Can you get divorced without splitting up?

[chamaeleon]

Wierd I know and long story. I have no intentions of splitting up with dh but I feel getting married was a mistake and its eating away at me and Im angry about it so much. I feel our relationship would really benefit from me not being so obsessed with this and a divorce might do that. There is no abandonment, unreasonable behaviour, adultery etc, no reason to split up which is what most divorces are based on. We wouldnt have to split assets or kids or anything as we would stay together. Can it be done? Dont tell me to talk to him because he wont communicate about the issue of marriage at all.

Iwould go to counselling first, alone if necessary, to find out what is eating you. I think it could be helpful and a lot less expensive.

I don't think divorce is possible in the circumstances outlined (though I don't know the longer version). What is it about "marriage" that you both feel so strongly about?

Iwould go to counselling first, alone if necessary, to find out what is eating you. I think it could be helpful and a lot less expensive.

yes, of course it can be done.

Sorry, slow computer. Am not trying to be forceful

On what grounds?

you might be able to legally, but why would you really?
what would you tell your children?
how would your Dh feel?

There are obviously some big issues going on that have brought this on and you'd be much better off sorting those out through counselling than by going through a divorce which may not solve your angry feelings anyway.

I know what is eating me, I felt I had to get married, I nagged dh into it and I wish I hadnt. If we hadnt told anyone it would be better but people do know and to me it was never a proper marriage as we didnt want to do it, it was just circumstances at the time. Everyone else thinks we chose to do it for the right reasons. If we stay like this neither of us will ever know if the other really wants do do it at some point and I would rather have the opportunity to do it properly or not at all. It was a bad decision I would like to reverse. There are no grounds, except I dont want to be in a marriage that has never been real.

daftpunk how?

How long have you been married for?

2 and a half years. Have always felt like this, just assumed it would go away. I think its fair to guess it wont!

have you been living seperate lives for 2 years?....

Of course you can get divorced (but you will need him to agree) and then stay together. But why is the marriage thing so important? It would be the same relationship if you were still together, just without the certificate. Sorry if I have missed the point but its what between the two of you that matters

but why would you want to???

seriously.....you speak as tho you will still be together, and raise your children together. so why devorce just because you feel 'wrong' at being married.

I am confused!

do you love your husband?

no we have not been living separately and we will not do so.

Its easier if I assume people see the point of marriage. Do you want to get married to someone? If yes then the reason for wanting to do it is why I dont want to be married now. We didnt have that when we did it and I would like to do it properly at some point in the future. Marriage is a bit deal and this one isnt real. I want a real one and it is eating at me that we are living a lie and I will never have the real thing

Do you feel that you didn't have the marriage ceremony that you wanted or you felt pressured into it and/or perhaps later on you will feel like marrying again?

I'd think about counselling (Relate?) rather than legal action at the mo.

Do you think DH resents being married? What difference does it make emotionally to each of you?

And I'm not so sure you could get a divorce under the circumstances. Judges (should) take the matter quite seriously.

Ah just read your latest post.

You could think about renewing your vows/having a blessing if you are religious and 'making it real' that way?

yes, but have you been living "seperate lives"..iykwim...that's the only option you can go for..but dh has to agree...you need to get advice from a good solicitor.

No you can't get divorced and continue to live together as a couple - you would be making a mockery of the divorce system which is a legal system and therefore you would be liable for prosecution if you were to lie to obtain a divorce.

Could you have your marriage blessed in the future instead? Plan for a blessing of your marrage to actually make it real - would that help?

I wonder - do you think your dh didn't really want to marry you at the time of your wedding? Because if he's still there now and not planning on leaving, I'd say he's happy enough being married and you're stressing yourself needlessly.

Your OP says he won't communicate about marriage and you're "eaten up" by this, I wonder if he's just heard enough about the subject? Some -I'd even say most - men don't analyse emotional stuff to that depth, if he's happy now, he's happy (and loves you, and wants to be with you, and wants to be married to you) now and forever.

Have another ceremony, a blessing or a celebration, whatever appeals to you, and get on with your marriage.

Not religious so blessing a no no. I dont think he resents it, I dont think he has many feelings about it at all tbh, he knows how I feel (as much as I do!) but doesnt want to talk or anything. Funny how you say it would make a mockery of the divorce system, we have already made a mockery of marriage. I dont see how counselling would help. I think simplysally sums it up quite well

so i couldn't divorce my dh but still let him live with me for the sake of the children?..

You are kind of right oldlady, but I dont want to get married now and I am still here. I want to know at some point in the future I might have a real marriage and as things stand I cant. Im sure he has heard enough but he has never wanted to talk so that has always applied, even before the first time we discussed it. We will never renew our vows, it isnt the ceremony thats the important bit, its knowing its real