2 My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making s

[hurtandworried]

what happened there??

Thank you flight. I have no doubt mn would go on without me.

I thought it might be useful though for those involved in the onslaught to remind yourself of this:

Mumsnet Talk Policy

We thought it was about time we outlined and explained Mumsnet policy on the thorny issue of trolls. (For those who don't know a troll is someone who poses as someone else in order to stir up trouble, fulfil their own perverted agenda, or just for the hell of it).

Unfortunately it's not always immediately obvious whether a poster is, in fact, a troll. We all tend to be a bit suspicious of new folks posting things of a sensitive or inflammatory nature but we would rather Mumsnet erred on the side of giving folks the benefit of the doubt and risked being made to look a bit foolish than pounce on someone who turns out to be genuinely in need of help. We hope you agree.

Secondly in our experience trolls thrive on attention ? the more aggressively you or we attack, the more likely they are to stick around and cause mayhem ? ignore their posts and usually they'll go away. Ban them and there's nothing to stop them returning with a new email address and identity (no website can stop that happening).

Having said that, whether posted by trolls or otherwise, we don't tolerate any unnecessarily abusive postings and would certainly ban anyone who was persistently doing this of kind of thing. Please do [email protected] if you have any concerns at all and we promise take it very seriously and to closely monitor any troublemakers.

We are conscious that most Mumsnetters have enough stresses in their lives without finding more on here. But on the bright side, considering the number of users and discussions, disturbances are mercifully few and far between not least because you, the members, police the boards extremely effectively and with a good deal of common sense.

Many thanks and keep up the good work,

Best,
Mumsnet Towers

Those involved in what transpired this weekend. Read this. Read your posts back. Then please seriously consider whether mumsnet is the right place for you. I love this site and hate seeing stuff like this go on. It ruins it and I know if i were new and desperately looking for help I would read this thread and go elsewhere.

well said prettyfly.

are you a newbie ll? are you a namechanger whose old name was also abbreviated to ll?

Acting Normal. Fantastic. Absolutely on the button. Well said. I just hope H&W hasn't been scared off for good and has/will read your post.

Well AN, each to their own opinion...but fwiw I don't think many of us appreciate being tricked into 'letting our feelings out'. If such a trick it was.

No one knows if it was real or not. But I rather resent the implication that anyone posting on an emotive subject, real or not, is being helpful to others who have actually suffered something similar. Does that mean people who have had premature labour ought to be thankful to mTL for raising the subject in order to gain attention - because it could have helped them explore their own feelings on the subject?

Sorry, I can't agree.

But Flight, it's the consequences of scaring off vulnerable op's, including people reading the thread and thinking 'I'm never posting on here', versus the consequences of people potentially responding to a false op. Which is the worse scenario? Imo it's the first, so people should not shout troll if they are only 99% sure about it and there is still an element of doubt.

My previous job involved complicated procedures and vulnerable people and when someone is in crisis they often don't take in the simplest of information, or only hear what they want to hear and it takes a while and several conversations before things become clear to them. People can swear blind they haven't been told something when you know they have, or that they have been told something that you know you never said. I'm surprised that a a 'professional' in the field wouldn't allow for this.

If the op was describing out of date or inapplicable procedures, then maybe there had been some previous ss involvement and she just didn't want to reveal it. I don't know, I'm just suggesting that there could be other reasons for her apparent confusion.

I am fairly new to Mumsnet and so far have mainly followed threads and contributed only once or twice. There are things I would dearly love to have asked/discuss/let off steam about but I haven't yet and having read most of this thread I won't.
I think PrettyFly summed it all up well. I would just add that I can't be the only one who needs more confidence to discuss their problems - even if it is in a totally anonymous setting. I was hoping Mumsnet would be the place I could do this - but the thought of finally letting my feelings out only to be accused of being a fake is too much of a risk for me. I have seen a lot of support of Mumsnet but I have also seen a lot of bullying and have decided it's no longer for me.

