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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What a bloody night I've had...

369 replies

SOLOtsofBangers · 05/11/2008 00:30

Dp tells me he has two weeks off. He then tells me 3 days later that he's going on holiday. On his own. Nothing unusual there. I tell him that I'd quite like it if he'd actually spend some time with me for a change(we have never lived together). He leaves as he has a 'meeting' to go to.
I go to my parents house to be told that Dad has cancer...I had my suspicions, but I'm lost really. My son has taken it badly, but Dd too young to understand. Dp rings me before he runs off to his 'meeting' ~ he's late he says. Half hour later he rings again except that he hasn't ~ his phone has dialled my number in his pocket. I can hear a convo going on between a woman and him and he mentions that she hasn't paid for Antigua anyway(joke, joke, joke etc). Antigua, he told me he was going to Egypt! Alone! He's obviously at his house, so I made a quick dash to his with our Dd, knocked on the door, he answered ~ looked shocked. Said I couldn't come in, I asked if 'meeting' had been cancelled, he said he had someone here, it wasn't convenient. I shouted through the house 'hope you have a nice holiday with my boyfriend'. He says you might as well come in now then, it's out in the open.
She's not quite what I would have imagined her to be. He's very good looking, she's not and it's not just me being bitchy, because I'm really not that sort. I asked her how long she's been seeing him and she says....
4 years!.
I've been with him for 4 years! I'm so bloody angry. She didn't know about me or our Dd.
Anyway, I shouted a bit, really wanted to hit him but I wont lower myself to that.
I think I've spoiled their holiday...
I don't really want to hear 'get shot of him' tbh. I just needed to vent. I'm hurting so badly. I wanted to believe that he wouldn't do that to me, that he was different, that he would want me and our Dd in his life over other women. I was wrong.
4 years wasted. 4 bloody years. I can't even cry I'm so angry.

OP posts:
QuintessentialGunpowderPlot · 05/11/2008 09:10

Was she still there when you left last night?

I reckon he might be trying to salvage ONE relationship. I hope they have a miserable time....

ggglimpopo · 05/11/2008 09:12

Oh Solo, I know you don't want to hear this - but is he worth the misery. As the french say 'It is far better to be alone than in bad company'.

You deserve better.

cyteen · 05/11/2008 09:12

Jeez, what a shitehawk I hope he gets really bad piles and they get infected.

All the best to you and yours solo, especially your dad. I know your mind will be in chaos at the moment but hopefully at least knowing for sure about the OW rather than having suspicions will allow you to concentrate your energies where they're needed, on you, your kids and your father.

shabster · 05/11/2008 09:13

MALAKER (Greek for wanker)

Head up high, smile painted on and be strong!

teasleepfood · 05/11/2008 09:15

Solo,
I'm so sorry. What a tosser. I feel for you so much. What a crappy text too. I hope we can help give you strength to march on. You have a beautiful DD and DS and they need you now more than ever, I hope you have someone near who will be there for you. BIg mug of tea and huge slice of double chocolate cake coming up...

teasleepfood · 05/11/2008 09:17

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest his pubic hairs

oopsadaisyangel · 05/11/2008 09:17

So sorry to here that Solo - he really is a shite (although I know you don't want to hear that).

As Shabster said keep your head held high and be strong.

shabster · 05/11/2008 09:18

I am loving infection and infestation

Seriously though - you have the best thing out of this relationship - Your DD.

mankymummy · 05/11/2008 09:18

well even if she has gone with him, they're not likely to be talking sweet nothings... more likely she will be giving him crap every single day, questions questions.

if he's on his own, he can sit and stew on what he's done.

what an utter, utter twat.

and if i'd got that text off him (and he didnt even have the decency to ring!!), id have lobbed the phone out the window.

QuintessentialGunpowderPlot · 05/11/2008 09:21

dont!
dont lob your phone out the window. Just dont reply....

QuintessentialGunpowderPlot · 05/11/2008 09:22

or say: "There is nothing to talk about. We will sort out visitation with dd amicably"

ggglimpopo · 05/11/2008 09:23

A dignified silence is far scarier and harder for him to deal with than ranting or crying from you. It will also give you time to think and to try to get yourself together.

I bet she is giving him hell

NorbertDentressangle · 05/11/2008 09:23

Jeez!

He's lied to you for 4 years and then sends that crappy text that basically says Sorry but I'm off on holiday to have a good time whilst your world falls apart around you.

Solo, I'm so sorry that anyone has to go through what your going through.

HappyWoman · 05/11/2008 09:24

Text him later to say that it would be wise for both him and her to visit the STD clinic. Also say - yes it is a pretty humiliating experience but not too bad.

That will make them both think you all 'share' something else and hopefully spoil any fun he may be expecting.

Hopefully she will be giving him hell too, he will be feeding all sorts of lies about you no doubt but you must now show that you are nothing but inoccent in all this.

Do try and take care of yourself.

Ewe · 05/11/2008 09:24

What an absolute arsehole I feel angry and don't even know either of you, you must be absolutely fuming

Cannot believe he has still gone on holiday. The bastard.

blinks · 05/11/2008 09:25

you must be so disappointed.

at least you know now though and can spend your time on people who enrich your life instead of cocksuckers like him.

is your dad's cancer treatable?

compo · 05/11/2008 09:25

can't believe he's still going and not trying to make amends
that tells you all you need to know sadly
I would think she's gone too as well

QuintessentialGunpowderPlot · 05/11/2008 09:25

I like HappyWomand idea.

VictorianSqualor · 05/11/2008 09:28

Shit solo, I'm really sorry you have got to go through this. I remember when I found out my Dad had cancer, that was a terrible enough time without the added crap.
I agree he didn't really commit to the relationship but of course that isn't going to stop you hurting.
Try and concentrate on getting you and your children through this tough time with your father, the wanker can keep.

Troutpout · 05/11/2008 09:28

what a maggot

So sorry Solo.

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 05/11/2008 09:48

Oh God. That's just shocking.

I'm curious to know how he explained the blonde hair though.

Some people are just utterly appalling. All credit to you for finding out what was going on. Many of us would have hidden our heads in the sand and pretended all was fine. You've been brave and sensible - Well done.

You've kept your dignity as well which I really admire.

spicemonster · 05/11/2008 09:55

Solo I'm so sorry. What a shit.

I hope he has a horrible holiday. Ignore the text - he'll be shitting himself by the time he gets back.

RubyRioja · 05/11/2008 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ginnny · 05/11/2008 10:26

Unbelievable!!!
I know it hurts but you really are well rid of this arsehole.
Even before you found out about the OW he was going to swan off on holiday leaving you to deal with the news about your dad on your own, which is bad enough imo. He's a selfish git who doesn't deserve another thought. I hope she dumps him too.

mumoverseas · 05/11/2008 10:48

oh solo, I'm so sorry. He is everything said above and so much more. Your life has fallen apart but you need to put this selfish man out of your mind for now, and concentrate on your, your children and your father. Perhaps you should see if you could have some counselling which may help and you should also consider an application to the child support agency whose new governing body came into effect a few days ago. good luck x