Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me, I don't know what to do.... am shaking

194 replies

fruitstick · 03/01/2009 23:41

Bit of background - I'm 7 months pregnant with DC2. DH gave up smoking on the 1st.

I've been pussy footing around him for days trying to be supportive and biting my tongue everytime he snaps at me or is horrid. Have looked after DS1 so he doesn't annoy him etc etc.

Tonight he went out to the pub with his best mate which I was fine about - in fact, quite looking forward a night in by myself after christmas sociability etc.

Anyway, he comes home at 10:30 with 3 strangers in tow (friends of his mate) all roaring drunk. I was in the kitchen in my pyjamas putting some washing on.

I am pissed off that they have ruined my even ing but make my excuses and go and have a bath. Then find that they are about to play sing star. I ask DH if they would mind not as I would like to read (well mumsnet) in bed undisturbed. He just laughs in my face and pushes past me.

I go down and ask, when he is in the kitchen, to fetch my computer. Again he just laughs at me. I fetch my computer myself and get a glass of water and head upstairs. I can't honestly remember what he said to me as I was going but I flipped and threw the glass of water at him (the water not the glass). I know I shouldn't have.

He then comes upstairs and screams at me that I have humilaited him. I don't mind that but it's just the way he spoke to me... just with utter contempt. He then threated to hit me which I have to say he has never ever done and I don't think he would but he looked like he might! He said that he hadn't done anything wrong and that I was behaving like a twat and humiliated him.

He behaves like a spoilt brat regularly when drunk and my friends always overlook it, I suggest his friends might as I'm pregnant. 'No they won't, and neither will anybody else. Nobody gives a shit, what do you want, some kind of medal.'

He then basically says that he wants to have fun with his friends which he doesn't want to do with me. I get upset, he laughs at me again and says 'is that what you want to hear, the truth hurts doesn't it.'

He is now downstairs singing with these complete strangers!

I'm in pieces and I don't know what to do. I want to just wake up DS1 and walk out but I have nowhere to go. All my friends are away.

Am desperate. I know that he won't be sorry and still say it was all my fault for throwing water over him.

Please tell me what to do.

OP posts:
blinks · 03/01/2009 23:45

do you have family nearby?

Original poster
fruitstick · 03/01/2009 23:46

No, they're nearly 2 hours away.

OP posts:
blinks · 03/01/2009 23:46

i would suggest getting you and your child out of there asap- deal with the rest later.

what city are you in?

scifinerd · 03/01/2009 23:47

God what a bastard. Does he often behave like this? What is he lik when sober?

leoleosuperstar · 03/01/2009 23:47

Are they complete strangers?

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 23:48

I don;t know tbh I would not want to raise my child with such a man but understand that starting out alone would be hard when 7 months pregnant,

leoleosuperstar · 03/01/2009 23:48

Agree with blinks - even from the point that he has to know this is completely and totally out of order and not in any way acceptable.

moondog · 03/01/2009 23:49

Sorry but how is he disturbing you if you want to go to bed and read/MN in any case?

Coming home pissed with a few mates isn't a crime.

pinkteddy · 03/01/2009 23:49

What a bastard. What would your dad say if you phoned him and told him this? Mine would be in the car and straight round. Have you got any friends or family nearer than your parents?

moondog · 03/01/2009 23:49

And imagine the uproar on here if he had thrown the water at you.
That is so bloody rude!

pinkteddy · 03/01/2009 23:50

He threatened to hit her moondog.

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 23:50

No coming home pissed is not a crime and the OP has said that she should not have thrown the water.

But noone should ever threaten to hit anyone let alone a pregnant woman, he has also spoken to her with complete contempt.

stevielisa · 03/01/2009 23:50

i agree with blinks hun - do you drive? if so, get you and the lo out of there xx

blinks · 03/01/2009 23:50

moondog- that's besides the point.

whether OP fanned the flames with the water or not, point is he's behaved aggressively and OP is pregnant, in house with three strangers, a belligerent drunk who has threatened violence and a child.

not good and no point in hanging around to see what happens.

scifinerd · 03/01/2009 23:51

Did you read the OP's post properly Moondog?

WalkingInAWonderStuffingLand · 03/01/2009 23:51

[hugs] How awful, will he be sorry when he wakes up sober? Has he always been like this or is it a recent thing?

Pawslikepaddington · 03/01/2009 23:51

I know this sounds awful coming from a complete stranger but what are you doing with that man? He sounds emotionally abusive± You do not need to put up with him treating you like that-you are better off on your own than having to put up with that-I would tolerate that under no circumstances. Do you have anyone you can ring? Even someone you don't know that well? When my friend went through something similar we barely knew each other as she had moved into the area three weeks earlier, but I was the only person she knew nearby and needed someone to just sit with her for a bit. You poor poor thing xx

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 23:51

She has said she was wrong to throw the water,

Original poster
fruitstick · 03/01/2009 23:51

No they are friends of DHs friend although DH has never met them before.

This doesn't happen often but, when he's under pressure he can be quite nasty. He isn't violent or anything but just behaves as if I am nothing to him, which he knows upsets me far more than actually shouting or screaming.

When he's sober (and most of the time when he's not) he's fine, although will usually put his wants before anybody else's .... but no more than most.

OP posts:
DippyDino · 03/01/2009 23:51

Don't panic. Breathe. Ok.

He's being a twat. I'm not saying water throwing willy nilly is fantastic behaviour, but you are pregnant, and he is drunk, and he is behaving like a twat, helped along by the alcohol and fag deprivation.

But it sounds like he is harbouring some resentment.

I would say DO NOTHING. You can't reason with him at the moment, you can't talk him round or calm the situation down. Make yourself comfy in bed as best you can and try to get some rest.

Stay well away and schedule a Talk in The Morning. (Or afternoon).

moondog · 03/01/2009 23:51

Did he say he would hit her or just look threatening?
I'd look bloody threatening if someone threw a glass of water in my face.

MichaelaS · 03/01/2009 23:51

call the police and explain the situation. maybe they can have the strangers removed and lock your husband up for the night to sober up.

blinks · 03/01/2009 23:52

fruitstick- where are you (even roughly)?

NancysGarden · 03/01/2009 23:53

Can you lock your bedroom (with your child) and deal with it tomorrow (doesn't sound like leaving is an option at this exact moment). You might feel differently when you're calmer. (You have every right to be furious but now's not the tine to deal with it nothing constructive can come of it).

Long term it sounds like you need a talk with your DP and sort this thing out. (with a 3rd party if necessary).

Lavendar might help to calm you down. Feel for you.

WalkingInAWonderStuffingLand · 03/01/2009 23:53

Moondog you're out of order.

Swipe left for the next trending thread