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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Almost made a huge mistake - what can I do?

253 replies

mixedup · 10/03/2003 14:14

Am so ashamed of myself that i have changed my name for this...

Have been married for 5 years, together 7 years and have a good marriage except for one thing..Up till now have been sweeping the issue under the carpet but recently have been back in touch with my first ever boyfriend, there has always been an attraction between us and on Friday he told me that he really fancied me and wanted to take things further, I stupidly agreed, its been so long since anyone has made me feel this way, the temptation was overwhelming, i could not see straight, everytime i thought about it i would feel dizzy etc etc, after much thought today i decide to nip it in the bud before i made a huge mistake, i think he felt releived as he is also in a relationship, tho not married, no kids.

To get to the point, he unearthed feelings in me that i have squashed/ignored and now i do not know what to do...My dh and i get along really well but i do not fancy him in the slightest, he is more like a brother to me, great father and always puts us first, however (it hurts to say this) but he is lousy in the sack, too quick or non existant, it has always been this way and I niavely in the beginning thought it would get better. We have talked about it before and have never resolved it.

But now i cannot ignore it anymore, its really making me feel bad about my marriage and I am not sure what my options are, he will not go to the doctor or seek outside help, no-one else knows about it and I have reached the end of my tether and cannot bear to be in the same room never mind bed with him.

Sorry this is so long.

OP posts:
StuartC · 15/03/2003 08:25

I think DP would enjoy one of these - she gets a lot of pleasure from everything about sex. I would be delighted to make her a present of one - watching her climax is excellent.
I have one reluctance - perhaps other users could give me some guidance.
An ex-w used one and it was clear that after a while no other form of stimulation worked. Now, it may have been because the years of marriage had caused the reduction of interest in me as a sexual partner (so many threads about that on this site) - or it may have been that the relationship was under strain and in its final dragged-out couple of years. However, the conclusion I reached was that using the toy had de-sensitised her clitoris. After a few months neither her hand nor my hand - nor anything else - would produce a climax. Only this *** toy.
I would appreciate any advice - could giving this present (which DP is not aware of, and not asking for, but would enjoy) have a negative effect on our joint pleasure in sex?

dcolagirl · 17/03/2003 09:15

Wow, you guys have been busy over the weekend

The whole point of using toys is that the sex is usually great for the guys but not for the gals! Guys get theirs and the women are left thinking "was that it?" by which time dh is satisfied and snoring. Vibrators simply make it fair!!!!

dcolagirl · 17/03/2003 09:18

Oops, StuartC - I would be DELIGHTED if dh bought me one!

I have had several over the years and have never had a problem with 'de-senstiveness'. Although there is obviously some physical things that need to occur for a woman to, urm, well, you know, a lot of it, for me at least, is about how I'm feeling inside and how I feel about the person I'm with.

No amount of toy bashing is going to affect the psychology!!!!!

tryingtobediscreet · 17/03/2003 14:17

intriguing thread, had to add my twopenny worth!

Scatterbrain you made me giggle with your need for sweet tea, I can't do a grinning

My married sex is excellent, no complaints on the physical satisfaction front, but it's frequency is dire! My sex drive is definately higher than dh's, then again once or twice a year is quite a feat. He's repulsed by the idea of sex, others talking about it etc, if he found this thread he'd certainly need a sweet cup of tea.

Stuart, I'd jump for joy if he were to present me with a rabbit, rhino, robocock or any other fascinatingly named device. Only the chances of this are slim to say the least.
In answer to your q from memory of my previous life and the little silver toy I owned, yes it did desensitize me somewhat, but not permanently and it was worth it!!

SimonHoward · 17/03/2003 15:36

I can honestly say that the rabbit is fun, having used it on someone they found it great fun too.

DW has a large range of toys, shame they are all wasted.

It is a shame that there aren't a range of such stimulting toys for men without them looking like machines from Dr Frankensteins lab.

mixedup · 17/03/2003 15:47

All I am going to say is... WOW WOW WOW!

OP posts:
Bobbins · 17/03/2003 16:19

mixedup>

You might need to stock up on batteries

SimonHoward · 17/03/2003 16:33

Get rechargeable ones mixedup or an adapter to make it mains powered.

dcolagirl · 18/03/2003 08:53

SimonHoward, I have the opposite problem. Dh wants it ever day, twice a day, and I am happy with twice a week!

Welcome to the world of @*&$%£ Mixedup!

mixedup · 18/03/2003 09:14

forgive me for being thick DC, but what am i welcome to?

OP posts:
mum2toby · 18/03/2003 09:22

Mixedup - I 'think' DC was meaning welcome to the world of sex toys??..

By the way DC... I would be happy if my dp wanted it twice a MONTH!!!! ....too tired these days ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Good job I have my toys...... hee hee hee.

mixedup · 18/03/2003 09:26

thats all right then! By the way used with dh, who was initially a bit shocked, that wore off quite quickly!!! Better than sex any day. Not saying any more!

OP posts:
SimonHoward · 18/03/2003 12:35

dcolagirl

Your huuby and I must be related then.

I would like it twice a day every day.

I would love my DW to want it twice a week.

I'm lucky if I get it 4 times a year.

mum2toby · 18/03/2003 12:48

Hey SimonHoward - a fabulous solution to your problem and mine is becoming clear....

SimonHoward · 18/03/2003 12:50

mum2toby

The question is would they go for it though?

And to be honest would you go for me?

mum2toby · 18/03/2003 12:53

I think I'd probably have tough time convincing dp that it was just for the good of our relationship.... might jolt him into action though...

SimonHoward · 18/03/2003 12:55

Mum2toby

Go for it then.

dcolagirl · 18/03/2003 13:06

Yes, mixedup, I DID mean welcome to the world of sex toys! The words I was going to use were 'Welcome to the World of Explosive Orgasms!' actually!!

SimonHoward, don't you find that if you have sex that much i.e. twice a day, it becomes samey and routine, especially with kids in the house?

mum2toby · 18/03/2003 13:13

dcolagirl - I s'pose it depends who your having sex with!!

SimonHoward - tut tut tut..... be gone you bringer of temptation!!!!!!
I'm resisting.....
Honest.....

Where do you live??

mixedup · 18/03/2003 13:16

Now ladies and gentlemen, mentioning no names! behave yourselves, this was how this thread started in the first place.

SH are you expensive to hire out then?

OP posts:
mum2toby · 18/03/2003 13:19

OI MIXED UP!!! I got there first..... hands off.

mixedup · 18/03/2003 13:20

Whats up mum2toby can't stand the competition?!!!

OP posts:
starship · 18/03/2003 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dcolagirl · 18/03/2003 13:25

Mixedup, you sound like a liberated woman now!

What a fantastic thread this has turned out to be!! Thanks Mixedup!!

mum2toby · 18/03/2003 13:29

Mixedup - bring it on girl!!!

SH - I hope you're ready for all this, look what you've started!