity here.
I 'personally attacked'(your words) lesson in a comeback to her personal attack on me. I came on here knowing only what the social services and police had told me, having been in the enviable position of never having had any dealings with them before regarding my children. She slagged me off and called me a liar for not knowing procedure, well sorry, I havent made a habit of being up to date with all the rules and regs as its never been a priority in my life, and niaively I have listened to and believed the ones involved in my case, which it would appear isnt always the best thing to do as they may well have got it wrong. She also based most of her slagging off on the fact that I know the acronym LMAO!!! For god sake!! I have 5 kids, they eat sleep breath in acronyms!! The ones I didnt know I asked and was then lambasted for having remembered them!! Anyway, may her huge knowledge base be of use to someone soemwhere at some point.
I gave no dodgy details, if you can't make sense of what I was trying to say it may be because I cant make alot of sense of whats going on either!!
I came on here to find and 'cling on' to any help and support I can get, not to get beaten up about it, Im doing a good enough job of that myself thankyou. Lesson may well be very knowledgeable in this field, or it may be that a little knowledge is a very dangerous thing. In the cold light of day I suspect its the latter of the two as she could not, would not, take on board that I could only relay on here what the ss and police had told me, she saw no 'grey' area in her information, just that it 'can only be this way'.....well sorry, thats not always the case as my situation is proving.
I did not say the CPS 'will' be taking this forward, I said the police said due to the fact that I have said he lied, not the whole tape that I know of, but I know for a fact he lied about the drinking, it puts enough doubt for them to proceeed themselves. Again, I can only post what they tell me, that is not coming from having read a book, just what they tell me.
And yes, I hope the truth will out eventually, and we can all move on with our lives in the best way possible.

HAW I have been following your threads since Sat morning and didn't post as I really didn't think you would come back. I am very glad you did and on reading both treads I didn't disbelieve for one moment.

So glad you came back to let us know how you got one. I wish you and your DD all the luck in the world

Best wishes here too h&w.

Hello HandW

I am so glad that you have had the strength to come back on here.

Although I have never been through such a terrible experience as yours, thank god, I do understand about the shock of realising that the life you thought you were living was not what you thought it was.

If your husband is found to have done this then you will need some professional help to some to terms with that I think.

I wish you all the best for your future and your daughter too. Whichever way this turns out, I think your daughter really needs you at present.

I have come up against one or two of the posters on this thread before, and they were equally aggressive and confrontational on those threads, sadly.

I do think, for what its worth, that posters in distress should be given the benefit of the doubt. Not all processes and procedures run as they should, as has been seen recently in several tragic cases. People make mistakes, are overworked and have poor resources.

I came up against problems with things that happened to me recently, and had I posted on here about it I would have been shouted down I would think. The procedures were not followed correctly, but that does not mean that what happened was invented by me!

A lay person in the middle of a nightmare has a life in chaos.

Anyway, that's my very humble opinion.

Exactly, GAG. My concern was that HAW's case had been mishandled in some way, which was why I was trying to find her some up-to-date info on procedures. Still smarting about being accused of 'baiting' the OP tbh.

Moles, for what its worth I dont consider you to be one of the 'baiters', from what I can recall yours seemed to be some of the most impartial level headed advice given, and I thankyou for that

Thanks HAW, that's much appreciated. The last thing I'd want to do is make you feel worse, having been in such a similar position myself

Acting Normal I dont seem to have replied to your posts directly as we seem to be here at different times, all I can say is what fantastic messages. They strike a real chord and make such sense to me. Many thanks for sharing them, and describing your conflicts in such a rational way....its summed up how I feel to a T x
And to everyone else if I havent thanked your messages personally, THANKYOU!

You are welcome H&W, because if anyone can benefit in some way from my shitty experiences then something good has come out of them! And now I've got through lots of things and feel better, I am so relieved and want this relief and 'clarity' for other people who are going through shit.