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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What a bloody night I've had...

369 replies

SOLOtsofBangers · 05/11/2008 00:30

Dp tells me he has two weeks off. He then tells me 3 days later that he's going on holiday. On his own. Nothing unusual there. I tell him that I'd quite like it if he'd actually spend some time with me for a change(we have never lived together). He leaves as he has a 'meeting' to go to.
I go to my parents house to be told that Dad has cancer...I had my suspicions, but I'm lost really. My son has taken it badly, but Dd too young to understand. Dp rings me before he runs off to his 'meeting' ~ he's late he says. Half hour later he rings again except that he hasn't ~ his phone has dialled my number in his pocket. I can hear a convo going on between a woman and him and he mentions that she hasn't paid for Antigua anyway(joke, joke, joke etc). Antigua, he told me he was going to Egypt! Alone! He's obviously at his house, so I made a quick dash to his with our Dd, knocked on the door, he answered ~ looked shocked. Said I couldn't come in, I asked if 'meeting' had been cancelled, he said he had someone here, it wasn't convenient. I shouted through the house 'hope you have a nice holiday with my boyfriend'. He says you might as well come in now then, it's out in the open.
She's not quite what I would have imagined her to be. He's very good looking, she's not and it's not just me being bitchy, because I'm really not that sort. I asked her how long she's been seeing him and she says....
4 years!.
I've been with him for 4 years! I'm so bloody angry. She didn't know about me or our Dd.
Anyway, I shouted a bit, really wanted to hit him but I wont lower myself to that.
I think I've spoiled their holiday...
I don't really want to hear 'get shot of him' tbh. I just needed to vent. I'm hurting so badly. I wanted to believe that he wouldn't do that to me, that he was different, that he would want me and our Dd in his life over other women. I was wrong.
4 years wasted. 4 bloody years. I can't even cry I'm so angry.

OP posts:
SOLOtsofBangers · 05/11/2008 00:34

I'm going to bed...

OP posts:
thritbies · 05/11/2008 00:37

Oh love, if you're still there I just wanted to let you know someone had read it. Don't know what to say

policywonk · 05/11/2008 00:38

Is that you solo? Sorry to hear this.

dittany · 05/11/2008 00:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickerless · 05/11/2008 00:41

Solo, I am so sorry.
I don't know what to say, I just didn't want your posts to go unanswered.

themildmanneredaxemurderer · 05/11/2008 00:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

superloopy · 05/11/2008 00:56

He is such a shitbag!! I guess the only positive you can take from this is that you have your lovely DD.

I'm sorry about your Dad too...

ledodgy · 05/11/2008 01:32

Oh God i'm so sorry.

mumoverseas · 05/11/2008 06:16

I'm so sorry to read what has happened. Hope you managed to get some sleep and know that when you are up to it, there will be people here to 'listen' and let you vent. x

SuperBunny · 05/11/2008 06:18

Oh solo, I'm sorry

littlestrawberry · 05/11/2008 06:25

I'm really sorry, what a twat!!

Sorry about your dad too, what a shit time

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 05/11/2008 06:30

Solo, it wasn't your fault nor were you in any way possibly even a tiny bit to blame for this.

I hope you can keep that in mind. He is a c*nt of the highest order and it could have happened to any single one of us. You didn't deserve it and you didn't know.

We are here for you pet.

ClaudiaSchiffer · 05/11/2008 06:53

Wow I am shocked . . . what an absolutely filthy shitbag of a man! And your poor dad. What an incredibly terrible night for you. I am so sorry.

cheerycherry · 05/11/2008 07:08

Poor poor you, what a terrible shock, and your poor dads news too.
Hope you can find a bit of time to be with your DCs, and for yourself to lick your wounds, and to meet up with your parents (without your DCs?) to talk things through.
Thinking of you.

inthemistsoftime · 05/11/2008 07:43

I am really sorry... its so shocking that someone that you think you know could do such things

Keep posting, it really does help to let it all out.

ladytophamhatt · 05/11/2008 07:51

Blimey....

Does the OW know about your DD?
Did they still go away?

If the OW has any sense she'll kick him out too.

DustyTvHasSizzlingSparklerssss · 05/11/2008 07:59

Oh I am so sorry for you, he is a twat.

I am sorry to hear of your dads awful news.

You have a wonderful DD, so not all wasted, but I can totally see why you would feel like that.

HappyWoman · 05/11/2008 08:01

Make sure he gives you maintence for you and DD - go and see a solicitor.
Sorry you are going through this.
If she didnt know about you either there will be fireworks.

You are both the ow.
What a wanker.

2cute2spook · 05/11/2008 08:14

oh my what a terrible night you have had. please take time out to look after both your dc's and yourself. so sorry about your dad as well.
big hugs to all of you and your family xx

Pheebe · 05/11/2008 08:15

He never really commited to the relationship did he. I mean you have a child together, clearly live close to one another and yet he's never moved in. Sorry to be so blunt but perhaps seeing it in black and white may help you to consider the reality of your situation here. He's treated you and (imo) your dd appalingly and with utter disrespect. He will always be the father of your child but (imo) don't waste any more of your emotional energy on him.

SOLOtsofBangers · 05/11/2008 08:56

Thank you ladies. I've read all your lovely posts and can't really answer each of them. I had a terrib;e night and even Dd was up for a lot of it and on top of that she now has the cold that Ds and I have had for weeks...
I am tearful now after reading your replies, which may be a good thing?
OW didn't, it would appear, know about me or our Dd. She asked how old she is ~ 22mos.
The thing is, I've asked him several times if he had someone else because a)I had a niggly feeling and b)I often found blond hair in his house(bedroom floor/bathplug/his dressing gown etc and he was always able to offer an explanation. What a git. I hate liars and he knows that as my exh was a dreadful liar. Angry, angry, angry.
Going back to bed. I know that this will probably bring on my ME worse than it usually is too, so I'm going t suffer badly.

OP posts:
SOLOtsofBangers · 05/11/2008 08:57

Policywonk, yes it's me ~ solo.

OP posts:
Tortington · 05/11/2008 08:59

so sorry

QuintessentialGunpowderPlot · 05/11/2008 09:06

So sorry to hear this Solo, this is awful, what a scumbag. At least you know for sure now.

SOLOtsofBangers · 05/11/2008 09:09

Just had a text off him...'I'm going on holiday. Sorry I didn't get to call. I'll call when I get back. I know you haven't had the opportunity 2 get things off ur chest. Sorry again 4 everythin'

I don't know if she's gone with him or not...

OP posts: