Another row only this time he's hit my face

[FrettingAgain]

I'm in pieces and a regular so please be gentle with me

We had a nasty row a few days ago, and he left he house and didn't come home until the early hours, leaving me in bits wondering where the hell he'd gone to. Didn't answer his mobile either.

Well it's all blown up again this morning, same row, except i've ended up having my face slapped. I don't know what the hell to do now, he's walked out again

try to take things as they come, your grief is dividing you today but tomorrow might be different.
you can't possibly be on the same page at the same time when it comes to something as raw as this... be kind to yourself.

Blinks, i don't think i actually thanked you for bringing that webpage to my attention. So, thankyou and yes i am trying to be kind to myself, it's kind of hard though when like you say, we're not even on the same page.

no problem, i just hope he can get a handle on his feelings... you are both together in this but at times you may feel poles apart.

it's not on the same scale at all but after having a miscarriage, my DH and i had words. i suddenly felt uncontrollable rage and i slapped him.

the night before my miscarriage, i had a dream that i was in my garden burying something tiny in the ground. when i finished i turned around to see a beautiful wee girl standing there smiling at me. i knew that she was mine. it wasn't until after we had DD1 that i realised that she was the girl in my dream.

FA - Does your DH have access to email where he is? If you feel ready, let him know how you are feeling, send him your thoughts, words of encouragement and support. Who knows he may surprise you and turn out to be a writer, or he may need drawing out, little by little.

And don't be too harsh on yourself, PTSD is an over-prescribed diagnosis covering a multitude of symptoms & signs. For now, you both are doing the right thing by having time out to grief, cool down and think things through.

Sending you some music, hope it helps you to relax:
click on link

Be praying for you. xx

Yes he's got email access, although tonight's not the right time for me to even contemplate sending him anything. I'm very emotional so i'd probably mess it up. But tomorrow hopefully i can make some more sense of things and write in a more comprehensive manner for him.
The music is very soothing x

I understand that you love your husband...and I know that you are in a horrible situation at the moment.

I am almost 52 - probably easily old enough to be your mum. Every day I guard myself about my feelings. Every day I think 'today is going to be fine. BUT it isin't!

I am not trying to influence anything you are thinking or doing I am just venting my feelings.

Shabster i'm so sorry
I've had a very long night, waking up in tears several times. I'm not a great sleeper at the best of times, but knowing how alone i was lastnight seemed to make everything ten times worse and twice as big as normal. I almost got up to clean out the cleaning cupboard under the sink. Something i've been meaning to do for months. Sorry, i don't know what i'm going on about now.
My best friend wants me to go out for lunch with her today, she's picking me up but i feel guilty going out to do something i class as 'normal' right now. I understand she is wanting to look after me in a sense, but why do i feel like i should just be staying here. I'm not ready to face the world

Sorry you have had a bad night Fretting

Why dont you suggest she pops to the shops and buys the ingredients for lunch. Some nice Covent Garden soup and a crusty loaf and butter and you have lunch at yours. She should understand why you just want to be at home, I can also see why she wants to get you out too, but she needs to respect your feelings.

he's hurting so badly, but so are you sweetie, so are you. I can't imagine the loss of a child as far as long as you guys have.

(((hugs)))

for the minute I think you both need separate council ling before you can think about joint counselling.

Listen to shabster. she may be a bit older than you, but she speaks from the heart and she knows what it's like to walk the mile.

Please get a bag ready incase.

this whole situation is NOT your doing, he's punishing you but it's NOT your fault, DON'T allow him to do this to you, please don't.

That's a good idea, and now you've said it i actually quite fancy some soup, then we could go for a bit of a walk afterwards i guess. The thought of being in public and breaking down is awful but yes i can see that she doesn't want me to shut myself away. We've been best friends since we were at Junior school together, so she sometimes knows me better than i know myself. But on this occassion i'm not ready.

morning FA- hope you have a better day today

My vote is for Leek & Potato Fretting

That's actually my favourite, and ok here's now odd i am. The only reason i started buying their soups was because it comes in those cartons, which remind me of the old fashioned milk cartons from school, and i liked how they opened. There seems to be great satisfaction at folding those wings back.

