2 My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making s

[hurtandworried]

what happened there??

I hate to post on this thread at all, I really do, but I think it should be said:

All of the information here could be used as much by an abuser as by someone who has been abused.

My thoughts are with those who are giving genuine emotional time and energy to this.

agree oregonian. I'm finding this thread and the previous one quite disturbing.

OP, at 03:50am, you posted

'just had a txt msg from my dd to say she is scared i am going to have one of those breakdown thingies!! so yes, i need to do something pdq!!'

Your dd was obviously lying awake, unhable to sleep thining about this whole thing, yet you carry on posting until 04:42am

Did you even go to your dd and see if she was ok after that message ??

and again the daughter is thinking more about the mother and the mother seems to be taking this as not as serious as it is.

my mother isn't worth the space on this earth but omg this mother is unbelievable.

Dude! You stole my post.

New developments add weight though, I agree.

Oh dear

Oh dear, indeed!

I thought about this after I logged off last night and came to the conclusion that the OP is a writer/journo looking for info/reactions, all of which he (I think it is a he too) got in spades.

I think it's even more sinister than that, I'm afraid.

Gosh, I am worn out reading through these threads.

If you are for real, then I would think you should now back away from these threads, and deal with the links that people provided so you can get some support. You'll find trained people on those links who can help you, without the noise on these threads about whether you are telling the truth.

If you later need help / want to chat about other stuff in the future, come back to mumsnet on a different name.

Please log off these threads, go and talk to your daughter. Sit down and tell her you believe her. Tell her you love her, you are sorry, and that you will support her. Tell her you are there whenever she needs you.

I understand that in your head you're trying to reconcile the "she is saying she has been abused" with "but how could he do this" thoughts in your head. Regardless of whether you are struggling to accept he is capable of doing something, you MUST tell your daughter you believe her.

If you are not telling the truth, and this is research / fun for you, I feel very sad that you have opened old wounds for exisiting mumsnetters, and hope you feel ashamed.

I really hope not

HAW: I don;t think you can get any more help/info off MN and I think you risk upsetting yourself by continuing simply because most people on here are not specialist counsellors, and so you are going to get a variety of opinions about what you should do and what you have done, some of which will be helpful.
Also there comes a point when staying on an internet forum to discuss a crisis becomes an excuse for not actaully dealing with the crisis, which you probably need to go and do now.
I hope there is a good outcome for your DD and the rest of your family.

all i can think about is there is a poor girl who has been abused by her step father and thinks her mother does not believe her. I know from personnal experiance how damaging this can be....whats more scary is because of this mothers love for her husband this man will probably be free to do this all over again to some other child. The OP use of the word nonce is disturbing.......If my husband did this to my child i would want to kill him, a peado unit in prison would be too good for him. My first thought is to protect the child. I myself abandoned my own brother when my niece accused him of abuse...this was all proved a lie after 5 months and i worked to rebuild my relationship with my brother but he understood why i stood by my niece as he is the adult.

why are people still talking to the op?...thought it was common knowledge that he/she/it is a saddo freak talking bollox....and upsetting people in the process.

It's very odd, having read through again I don't believe it's genuine now. Which is a shame as I spent a long while on it yesterday. That's just me though - others have shared very personal stuff and got very upset.

I think we need to ask MNHQ to delete both threads actually.

I find it sad that you all say that op's daughter should be believed 100% no question yet you're all so quick not to believe op? Her daughter should be made to feel she's believed as it would be so much worse for her to not be believed when telling the truth than the other way round. I have to say that I think it's the same for the op. If a 14 year old was making something like that up it would be likely that something had happened to her and that she was in a very disturbed place even if the exact facts were wrong- she would still need huge amounts of support. Again, if the op is making this up, then she is clearly very troubled and my guess would be that sexaual abuse would figure somewhere in her own past. Lesson learned I'm surprised that with your counselling training you are being so aggressive and not seeing that clearly whatever the reality, HAW is clearly in huge need of help.

I hope the threads aren't deleted, because there might be something helpful here for others.

I agree with you FA-I read the thread yesterday and have read this one today. I have come to the conclusion that the OP is definitely not genuine. After supposed ignorance of the acronyms, she (he?) very quickly slipped into their use, aggressively at times.

Hurtandworried?-well the poster was not coming across as very hurt or worried in their later postings.

I agree that for the sake of our genuine posters these threads should both be deleted.

Molesworth - I understand what you're saying but truly the threads were full of mixed up nonsense from OP and no real clarification about the actual facts. At worst it would mean someone lurking and in real trouble gets completely the wrong idea about what happens etc

I think they need to go
Sorry

I think the threads should stay, though some individual posters might want to delete some of their own messages - simply because there is so much advice that would be useful to someone who is going through a similar trauma.
WRT whether the OP is telling the truth about her circumstances: well, I don't know, because I have no way of knowing how true anyone's claims on line might be. But, just as the person who says s/he has been abused should be believed, so should someone who posts in what appears to be considerable distress - because if all the shrieking trol hunters are wrong, they do risk causing a certain amount of damage to a messed up individual.

ra29, we are all entitled to the full range of human emotions (even counsellors).
I thought I was quite restrained considering the actions of the OP.

But SGB the advice isn;t clear

Everything is argued over and muddled

I doubt it will help anyone

Why did the title of the second thread change anyway?