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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Almost made a huge mistake - what can I do?

253 replies

mixedup · 10/03/2003 14:14

Am so ashamed of myself that i have changed my name for this...

Have been married for 5 years, together 7 years and have a good marriage except for one thing..Up till now have been sweeping the issue under the carpet but recently have been back in touch with my first ever boyfriend, there has always been an attraction between us and on Friday he told me that he really fancied me and wanted to take things further, I stupidly agreed, its been so long since anyone has made me feel this way, the temptation was overwhelming, i could not see straight, everytime i thought about it i would feel dizzy etc etc, after much thought today i decide to nip it in the bud before i made a huge mistake, i think he felt releived as he is also in a relationship, tho not married, no kids.

To get to the point, he unearthed feelings in me that i have squashed/ignored and now i do not know what to do...My dh and i get along really well but i do not fancy him in the slightest, he is more like a brother to me, great father and always puts us first, however (it hurts to say this) but he is lousy in the sack, too quick or non existant, it has always been this way and I niavely in the beginning thought it would get better. We have talked about it before and have never resolved it.

But now i cannot ignore it anymore, its really making me feel bad about my marriage and I am not sure what my options are, he will not go to the doctor or seek outside help, no-one else knows about it and I have reached the end of my tether and cannot bear to be in the same room never mind bed with him.

Sorry this is so long.

OP posts:
mixedup · 18/03/2003 13:36

will have to watch out now, having trouble getting my head through the door!

mum2toby, the last time i did this i brought on all sorts of trouble and ended up doing what i never in a million years thought i would do...buying a buzzy toy that is!

So SH think you could manage both of us?

OP posts:
mum2toby · 18/03/2003 13:43

Nah mixedup - men would like to think they could handle 2, but when it comes down to it.... we're just too much for them...

SH.... 'Rising' to the challenge yet?? You gone awfully quiet!

breeze · 18/03/2003 14:10

His wife has probably caught the thread and giving him a good telling off, or a good something else

tigermoth · 18/03/2003 14:27

breeze

mixedup · 18/03/2003 14:28

oops!

OP posts:
mum2toby · 18/03/2003 14:53

Hadn't thought of that!! Ah well... maybe he just got frightened......... bless.

starship · 18/03/2003 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

breeze · 18/03/2003 15:15

I'd still put my money on dw going for No5.

mixedup · 18/03/2003 15:16

We are not fighting are we mum2toby, i reckon he is chicken!

OP posts:
mum2toby · 18/03/2003 15:19

Course not Mixedup - maybe he got a bit 'excited' at the prospect and had to go .....ahem...... IYKWIM!

breeze · 18/03/2003 15:37

All mouth and no action, gets my vote. Well 4 times a year isn't much action is it.

mixedup · 18/03/2003 15:47

ooohh you 2 are wicked, poor SH, he is prob shaking in his boots!

OP posts:
mum2toby · 18/03/2003 15:51

Do you think we've annoyed him in some way? I hope not.

SIMONHOWARD.... WHERE ARE YOU????????

breeze · 18/03/2003 16:03

Mum2toby, I always know what you mean mate.

I know mixedup, we are a bit wicked, it a shame that SH is not here to defend himself, he will be shocked when he reads this later. Thats if his wife has finished with him.

SimonHoward · 19/03/2003 07:24

dcolagirl

I've never managed it twice in one week with my DW since she got pregnant let alone since DD was born. But as DD sleeps 11-14 hours a night there would not be too many problems if I had the chance.

Mum2toby

If you feel you must resist the lure of the dark side then be my guest. But if you can't I'm in West Sussex.

Mixedup

I only ever charge for travel, food and accomodation costs.

Ladies

Could I cope with both of you? At the same time or one after the other? And my DW would probably be more than happy for you to take me off her hands for a while ;-).

Breeze

Nope, was just busy yesterday and couldn't get back here. She would probably make me charge more if she found out though.

breeze · 19/03/2003 08:00

Sorry simonhoward, there are 3 now. Can you handle that?, no fighting girls.

breeze · 19/03/2003 08:02

Mum2toby, Sorry mate, but geography wise you miss out. Don't know where mixed up lives though.

mum2toby · 19/03/2003 08:04

Well well well SH - the wanderer returns. West Sussex? It's a wee bit too far away as I'm in Bonny Scotland. But if you ever feel this overwhelming pull to go North of the Border then ....... you never know.

Mixedup - I'd prefer one after the other and I'll go first since I started this

It's too early in the morning for all this!!! I haven't even had a coffee yet, howeverthis seems to e a better buzz than caffeine!!!

mum2toby · 19/03/2003 08:05

Ah well Breeze - you'll just have to let me know if he's all talk.....

mixedup · 19/03/2003 08:20

I am in Middlesex, so its not impossible.

Bad luck mum2toby! You had better get that coffee sounds like you are getting addicted to this!

Are you after him too then Breeze? Where are you? Or do I have you all to myself then eh SH? She says rubbing her hands together!!!

OP posts:
mixedup · 19/03/2003 08:23

Update on the ex, the lure of the rabbit has been tempting him all weekend and now he wants to see me on Thursday, I told him of course he could pop over for a cup of tea and whilst he was here he could give the kids their dinner!!!

I have no intention of sleeping with him, little does he know! Men always want what they can't have.

OP posts:
mum2toby · 19/03/2003 08:29

Glad to hear you're in control Mixedup!

However, if men always want what they can't have.... that means SH will always want me coz I'm too far away... hee hee

breeze · 19/03/2003 08:51

I am in Hampshire, Portsmouth so not too far away. Sorry SH I do not pay travel, food and accomodation. I have an old bike you can borrow, you can pack a pack-lunch and I will lent you a tent. See all sorted.

Mixed up. I am not a greedy person and still willing to share. (How big is SH ego right now....or anything else)

dcolagirl · 19/03/2003 08:53

Mixedup - good for you! I'm not in Friday or Monday so won't read your update till Tuesday - how will I cope??!!!!

nottherealme · 19/03/2003 10:09

I don't mean to sound prudish, and I know you are only joking, but I find the online flirting a little out of order. At least I think I would if I was SH's DW.