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Original poster

A relationship between two 14 year olds.

221 replies

SparetheDetails · 31/08/2008 19:05

Posted this in teenagers but it sort of fits here too.

DS1 has been seeing the same girl since he was 12, he's now 14 and they are as inseperable now as they were at the beginning. They're together all the time. She spends ALOT of time here, her parents don't seem to give a toss what she does.

Anyway we were recently talking about booking our next holiday, Florida in a villa and DS suddenly said "oh, please mum...can we take (we'll call her Katie)"?

I said "don't be daft, I can't afford to pay for another one for a start and her parents are hardly going to let her jet off to America with people they don't know!" so he said "no, I mean if they pay, they'll let her, I know they will, please can I ask?" I honestly didn't think they'd agree so I said "ok, ask but don't hold your breath".

So he asked and they said yes he was so excited he actually started crying and she cried (they couldn't be more 'emo' if they tried!) and I just didn't have the heart to say no. They're both very good kids, quiet, hard working, never in trouble...is it really such a bad idea?

Only trouble is, the villa is only 3 bedroomed. Meaning they'd have to share a room. He parents when I spoke to them actually said they don't mind this as they're sensible in other words I think they were saying "as long as she doesn't come back pregnant we don't really care".

DH has suggested that we should let them share a room as they have earnt our trust so far but they're 14! they do act older but...please someone, someone inpartial talk some sense about this whole thing. I'm so confused about what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 31/08/2008 21:22

No idea why would anyone have sex with someone they hate?

MrCheese · 31/08/2008 21:22

oh anna

really not?

LittleMissBliss · 31/08/2008 21:23

A teen is more likely to have a healthier attitude towards sex if they haven't had to hide the fact that they are sexually active from their parents. Sex isn't a dirty word.

Anna8888 · 31/08/2008 21:23

Me, never. What a horrible idea.

zippitippitoes · 31/08/2008 21:25

i was reading about the four types of woman in a sacred text the other day

anna is reminding me of this

morningpaper · 31/08/2008 21:25

lol zippi that is so RANDOM

pray tell us more

tigermoth · 31/08/2008 21:26

Just read the OP and please don't agree to them sharing a room.

I speak from experience. I met my first serious boyfriend when I was 15 and he was 16. My mother really liked him and was very tolerant about him spending vast amounts of time at our house, as was his parents. We were both 'good kids'. I worked hard at school, didn't get into trouble etc.

Very soon, my boyfriend began to stay overnight in a separate room. By the time I was 16 we were sleeping together in the house and, when he broke his leg (me aged 17 him aged 18) he moved in to recuperate and never went back to his parents' home again.

Fast forward a couple of years and I felt totally trapped and controlled by this cosy arrangement. My boyfriend was possessive. My mother was smothering. Both however, loved me and I loved them. My boyfriend and mother got on really well (my father had a long term illness). My boyfriend was the son my mother had never had. It took me until I was 22 to extract myself from the situation. First by breaking off with my boyfriend and then moving away from home to live in a different city.

I missed out on so much - I allowed myself to be robbed of my teenage years, making friends, having casual boyfriends, just experiencing more of life. When I found myself single again, I was very naive and vulnerable. I spent several more years catching up and rebelling before I could settle down.

Please don't encourage anything too serious between your ds and his friend. It is lovely they are so close, but make sure your ds has every opportuntity to try new experiences, meet new people etc as well.

Anna8888 · 31/08/2008 21:28

tigermoth - your story is very sad but surely there is a huge leap between sharing a room on holiday and having one's boyfriend move in to one's parents' home?

morningpaper · 31/08/2008 21:30

not necessarily Anna

I think there is something quite oppressive about pinning down a 14 year old (no pun intended) for a two-week-long 24/7 "DATE" a year in advance

zippitippitoes · 31/08/2008 21:31

well i was sengt this link and asked which class of woman i was

here

zippitippitoes · 31/08/2008 21:32

i think its too far ahead too anything can happen in that time

and maybe it is idnetifying them too early as a couple

morningpaper · 31/08/2008 21:33

that is a very long-winded way of seducing you zippi

I'm sure there are better chat up lines

zippitippitoes · 31/08/2008 21:34

i said i was unique you will have to write it for me

LittleMissBliss · 31/08/2008 21:36

morningpaper- they share a room at the girls house when he stays over. The beds are seperate on holiday. If they weren't getting on she would not go. Or if they fell out on holiday room arrangements could be changed.

So i wouldn't compare it to tigermoths story really.

tigermoth · 31/08/2008 21:36

Anna, part of the reason my boyfriend ended up living with me was because he had been on holiday with us and we had shared a room - it was part of a gradual erosion of boundaries.

I am not saying my mother was wrong or that I felt trapped at the time, but it all seemed so inevitable. I lost the feeling that I had a choice.

tigermoth · 31/08/2008 21:38

separate beds the same room? I cannot see how that is different to a double bed in the same room tbh.

zippitippitoes · 31/08/2008 21:38

well i think boooking something nthat far ahead is pressurising

heck i would find it pressurising myself to agree to go on holiday with my boyfriend next summer already

i dont see any harm in saying no

morningpaper · 31/08/2008 21:39

I thought he had shared her room only a couple of times? It is very different from every night for two weeks

They also might pencil in the holiday as 'the time'

Either way it is going to be HUGE in their heads

Hulababy · 31/08/2008 21:41

Actually, that is a good point IMO. When will this holiday be? How far ahead are you booking?

A lot can happen with childhood relationships ina very short period of time.

What will happen if they fall out after its booked? Who will pay for her share if she doesn't come?

tigermoth · 31/08/2008 21:42

agree that the timing is wrong - so much can happen in a year. They might have grown apart and if either of them have a new boyfriend/girlfriend, how will they feel when these two go on holiday together and share the same room?

LittleMissBliss · 31/08/2008 21:44

tigermoth its far easier to have sex in a double bed. You are under he same covers. Seperate beds at least you can have your own space if you wish.

To be honest they may not even be having sex or thinking about it.

zippitippitoes · 31/08/2008 21:45

there is just too much can and should be allowed to change in that time

zippitippitoes · 31/08/2008 21:46

i dont think single or double bed makes any difference

Bluestocking · 31/08/2008 21:48

Two fourteen year olds not thinking about sex? Oh pur-leeese.
MP, is Anna still gimped up and waiting for you and your McNuggets?

zippitippitoes · 31/08/2008 21:48

and its bad enough taking teens on holiday anyway let alone a moody hormonal couple