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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

2 My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making s

293 replies

hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:13

what happened there??

OP posts:
Molesworth · 21/02/2009 02:45

rhksmum, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you

hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:46

moles i am no trol and am so pleased that this has proved to me i am not totally mad either!!

OP posts:
scrooged · 21/02/2009 02:47

It's alright. She needs you, she's still a child. This will live with her for the rest of her life. You need to trust her, believe that she's telling you tht truth because if she thinks that for one minute that you don't, it could cause permanent damage to your relationship with her. If on the other hand, you go and think about it, write it all down if this helps, then you tell her tomorrow that you believe in her, that you are always there for her no matter what and that you don't think that she should drop the charges at the moment, she'll remember this too and you'll have a closer relationship.

I do strongly suggest you get some expert help with this. Others have suggested the NSPCC, I know that Bernardo's also help. Call the school nurse on Monday and tell her about the reasons why your daughter wishes to drop the charges. Your daughter has a high level of trust in the school nurse or she would never have gone to her. It sounds like your daughter is more afraid of what's oing to happen to her step father rather then herself. Abusers have alot of power over their victims, the abuser's the one in control, the victim takes it back when they complain. As you've read, sometimes it takes a very long time for this. She's gone through so much already, examinations, meetings, interviews. She has a deep love for him and she feels the need to protect him because this is how they work, this is how they make sure the child they are abusing keeps quiet. No one would willingly want this. Look deep inside and ask yourself if she's right. She's so very brave, you must be so proud, you need to show her this.

lessonlearned · 21/02/2009 02:51

This has gone to CPS ie not CIN. This is safeguarding therefore a strategy meeting would have to be held. This is a multi agency response in line with ECM 'working together' strategy.
Your details are outdated, and I question your account of this. What local authority are you in? They are in line for special measures, if what you say is true!

rhksmum · 21/02/2009 02:51

I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe the op daughter is having a conflict going on in her head(?) he was meant to be her dad but he oversteped the father/daughter boundry, what he did was wrong but he's still her dad.
Thats where I struggled with it I still felt something for him and in my head it was wrong to report him, that if he was sent away it would be my fault, and part of me still thinks that BUT I had my daughter to think of and couldnt let him mess her up like I was

hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:51

yes scrooge i am very prod of her but also very scared of what will happen now for both of us, dd and me i mean

OP posts:
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:54

lesson i am in northants and what has happened has happened in the last 3 weeks!!

OP posts:
scrooged · 21/02/2009 02:55

Why are you afraid? What are you afraid of?

Have you had some support for this rhksmum?

hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:57

they told me cin meeting rather that case conf for child protection????

OP posts:
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 02:58

im afraid of the whole bloody lot scrooge, whats its going to do to me, my dd, my boys, my mum!! everything

OP posts:
lessonlearned · 21/02/2009 02:59

Again I say that if this has gone to Crown Prosecution Services, it is clearly not child in need section 17 of the Children Act - it is section 28 safeguarding!
Where is the Multi agency response??? IE strategy meeting which will have decided to proceed with prosecution?
OP please enlighten us???

scrooged · 21/02/2009 03:00

No, it's child protection. Child in need is something else entirely. If her stepfather has been charged with molesting her then this is a child protection matter as this really serious and requires a multi-agency approach which has specific deadlines. A child in need is more relaxed.

rhksmum · 21/02/2009 03:00

I'm seeing a psychologist just now which is slowly helping but I still cant get by the fact that they were my mum and dad, their friends I can kind of deal with and accept that that part wasnt my fault but the rest not right now

Molesworth · 21/02/2009 03:00

CIN (Children in Need) does not sound like an appropriate course of action where an allegation of sexual abuse has been made.

(based on googling, not professional knowledge)

hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 03:02

lesson I DO NOT KNOW!!! help me here please for god sake!! i have been told a cin meeting, ie children in need, will take place to action a safety plan, rather than a full chld protection case conference, you sound like the expert here, not me so help me please

OP posts:
Molesworth · 21/02/2009 03:04

Can I just ask if this CIN meeting was arranged after talking to the police/SS about dropping charges?

scrooged · 21/02/2009 03:04

You really do need to take each day as it comes. You are not going to be able to control what happens to you at this stage of your life so you have to put your children first.

I agree with lessons. It is clearly a child protection issue. You should be having regular meetings with social services and all the other agencies involved in all of your children's care, not just your daughters. The school nursing team will be involved, as will your GP, the school and the police. The police liaise with the crown prosecution.

lessonlearned · 21/02/2009 03:05

PLease everyone GOOGLE ECM. If i'm talking out of my arse here, I will accept a complete flaming!!! With humility!!! - I do not post here in order to be a smart arse!

Molesworth · 21/02/2009 03:07

Child in Need Section 17 Children Act 1989 for your info OP

lessonlearned · 21/02/2009 03:09

Good question molesworth!

scrooged · 21/02/2009 03:09

I'm agreeing with you lessons!

hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 03:10

sw told me cin not child protection, sounds the same to me!!

OP posts:
Molesworth · 21/02/2009 03:10

Quote:

Child in Need

2.10 A child is defined as being a child in need if:

They are unlikely to achieve or maintain, or have the opportunity of achieving, or maintaining, a reasonable standard of health or development without the provision for them of services by a Local Authority
or
Their health or development is likely to be significantly impaired or further impaired, without the provision of such services
or
They are disabled. (Sec. 17/10) Children Act 1989)

Molesworth · 21/02/2009 03:12

Detailed information on Child Protection procedures

This is from Devon County Council, but presumably Northants must follow the same procedures as laid down in law.

scrooged · 21/02/2009 03:14

Child in need is for (for example) disabled children who need support at home, not for children who are being abused. In legal terms, if the child's in iminent danger of harm then it's a child protection issue. Your husband has been charged with molesting her. This places her in iminent danger of harm, they will be looking into your other children as they may be at risk of harm. CIN is for children that need support to remain where they are living. The two are completely different, all the meetings/timings of meetings/agencies are different. One is for assessment, one is for protection.