I have been doing really well but....

[NAB3lovelychildren]

.... I spoke to a mutual friend last night and I really want to tell him about it. Keep me busy as I know he doens't want to know. (emailed to say I had gossip and did he want to know, and no reply.) I am not going to email again. Keep me focused!!

I do not want to destroy anything.

I thought he would find it funny, that is all.

My DH has forgiven me and I know how lucky I am with that.

If this was YOUR dh and HIS wife (role reversal) and your DH had said "look, NAB - I dearly love you but my hread is screwed with this woman I've loved forever.... I won't email him again though so it's all fine..." and then you found out he DID email him "because it was just gossip"...

How would you feel? What would you think?

Would you be able to trust him ever again, considering he's gone back on what he said he'd do?

Would you be able to move on - again - from his contact with this person?

What would YOU do if YOU were being treated like this, NAB?

I don't want answers on here - just think. Really, really think long and hard about how you would feel and what you would do if your husband was contacting the "love of his life"

Then think about what your husband has done. Think about the grace and mercy he's shown you and think about what you've done to him today by emailing this man.

If that doesn't make you realise just how bloody lucky you've been, I don't know what will.

I hope you truly, really do not contact this person EVER again with gossip or anything more unless you're prepared to let your husband go and find someone who really does respect him enough to be trustworthy.... he doesn't deserve this NAB. Don't screw him over. Don't ruin your life, alright?

er, "head is screwed..."

Hear hear Lewis.

NAB you have to stop emailing him.

That is it.

The sooner you stop, the sooner you can get over him.

It doesn't matter what you are emailing him about, it is the fact you are emailing him. It will make you feel better now and worse in the future.

I don't think I was making excuses but I can see why people might think that.

I was trying to just be a friend as I had worked through all the other stuff and I was wrong to think he wanted that too. He has also said things that made me feel he would want to hear from me but hey ho.

I did a bad thing last year.

I apologised.

I fixed things with DH.

I had a minor blip wanting to tell him something funny. I wanted to remind myself not to do it.

I have had the might of MN on top of me. And it isn't nice but I am sure well deserved.

Again, I apologise to those I have pissed off.

I haven't wanted to email him for days. I had moved on and got back to RL. If I hadn't have had the conversation I had last night I would not have emailed him at all.

I hear you.

I don't think you are hearing me.

NAB, you have NOT worked through it. You have been going on about this for weeks now, threads here and there describing your heartache, sending him emails and checking for the read the return receipt etc etc. If you worked through it, you would not have even thought about sending him any type of communication.

It was a step.

I carried on emailing him before as there were things I wanted to say. I got it loud and clear that he wasn't going to reply.

THIS was innocent. I thought it would be okay. HE has decided it isn't so I won't again.

There is nothing more to say to him.

___

I hadn't worked through it before as he kept emailing and talking to me! So he was doing and sayinfg different things so no wonder I didn't know where I was.

It was only last week we had our last conversation. I believe him. It is over. I am fine with that. I want my husband.

And, I thought it was very nice that your DH took you out and bought you beautiful jewellery at the weekend, all the while, you are on here writing about the other man.

That is so sad.

Okay, so I was stupid. I thought because I was fine that it was done that we could be friends. He is the one who can't just be friends. SO he can't have anything. Fine.

Not having wanted to email him "for days" isn't getting over it.

I'm not sure how long it takes tbh but it is longer than that. Months maybe.

I do speak from experience.

But why did that conversation make you want to email him? Did the other person say "oh, do you remember X from school... blah blah"?

I am hearing you - you have done really well to come so far already, but do you see there is still some way to go? You're very nearly there mate - don't ruin it now!

Can you say what you'll do next time a conversation makes you want to contact him> Will you risk it? Risk your marriage and family - and his?

Or can you say "Right, I know what I have here... it's way too precious to risk. I'll not contact him on ANY level and if he leads me on, I'll tell him to stop because I'm not going to mistreat the trust my family have shown me"

I think that's what you may need to do - because knowing what you FELT for him (past tense), continuing even platonic contact may cause problems because there's all sorts of ways to say "shag me" without being explicit.

What do you think? Good idea or bollocks?

It wasn't fine before because I still wanted more. NOW I DON't so I thought it was okay. I hear it that it isn't and there will be no more.

NAB - I am going to say the thing to you that Lou33 said to me. It will hurt but it is true.

This is over for him.

Unless you want him to think you are a bunny boiler, DO NOT CONTACT HIM AGAIN - under ANY circumstances. Even if it seems totally innocuous to you. It will come across (even if you don't mean it to) that you are going to cause him trouble.

You may be able to be friends again one day, but I really doubt it.

Yes, the other person brought him up.

I WILL NOT ever email him any news as I know he doesn't want it and I don't want to cause any more problems.

I wouldn't risk another kicking like this!!

I dind't have an ulterior motive but clearly he might think I did. I was wrong. I accept that. I don't need the massive kicking but I am sure many think I deserve it.

I can take it. I have been through harder things. Would have been nice to be believed but I can't ask for that.

Thank you lewis for having a tiny bit of faith in me

I had nade progress.

I had gone from emailing him loads and thinking about him constantly and crying to not emailing for days and only thinking about him when this person mentioned him yesterday.

NAB - I really believe that you think you didn't have any other motive. Believe me, you will look back in a year and realise that is not true. I have been where you are. It is not dignified.

Next time you feel like getting in touch, remember...'It is over for him'.

Something happened this week to make me realise what went on with him was crap. THAT is why I know I am over him. This was a tiny blip brought on by SOMEONE ELSE mentioning him.

Enough now.