Is you dp, dh,dw your soulmate or a good fit?

[twinsetandpearls]

Just asking as dp and I are reaching a crossroads which is going to be make or break.

It was suggested on here the other week that it is unrealistic to look for a soulmate.

I have a man who is good to me, (usually but that is for another thread) , adores me and dd ( she is not his), works hard in and out of the home, would never cheat or act immorally, I fancy the pants of him and him me and we have things in common ( although perhaps more differences) Should that be enough or would you walk away from that for a soulmate?

[zippitippitoes]

well i think possibly you sound a bit unsettled at the moment

make sure stress doesnt lead to any kind of crisis

[QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow]

No.
I had a soulmate. We could never make it as a couple. He is dead now.

My dh is attractive, a good friend, a good provider, he irritates the hell of me sometimes, he "understands" me and cares for me, I love his company (most of the time) and I love him very much, but soulmate? No.

[twinsetandpearls]

And is that OK with you Quintessence?

Zippi I am taking real care, not bringing too much work home, eating well, doing things as a family so as not to end up in meltdown again.

[QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow]

Ok?
I am ok with my dh. I cant see life without him.

As for my soulmate? He died doing what we loved doing together. I did not love him. But we were connected, and I think about him often. But, we could never be a couple. Too intense, and the lovey dovey stuff just wasnt there.

QuintessentialShadow with halloween guise

[twinsetandpearls]

quintessence I think my ex husband and I were like that , there was a real connection between us, so much so people would comment on it but it was too intense, I would not want that again

[onlyjoking9329]

i think sometimes you can see clearer with a bit of distance, we don't always see or appreiciate what we have until we lose it or stand to lose it.
TSAP you have had a lot to deal with recently so things will understandably feel unsure.

[zippitippitoes]

good tsap

i think you probably have a very analytical pscycho way of thinking which is good as it means yoiu have insight but bad as it means you think too much about everything both inside and outside

from many conversations with peoplke this is not what everybpody has going on inside their heads so your partner is unlikely to share this

[QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow]

Best way I can describe it like is Magnetism. You know, get it right and it sticks together, try the other way, it pushes apart.

[Tortington]

i am married to the absolute love of my life. i can't imagine breathing without him.

he has had enormous bouts of huge shitness over the years.

but it still stands.

[Upwind]

I have an "analytical pscycho way of thinking" and I've been clinically depressed. My DH does not think that way, most of the time he doesn't think at all

Maybe that is one of the reasons what we have works so well. And part of the reason that I could never see myself with a soulmate!

[zippitippitoes]

on a practical level being in separate rooms while you think about things sounds very serious to me

how are you going to resolve this

are you going to go to relate for example?

(NO EXPERIENCE OF IT MYSELF)

whoops sorry

[zippitippitoes]

i also have an analytical psycho head

in every sense

but i am endeavouring to keep it out of my curren trelationship

[Cappuccino]

I think soulmatery is just a load of bolleaux

dh and I have grown together over years and years

if we hadn't met we would be different people

soulmate has the whole fate thing behind it

I like the person I am & the person dh is. We have rubbed the rough edges off each other as well as polishing up the good bits. It's an organic thing, a life together, it's not like Arthur pulling the sword out of the stone and then The Chosen One saving the world

[Upwind]

I've just looked at my posts on this thread and realised how gag-inducingly smug I sound. What we have is wonderful now and in general - but we have been on the brink of splitting up several times. Every so often either he or I would start questioning things and/or being a shit.

It stopped a couple of years ago when we got married. We'd lived together for years and years and did not think that marriage would change things but it really did. Somehow making those vows on front of our family and friends meant that we finally made a firm commitment to one another. So we stopped questioning it and we've been happy since. But I don't doubt that in the years to come there will be times where things are not so rosy.

[beanieb]

It is unralistic to look for a soulmate. However if you are not happy and you don't love him enough to stay then leave. Just don'texpect the next one to be perfect and don't expect the next one to hold your interest without at least a little effort involved.

To be honest I would be grumpy if the person I thought loved me was making sounds about how they wanted to move on and find a soulmate.

Ultimately the choice is yours but if you decide to stay it shouldn't be out of fear about what may or may not happen if you were to split, it should be because you are prepared to make the efforts you need to to improve the relationship - both of you. It's no good having a 'break' only to go back and behave in exactly the same ways but hope it gets better. You have to work at it and you have to let resentments go.

Do you really believe in soulmates? If so then go and find him but don't start regretting it.

[Upwind]

Have to agree with the others - if my other half was questioning us and talking about wanting to find his soulmate, I would find it hard to cope with and probably would have anger issues.

[QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow]

A very good post from beanieb.

Your soulmate may not necessarily turn out to be a love interest at all. You could find what you think is a soulmate, it could be a woman, or he could be gay. Soulmate and Love or Romance dont always go hand in hand. And you have no guarantee that a soulmate would turn you on sexually, neither do you have a guarantee that he/she doesnt come with practical habits you cant abide by, such as drinking milk straight from the carton, or leaving the top half unscrewed on the jam jars.....

[Cappuccino]

do you have a soulmate in mind?

I think any relationship has its good points and bad points; the question is the commitment behind it. A new prospect isalways going to seem more passionate and more emotionally charged but that can't last.

I like lasting. It has more pros than cons imo

[zippitippitoes]

maybe you need to click onmthat what am i doing here mormon ad

[Cappuccino]

yes beanieb is right

if you are only half 'in' the relationship, and dithering about wondering if the grass is greener, then you are not giving it your full attention and it will, as a result, be a bit shit

[Cappuccino]

oh god no not the mormons zippi

a mormon accosted me at a bus stop today

[CountessDracula]

an interesting take on soulmates (you have to listen to it all, is v funny)

[CountessDracula]

(the only funny thing on the secret policeman#s ball last night!)

[XFMum]

twinset.... I have a man just like yours. I am deeply passionate about him, he is a good man, he works very hard, he has a moral and caring outlook on life, sex is still fabulous after 15 years, he makes my stomach flip, I hate being apart from him when he goes off on business trips, he is a wonderful father to our three children and most of all, he is my best friend. I wouldn't dream of giving this up to find a 'soulmate'. The definition of a soulmate is unclear. I may have already found him, and given all this, there is the strong possibility you might spend the rest of your life looking for something that does not exist because, in reality, you had it all along.