To all of you who have joined in, both positive and negative, I would like to assure that I am not a 'troll'. I found an awful lot of support, sense, sanity and clarity on here on Friday night. I have read throught he whole transcript over the weekend, and have acted on the very good heartfelt advice given by many many of you. The charges will now NOT be dropped. I have informed the police this morning that I have herd the tapes of the interview and that he lied under oath. because of that they think they may be able to take it to cps even if dd did drop charges, whic, as I said, I am encouraging and supporting her not to do. I have rung several of the helplines that you all gave me and have also made an appt with my gp for dd and I to find support there. DD has returned to school this morning, trying as hard as she can to 'get back to normal'... her words. I cannot comment on every statement posted on here, but i offer my heartfelt apologies to anyone who was hurt by my posts, that was never my intention, i wanted an impartial sounding board in which i thought i might receive some help and advice< which from most of you i did. For those of you interested i will keep you updated on teh outcomes. Again, many thanks.....you know who you are if yoy helped xx

That's really awful Fruitload, and I am really sorry for it, though on the strength of this thread I reckon we deserve your judgement.

H&W - thank you for the update, I have been thinking about you and hoping that you were able to weed out the pertinent and relevant advice and support from this thread.

It's great that you have managed to speak to some of the helplines, and it sounds as though you are moving things forward in as positive a way as can be hoped for.

You did manage to get the best and worst of MN on this thread, and I'm sorry for the difficult time that you were given at such an awful time. But am pleased that some came out of it.

some "good", even.

Fruitload. Mumsnet is like many other large groups of people. You get good ones and bad. What I would hope this thread has highlighted for a number of us, is that we self moderate and in instances where people get out of line, we need to be a bit quicker to stop it. There are very clear guidelines on this site for how we should treat one another and I for one will now be reporting anyone repeatedly in breach of those guidelines. It is not acceptable and I believe I am in the majority who say we are not having bullying on this site. Having differences of opinion is one thing and it is what has made mumsnet great but it is how those differences are handled at the moment that is causing some trouble.

I hope you stay - I would hate to think that the voice of the minority would cause you to think badly of what is otherwise a great site.

This thread made me consider whether or not i still wanted to be a member, but there are some others that I am on that are great and still had me laughing.

HandW, I am pleased you are feeling stronger and have taken some very firm steps. I dont think you have anything to apologise for - you were asking for advise and a couple of very silly, very arrogant people assumed to know more then they could possibly have had enough information to make a rational "expert" judgment on. The language etc was bad, but i doubt that I would have been much different. Thanks for checking back in and yes, we would like to know how your daughter gets on. I think I speak for most of us when I say I hope she gets the support she needs and resumes life as a happy and healthy young woman with her whole life in front of her.

H&W - it was very good to read your post as I had been concerned about how you were coping with the battering you received from certain posters. I am glad you also took away some real help from Mumsnet, and I really hope that you and your DD will be able to deal with this better as a result of some of the advice you received on here at least.
And I also hope that some of the less supportive posters may have learned something from this thread too.

I think I'll just keep my thoughts to myself as advised earlier.

Farewell

Thankyou prettyfyl, that is the priority in my life now, to get her through this with as little damage as possible, and to try to mend any damage already done

Thankyou Lady

Thank you for coming back to let us know how you got on HAW - I wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't!

Thinking of you and your dd - good luck in getting through this x

Thanks Moles. We have a long way to go, but at least I now realise the loads of professional support thats available to help us, which I wouldnt have done without the information I picked up on here. I think these forums are a great medium for seeking advice, but as this one shows, they can perhaps be a bit off-putting!! x

Yes Reality, I can uderstand why to a certain extent. And I'm quite sure that in different circumstances I would have reacted in exactly the same way. I think I said on Friday, before this happened to us I would have been the very first in the queue to tell any mother never to doubt something like that this if its coming fromm their child, but in reality I did doubt her as I couldnt see my husband ever ever behaving in that way, still can't really, but the importance of being behind her 100% has more than sunk in with me so thats what I am now doing. In the words of my late dad, he's big enough and ugly enough to look after himself, she is just a child. Not saying that my dad said that about my husband, just about the adult/child thing in general...waffling now aren't I?

Waffle away

Wishing you and dd all the best xxx

HAW I'm glad you came back!

I'm afraid I stopped posting as it was all starting to get ugly, mostly because I had nothing to say....

I'm so glad your getting some help for your daughter and yourself I hope it proves useful for you. You have done entirely the right thing by confirming your trust in your daughter.

I wish you all the very best.

H&W, I'm glad you came back, I've been wondering how you were doing. I also completely understand how horrendously conflicted you must be, and that just makes you human. I can't begin to imagine how I'd feel, if this were my DH, and my daughter. The betrayals are on so very many levels, and though naturally your daughter is the first and last priority your own feelings aren't nothing, either.

I hope things improve for your family.