FA, just wanted to post to say I'm thinking of you. Said a prayer for you all on the day. Hope it all works out for you. x Enjoy the soup.

I hope you do go for lunch FA. So you may end up sitting in silence, that is ok, the main thing is, you will be with a friend who will be there if you want to talk, rather than being at home alone. If you do break down then let it out, don't hide your feelings just because you are in public, sod everyone else, you are the important one here. Good luck to you xxx

Shabster, your post of 19.08 last night just made me cry, and I never cry.
Fretting... thinking of you. Try and have a nice lunch with your friend. Let her look after you.

We did stay and have a home lunch in the end. Just salad and feta, with a glass of wine which was much needed. I haven't heard from him today at all, but a few texts from my sister-in-law of a bit of reassurance. His brother's taking him out tonight apparantly, which to be honest i'm not exactly thrilled about because they'll both end up having a skin full. But i suppose at least he's not coming back here, but i am really missing him. The house is so empty and still. What i'd give to hear a baby cry

I don't know FA, but perhaps a skinfull is what he needs to start to talk. As you say, he is not coming back to you and B & SIL seem to be trying to do their bit.
Can you get some company tonight? Do you feel like doing anything? I can imagine time is passing very slowly for you but glad you had a nice lunch. Sounds simple, but must have been a biggie for you.

Glad your friend agreed to stay at home with you. Can I be so bold as to ask why you dont have anybody staying with you at the moment ? Maybe you dont want anybody with you, and it's none of my business either, but if I had a friend in the same situation I would be with her right now.

Not sure alcohol is the answer for your DH, maybe it is helping him for the time being, but what about you ?

Will you be contacting the GP first thing Monday ?

Is there anything any of us can do ? If I was local to you I would help out. BTW I am in Hampshire.

No alcohols not the answer at all, i know that. I'm surrounded by people most days at the moment, which is lovely. My folks live very close, as does my best friend, and as long as they and i know we can get to eachother quickly then i'm ok to be here. There's so much thinking/crying/talking that this gives me some time to just be.
What about me, i don't know at the moment. I'm doing rubbish, but talking and crying are getting me through right now.
With our GP you can book online, but there's no appointments available for monday. So, i'm planning on calling first thing and asking for one of the emergency appointments. I know they keep spare appointments, it just means you need to try and call at 8am.
Just being able to come here and offload a bit helps a little. I'm in Hampshire aswell. I'm happy to give you my email address

Well I never, another 'Ampshire lass !!

Would never want to impose and Hampshire is a big place ! My email is [email protected] if you want to email, rather than you putting your email addy on here.

Glad you are having plenty of support from your family and friends.

I have no idea where you go from here but I can see that by being able to talk to other MN'ers it is helping you. It must be hard for your DH to think you are discussing things with who I suppose are strangers but he also needs to understand you are grieving too and by not talking about it does not make it go away or that it never happened.

Yes, born and bred! I'm in the south-east side of Hampshire, what about you?
We came to an arrangment with regards to here, so as long as it's not discussed with him then it's now ok. I need to get over to the bereaved mummies part of mumsnet, but it's so so hard for me to feel like i'm imposing my grief over there when their all hurting.

You get yourself over there, they will only come and drag you over there if you don't.

I have posted there before as I have had bereavements, not a child but young family members. All are welcome and dont let them think you are imposing coz you may just get yourself a whipping !!

There are days when I lurk as I am continually amazed by the love, warmth and raw emotion they are prepared to share.

Top tip, if Shabster asks you to share an apple juice with her, tell her you are t-total, she is a BAD influence

Thank you for talking to us,it cannot be easy. I am in Alton, my parents are in Stubbington.

I've been over there a few times, i think it's more that i'm not mentally and emotionally ready to accept it's where i should be. And i don't know why i keep bothering to change my name either, it doesn't take a scientist to work out does it
I'll email you tomorrow, but i've got a feeling we may know eachother from years back. Call it a hunch.

never, you reckon ? Oh bloody hell

I know what you mean about posting there. It makes it more real for you ! One foot in front of the other, and maybe two steps back every now and then but you can do it !

Big hugs to you, you are doing grand. x