I just had a can of beer thrown in my face by DP and think I deserved it.

[AmIWhatAndWhy]

I was going to namechange but don't have time, the lovely lot that know me in real life from mumsnet will, I hope, not think less of me.

I think I deserved it as I've secretly drinked in the past. I had pnd with dd and for good reasons really. I did adress it and thought I was over it, but with DP I still have to hide it.

Today I had done all I needed to (including getting his christmas presents)and after being out all day with the two kids really just wanted to sit down for a cold beer or two. Fool me, I bought an 8 pack thinking I'd tell him there was 6 so I drank one and had opened another just as he came in. Don't ask me why but I hid it in the pasta pan I'd just put on the side after doing the kids tea with a plate on top. He came in and wanted a sandwich and found it.

So as I was hoovering our room as he insisted when he got in he started washing up and found it. I don't know who is right here but I wish I had a friend to give me a big hug hug.

He INSISTED you hoover when he got in?!

Did he say anything before he chucked the beer in your face?

Oh dear Whatever you do noone deserves to have anything thrown at them. Why do you have to hide it? ((hug))

He is very very wrong.

I lived with a drinker for two years and my god it can be frustrating, but violence is always wrong.

even though they are terribly netmums.

Will be back when DD is in bed.

Oh dear.

I hope you're ok and it didn't hurt too much.

I can see his perspective although he shouldn't have thrown it in your face - i'm guessing he's just very worried about you.

Could you talk to him about it - or maybe talk to AA or a counsellor?

Sorry not much help.

oh didn't see the bit about him 'insisting' you hoover - that sounds a little worrying.

He said where did I find this? I said 'in the pasta pan where I left it, there's not a story about this but can we talk'. Then he threw it in my face.

He threw the beer in my face, not the can. It was about 3/4 full.

No but he is very angry. Right now he's lying in bed, I've tried three times to talk to him (all this after I'd had a shower and changed) and he is grunting at me.

I realised you meant the beer still not nice. Is he very scared do you think?
Do you mean he insisted on doing the washing up? Or insisted you hoovered?

That just can't be right.

Why do you drink secretly - do you really drink a lot? It doesn't seem that dreadful to have a couple of beers when you get home from a stressful day out. Or would you have the whole 8-pack?

Is his problem with the drinking or the secrecy? I can't help but wonder why you keep it secret. I drink more than dh but not secretly. I do have to keep an eye on it, and occaisionally dh will comment if he thinks I'm knocking it back.

Secrecy because after DD was born I drank far more than I should have, and at 'wrong' times. Nothing bad came of it but he always calls me up on it. He'd prefer to be in when I'm drinking.

How do you get on otherwise?

I know it doesn't make sense. Maybe I should see it as a slight from him (an awful one) and one from me too, and just be more honest. tbh he is thinking the worst, he says he will check our bank statements to see if I've been drinking with the children. Not sure how he'd know if I had really.

pour the beer down the sink-yes

throw it in your face-assault

sorry, there are all kinds of things wrong here

he does sound mainly just very worried about you.

Do you think you still have a bit of a drinking problem that may be helped by discussing it with someone?

I come from a family of heavy drinkers/alcholics so tend to be quite careful myself about what i drink.

I also think that drinking in secret/hiding the evidence is a big red flag.

I said that to him 'anyfucker'

And also , I think, opened a conversation quite gently, trying not to row as I knew he'd be angry. For him to do that, then yell at me to clean it up as I was sobbing and undressing for a shower. It's not on?

'he does sound mainly just very worried about you.'

so he throws a can of beer in her face..fucking hell, what would he do if he was mad at her then, not just worried

no excuse, he cant get away with behaving like that
and if you are having a beer, why hide it, that makes it look suspicious. are you scared of him, his reactions, normally?

To be honest I'd have been happy to discuss my alcohol issues with him (yes they are there, but lingering) but instead I now have a whole new issue to discuss. Does he think it's right to bring me to tears, with the children in the house?

Very wrong but maybe he is worried that you are drinking again and the impact that this could have and this caused him to snap in frustration.

I don't think you have addressed your drinking and pnd as you are feeling that you are needing to hide it from your dh. It sounds as if you need to do some work together to rebuild the trust within your relationship.

He sounds a monster. A violent aggressive bully. Bloody hell, this is assault. Why can't you drink a beer without him being there to supervise you. If I was married to teh kind of nasty fucker who'd 'insist' I did hoovering and threw beer all over me, I'd leave, and if I felt I couldn't leave, I'd drink.
How DARE he! He sounds a frightening person. I couldn't stay in a marriage like this.

it is not right, AmIWhat