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Original poster

Is you dp, dh,dw your soulmate or a good fit?

179 replies

twinsetandpearls · 06/10/2008 18:08

Just asking as dp and I are reaching a crossroads which is going to be make or break.

It was suggested on here the other week that it is unrealistic to look for a soulmate.

I have a man who is good to me, (usually but that is for another thread) , adores me and dd ( she is not his), works hard in and out of the home, would never cheat or act immorally, I fancy the pants of him and him me and we have things in common ( although perhaps more differences) Should that be enough or would you walk away from that for a soulmate?

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 06/10/2008 18:22

all very abstract

this sounds like something of an existential crisis

joshhollowayspieceofass · 06/10/2008 18:23

twinset, do you think about the guy you messed up with - about what could have been? Or have you moved on from it?

It's a terrible dilemma, especially with DC's. Do you settle for a life that never quiet feels like the one you wanted or deserved (but which doesn't rock the boat) or do you rock the boat and go on an uncertain quest for something more meaningful?

I just don't know the answer. I don't know what I would do if I were in your situation. I suspect that over time, now you are acknowledging it, it will become increasingly difficult to stay put if you really don't feel he is the guy for you.

With DH, we pretty much agree on most things, our outlook on life, and I would say by and large he treats me like a princess, and I often feel in awe of how marvellous he is. If you don't ever feel these things, even sporadically, then maybe there is something not right here. The anger issues don't sound great, but have you talked about what's at the route of that?

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 06/10/2008 18:23

We would never vote the same way, actually he wouldn't vote whereas I am a die hard socialist who is very active in politics.

I am also very outgoing, likes to be the centre of attention, career driven and showy. He is much quieter and introverted than me. However I imagine I would be in an eternal battle of wills if he were more like me.

Onlyjoking I do not think dp is my soulmate but I am wondering if it matters. Even if there is such a thing.

OP posts:
LittleMyDancingWithTheDevil · 06/10/2008 18:23

Not sure about soulmates, really. All I know is that I can't imagine life without DP, and I don't want to.

expatinscotland · 06/10/2008 18:24

I think MI's words are wise, tbh.

solidgold/madamez also puts it well, IMO.

i feel that there is not just one person in the world and in various stages of life who is the only one suited to another, IYKWIM, and also that because happiness comes from within, that a soul is entirely complete in and of itself. it needs on compliment or mate to make it feel happy or complete.

motherinferior · 06/10/2008 18:25

Do your fundamental values, underpinning the politics, overlap? My partner and I are politically a bit different, but we agree on a lot of the stuff that underlies that.

Peachy · 06/10/2008 18:25

T&P only you can know if this is the one for you, but after the times you've been through recently is your current mindset going to reflec his true importance? \We all get bogged down in the day to days, and when those have been rough it's very easy t attach that to a man and think that you aren't meant to be together. I did that with DH after he'd been through smilar to you, took a hood while to get back on track.

But I'm glad we did.

OTOH I left Mr Settled-for-with-good-prospects and amrried for love instead and am very pleased I had the guts to do it

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 06/10/2008 18:25

The anger issues are being dealt with, I think he finds me frustrating as I am an airy fairy idealist whereas he is a very practical get on and do man.

He does treat me like a princess though and I often do feel in awe of him and think I do not deserve him.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 06/10/2008 18:26

Oh, I can definitely imagine life without my partner - I'd managed 36 years of it before I ever took up with him. And I'd lived with two blokes before, one of whom I was quite besotted with. Life isn't Noah's Ark. It's much more splodgy than that.

Peachy · 06/10/2008 18:26

Hmm does he think tat the airy bit is good or bad?

I am much the same and dh is practical but he loves my idealist side, finds it atttractive in fact

JodieG1 · 06/10/2008 18:26

I think there are, potentially, many people who we could live happily with and have a nice life with but that there is one special person with whom you really click and feel much more depth for.

TheFallenMadonna · 06/10/2008 18:26

Dunno. We've been together pretty much all of my adult life, but lived hundreds of miles apart for several years. I had plenty of opportunity to make another choice, but I never met anyone I wanted as much.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 06/10/2008 18:27

I don;t really think about the one I messed up as there must have been a reason why I made the choices I did.

Motherinferior yes our fundamental values tend to overlap, we both want the same things but think the way to get there is different.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 06/10/2008 18:27

(And he definitely isn't my best friend. Oooh no. Love him and all that, but it's a different relationship.)

expatinscotland · 06/10/2008 18:28

'Life isn't Noah's Ark. It's much more splodgy than that. '

I nominate for Quote of the Week.

Bravo!

expatinscotland · 06/10/2008 18:28

'Life isn't Noah's Ark. It's much more splodgy than that. '

I nominate for Quote of the Week.

Bravo!

zippitippitoes · 06/10/2008 18:28

does he think you are a dreamer

RubyRioja · 06/10/2008 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joshhollowayspieceofass · 06/10/2008 18:29

T&P, I feel quite sad for you. I can't help agreeing with another poster (zippi?) who said this sounds like more of an existential crisis of sorts. It could be that both of you are a bit depressed at the moment - is there any other factors influencing both your states of mind?

I often find that when DH and I seem to be having a bad spell - everything is prickly and irritating, there is normally some other factor that I hadn't considered. Either massive fatigue, recently a bereavement (my father), or job loss etc. Is there anything that could be affecting your partners self esteem particularly at this point?

expatinscotland · 06/10/2008 18:29

My parents have been successfully married for 44 years and they are not best friends.

I'm glad for the examples they set for me and my sister - of marriage and partnership, happiness, reality, etc. - because they are priceless.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 06/10/2008 18:29

Peachy my airy fairy side amuses him, I also know he is incredibly proud of the fact that I am a thinker and quite clever as well .

However there are times when it winds him up, we find it difficult to discuss politics as we disagree and it frustrates.

OP posts:
unfitmother · 06/10/2008 18:30

How do you define 'soulmate'? What is it you feel you are missing?

thesockmonsterofdoom · 06/10/2008 18:31

that siounds good to me, you have to challenge each other else life would be very dull indeed.

zippitippitoes · 06/10/2008 18:31

i find it quite easy not to talk with a partner about stuff that they arent as entused about as me

TheFallenMadonna · 06/10/2008 18:31

I would find it very, very difficult to be with someone with different political opinions. Isn't that about values as much as anything else?