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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I have been doing really well but....

191 replies

NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 15:58

.... I spoke to a mutual friend last night and I really want to tell him about it. Keep me busy as I know he doens't want to know. (emailed to say I had gossip and did he want to know, and no reply.) I am not going to email again. Keep me focused!!

OP posts:
Doodle2U · 14/01/2009 16:00

Right NAB - no idea what yer on about but could you help thing of some rousing work songs for another poster? here.

MadreInglese · 14/01/2009 16:03

You need to get yourself a new hobby or project

Or help out the random "can anyone find me a ......." threads

NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 16:11

Tis okay.

Rang my DH instead and he told me about something at work which has kept me out of trouble

OP posts:
candystick · 14/01/2009 16:24

NAB3 -I've thought long and hard over the past couple of weeks whether or not to post on your threads but so far have decided not to. Until now...

Over the past month I have been to hell and back.

My DP had an emotional affair (for want of a better expression) via text/mobile/email. This was with an ex from his past.

A lot of similarities with your situation -at first I wondered if you were the OW and I was the DP of the man you are posting about ! (thankfully you're not )

Anyway, like I said I have been to hell and back. Our children came within a hairs breadth of losing their home, their family and their lives as they know it. I nearly became a single parent. All a week before Xmas.

All this was because of a relationship from the past that should stay in the past. A relationship that for the sake of the 2 families and 4 children involved should be forgotten about.

Please think before you email/text/phone this man again. Your actions could destroy your families.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I've been on the receiving end of the consequences of such actions and its not nice.

DP and I are working bloody hard to rebuild our lives. The man you talk about may be trying to do the same within his family.

I couldn't stand it if the OW contacted my DP again -after all that could be the beginning of the end of our family.

As I said before I've not commented on your threads before but I really feel that I need to tell you what it could be like for the other parties involved.

NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 16:43

Several times I have read thread titles with my heart in my mouth in case it was his wife.

I really won't have any more contact, he has made it clear that is what he wants as he hadn't replied to any messages I sent last week.

I am 100% I am at a place where I could have been in control of the situation should he have started with any flirty business, and could have been friends. He doesn't want just friendship so it is fine.

I am sorry for what you have been through and I hope you all move on stronger from this.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 14/01/2009 16:45

STOP EMAILING HIM

HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

please, you are going to push your DH away

scorpio1 · 14/01/2009 16:49

you have to stop contacting him.

I have been following this, although not posting. Keeping in contact is a bad idea. Your DH sounds a great man.

MorrisZapp · 14/01/2009 16:49

I can't believe you have emailed him.

Does your DH know that you email him and want to be friends with him?

If this was me I'd have packed your bags by now and be shouting NEXT, I do apologise if that sounds harsh.

You can't have both men. Do you grasp this?

mimulus · 14/01/2009 16:53

Candystick, that was an excellent post and I relate to it so well.

NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 16:55

DH knows I emailed him today and what I said.

He knows he can trust me again.

People can be friends with exes but in this case he doesn't feel he can be friends me with. I am so over all the other stuff. I haven't emailed him for ages and wouldn't have done today if I hadn't have something I wanted to tell him that I knew he would laugh at.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 14/01/2009 16:57

just stop

no excuses, no reasons, nothing

compo · 14/01/2009 16:58

your dh must be a saint
why do you emailhim and then tell your dh?
Is it an attention thing maybe?

NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 16:58

I am not making excuses. I am trying to say how it is so you all don't think I am going to fuck up again but there is no point as you don't believe me.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 14/01/2009 16:59

but the fact is, by contacting him, you are potentially making more trouble

NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:00

I told him so he knew I wasn't keeping anything from him. It's a fucking email asking him if he wanted to know some gossip. Not, did he want to screw me!

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 14/01/2009 17:00

I don't get it. How can you be so over all the other stuff when you post here every day about the pain and sadness you feel at losing this love?

You are nowhere near anything like over him enough to be casually emailing, as you well know or else you wouldn't be asking for our help to distract you from wanting to!

You need to stop it and move on.

Lulumama · 14/01/2009 17:01

c;mon nab, this is not just a mate you had gossip for, this is a man you potentially would have an affair with

and have certainly been weeping over

it is a big deal

no point getting angry with the people here trying to support you

NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:01

I would not have emailed him if I hadn't have had a certain talk last night with a mutual friend. Maybe I was trying to show him I could just be friends.

I am not starting anything up again.

I am so over him.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 14/01/2009 17:02

Oh please. Any contact with a recent ex effectively says 'screw me' and you must know this.

If you're contacting him then you still want him, he knows it, we know it, and it's so horrible to think that deep down your DH must know it too.

Lizzylou · 14/01/2009 17:02

Nab, please take on board what Candystick has said (which I don't think was harsh at all, CS, hope you are OK now)and stop this now.
Like Candystick I've read a lot of your threads these past weeks and I've been torn between feeling sympathy for you and wanting to shout (virtually of course) at you.
Goodness knows what your Dh thinks.
Leave it, stop emailing him, over anything and count your blessings, for your and your family's sakes.

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 14/01/2009 17:02

NAB, this man DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU.
Honestly, leave him alone. Get some counselling as to why you are so obsessed with this individual, and get it quickly before either your DH runs out of patience or the other man has you charged with harassment. Because it is harassment to keep emailing someone who has told you to stop contacting him.

Lulumama · 14/01/2009 17:03

you are kidding yourself if you think you are over him, you are not , hence posting here and obsessing

finding a reason to contact him, again

you are going to drive your DH away

please nab , you are a lovely girl with a heart of gold, but this is going to tear you and your family apart

NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:04

Yes, I did want an affair in my head, I have cried buckets over him, I asked for support, I was heartbroken. THAT WAS THEN. No contact has been the best thing for me and my DH and I are as strong as ever.

I am getting nagry as you are all assuming I am going to start something up again. I AM NOT.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 14/01/2009 17:05

i think your DH is probably hurting and feeling rejected on some level

compo · 14/01/2009 17:06

'that was then'
as in last week?????