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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have been doing really well but....

191 replies

NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 15:58

.... I spoke to a mutual friend last night and I really want to tell him about it. Keep me busy as I know he doens't want to know. (emailed to say I had gossip and did he want to know, and no reply.) I am not going to email again. Keep me focused!!

OP posts:
Lulumama · 14/01/2009 17:30

i agree with dittany

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:30

MI - you are right. I do care too much about what people think. I am 100% certain nothing would happen. It was a blip at a very diffficult time when we started talking, etc but that is all fine now.

I get the message loud and clear that he doesn't want to hear from me at all and while that has been hurtful in the past, I know I am with the right man and I wish the om well.

OP posts:
compo · 14/01/2009 17:31

Okay..... so you realise you shouldn't have emailed him and now you aren't going to email him ever again.
Sorted.
Enjoy your evening with dh

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:31

Right, it was about something that happened at school long before he met his wife THAT is why it would have no interest to her.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 14/01/2009 17:31

nab, do you understand why it is wrong though? or do you thikn we are all wrong and not understanding the situation?

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:32

Thank you compo.

I know in future that I am not allowed to be honest on here and that is fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:32

Of course I know I was wrong to email him but it was something funny. not anything personal.

OP posts:
TooMuchNoise · 14/01/2009 17:33

Don't be so naive and/or disingenious. Of course you know why she might have been interested to know you'd been emailing him. If she was in full possession of the facts that is

beanieb · 14/01/2009 17:33

" I am 100% certain nothing would happen. It was a blip at a very diffficult time when we started talking, etc but that is all fine now." if you are 100% certain then why did you start the thread asking people to keep you focused?

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:33

Maybe I thought purely news emails would be fine. Obviously he doens't want even that. He said one thing and did another so I think I am not unreasonable to assume he might want a chatty message.

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 14/01/2009 17:34

Of course it was personal you daft woman! You have been having an emotional affair with this man, he has asked you not to contact you and you have done. It is intensely personal!

MadreInglese · 14/01/2009 17:34

Well I think I need to leave this subject alone now.

Good luck NAB, I hope you find the strength to do the right thing.

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:34

Because I am not perfect beanieb and really wanted to tell him as it was so funny.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 14/01/2009 17:35

My DP has had quite a few emails via Friends Reunited from ex schoolmates I have never met. I'm cool about it.

He doesn't have to hide them because they are no threat to our relationship.

But emails from you to this guy are a threat to the OW's relationship, totally regardless of the content.

Are we all the stupid ones here? Do you get the principle we're driving at?

dittany · 14/01/2009 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:35

Bangs head against wall too.

OP posts:
MarlaSinger · 14/01/2009 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beanieb · 14/01/2009 17:36

but you already had told him, safe in the knowledge that you were 100% sure that there was nothing more to it so why ask people to keep you focused? Unless you are not 100% certain?

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:36

Well, I didn't think a old friend news email was a threat to my marriage and neither did my husband.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 14/01/2009 17:37

nab, you are looking for excuses and reasons to contact him.

if the contact was harmless, to him, to you and your DH and the OM's wife, you would not have started this thread

stop trying to justify it to yourself and to MN

have you thought about how you would feel if DH ahad been breaking his heart over another woman and wanting to emial her gossipy bits of news from your shared past ??

BecauseImWorthIt · 14/01/2009 17:37

But clearly you did because you came on here to ask us to help you focus on not doing it again ...

There's none so deaf as those who won't listen.

Lizzylou · 14/01/2009 17:37

I totally 100% agree with Marla's post

beanieb · 14/01/2009 17:37

I'm out of here too. Good luck NAB.

dittany · 14/01/2009 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 17:37

no idea what this naval gazing thing was.

i haven't emailed him for nearly a week. anything else that woul dhave made me laugh I wouldn't have sent it to him. it was only becasue it was a mutual friend who mentioned this man that made me think i would tell him too

OP posts: