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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Another row only this time he's hit my face

240 replies

FrettingAgain · 19/10/2008 11:26

I'm in pieces and a regular so please be gentle with me

We had a nasty row a few days ago, and he left he house and didn't come home until the early hours, leaving me in bits wondering where the hell he'd gone to. Didn't answer his mobile either.

Well it's all blown up again this morning, same row, except i've ended up having my face slapped. I don't know what the hell to do now, he's walked out again

OP posts:

electra · 19/10/2008 11:28

I think I would consider leaving - he's demonstrated that he's prepared to hit you. His behaviour is totally unacceptable. You deserve better.

Sobernow · 19/10/2008 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubySlippers · 19/10/2008 11:30

you must take steps to end the relationship

physical violence is never acceptable

do you have friends or family near you?

MeMySonAndI · 19/10/2008 11:31

I think that he has no excuse for hitting you, but a bit of a general background could help us to put things in perspective.

What happened?

Penthesileia · 19/10/2008 11:32

Oh my gosh. Poor you.

I don't have any experience of this sort of thing; I'm sure someone more experienced will be along soon to advise.

But:

Is there somewhere you can go? Friend, family? Go there. Don't wait for him to come back.

It is completely and utterly wrong and unacceptable that he's hit you. It must not happen again. Please keep this is mind. He should not, ever, ever, ever, have struck you. Regardless of what the row was about or its severity, this was wrong, wrong, wrong. Find some help right now.

Take care. xx

Original poster

FrettingAgain · 19/10/2008 11:48

I can't give too many details, or it will certainly give away who i am. Our elationaship is being put to the test at the moment, and i've been trying to talk it through with a close friend, except dh has gotten wind of my talking and taken it out on me. All i said this morning to get him steamed was that if he was around a bit more often i wouldn't have to talk to other people about it, then he struck me

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 19/10/2008 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

FrettingAgain · 19/10/2008 11:55

I don't know where i would go, and the thing is when things are good they are really good. I do love him aswell, jeez what a blooming mess

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 19/10/2008 11:59

I meant you need some space, but I see he walked out.
It is hard to comment without knowing more, but I think it's pretty bad when things get violent.
It is completely out of character?

MadameCastafiore · 19/10/2008 12:02

If thsi was a stranger who had hit you you would have called the police - he is suppose3d to love and cherish you - so it is far worse than someone you don;t know doing it.

That advice was given to me on MN about 5 years ago and it is true - he has over stepped the mark.

Do you think he didn;t want you to speak to your friend because it painted him in a bad light - if so that is classic controlling behaviour!

Original poster

FrettingAgain · 19/10/2008 12:02

Completely out of character mrsruffallo, it's the first time he's ever done this. He's marked my face aswell, it's red right across my cheek.
He was as mad as hell when he marched out, so do i wait for him to come back or do i go out aswell and let him come back to an empty house.

OP posts:

Original poster

FrettingAgain · 19/10/2008 12:04

Oh god madameCastafiore i honestly don't know, although it might have upset his stupid male pride.

OP posts:

Nbg · 19/10/2008 12:05

Stay in the house.
Don't leave.

Original poster

FrettingAgain · 19/10/2008 12:23

He's just texted me saying sorryand he's going to the pub to cool off
Well that's just marvellous then!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 19/10/2008 12:25

I would just consider leaving, I would throw him out.

He's abusive.

Call the police.

He's been physically violent with you and now he's going to drink.

skidoodle · 19/10/2008 12:27

Get out of the house.

Hitting you because you've spoken to someone else about your relationship is textbook abuse.

He's now in the pub getting drunk, so god knows what he'll be like when he gets home.

Go to your close friend.

ilove · 19/10/2008 12:31

Get the locks chnged while he's out.

Original poster

FrettingAgain · 19/10/2008 12:31

I don't think he'll come back drunk, that would just spark things off even worse. Oh crap, i'm not good with emotional stuff at the best of times. Where's my common sense when i need it

OP posts:

SylvieSprings · 19/10/2008 13:33

I'm really sorry to hear what you are going through.

This is the 2nd row within a week culminating in his physical abuse of you. Previously he walked out after a huge row 3 days ago.

Did you mention in another posting that you are married with no kids and that was the reason for the previous row?

In any case of domestic violence, the first priority should be safety. Are you confident that he would not strike you again? If need be, there are legal options you can pursue, such as an injunction against him, or involving the police.

Do you have family or friends nearby that you can stay with for the time being? You can get in touch with the local domestic violence service for support, whether you wish to leave or stay in the relationship.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Free phone 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline:0808 2000 247

If you do intend to continue with your relationship with him, both of you need to consider counselling including anger management.

www.garychapman.org/listen.htm

I know you must be going through a most difficult time but stay strong, help is at hand, you are not alone and you will get through this.

PuzzleRocks · 19/10/2008 13:39

Please consider leaving. I don't know how many times I heard my mother say
"when things are good they are really good". When he wasn't beating her he was charming, considerate, funny etc etc. If you don't make a total break then he should at least know that this is beahviour that is totally unacceptable under any circumstances and you will not tolerate it. Please know you are worth so much more.

lulumama · 19/10/2008 13:40

so sorry to hear this

he is clearly jealous and controlling if he hits you for talking to a friend

if he won;t take step to go to some sort of counselling or get help, i would end things

my knee jerk reaction is to not let him back in the house, if things have escalated to physical violence

i am inclined to think that violent men don; change, but does everyone deserve a second chance? i don;t know, i suppose if he has nasty tendencies, controlling, bad tempered etc.. i would be inclined to take this as a clear indicator of how things will be in the future

Blandmum · 19/10/2008 13:41

This assault.

nothing you did 'made' him do this.

he did this.

He will not stop.

You know what you should do,

Hugs

mabanana · 19/10/2008 13:43

I'd take a photo, tell someone, ideally call the domestic violence unit (ie the police) and ask what you can do to bar him from the house. I really do think this would be the end for me - otherwise you are saying it is OK for him to hit you.

jalopy · 19/10/2008 13:44

Slapped cheek this time. What next?

Original poster

FrettingAgain · 19/10/2008 13:45

I know you're all right but it's just not that easy at the moment. I wish i could just say who i am, it would make this so much easier to understand
He's still not come home yet

OP posts:

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