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Original poster

A relationship between two 14 year olds.

221 replies

SparetheDetails · 31/08/2008 19:05

Posted this in teenagers but it sort of fits here too.

DS1 has been seeing the same girl since he was 12, he's now 14 and they are as inseperable now as they were at the beginning. They're together all the time. She spends ALOT of time here, her parents don't seem to give a toss what she does.

Anyway we were recently talking about booking our next holiday, Florida in a villa and DS suddenly said "oh, please mum...can we take (we'll call her Katie)"?

I said "don't be daft, I can't afford to pay for another one for a start and her parents are hardly going to let her jet off to America with people they don't know!" so he said "no, I mean if they pay, they'll let her, I know they will, please can I ask?" I honestly didn't think they'd agree so I said "ok, ask but don't hold your breath".

So he asked and they said yes he was so excited he actually started crying and she cried (they couldn't be more 'emo' if they tried!) and I just didn't have the heart to say no. They're both very good kids, quiet, hard working, never in trouble...is it really such a bad idea?

Only trouble is, the villa is only 3 bedroomed. Meaning they'd have to share a room. He parents when I spoke to them actually said they don't mind this as they're sensible in other words I think they were saying "as long as she doesn't come back pregnant we don't really care".

DH has suggested that we should let them share a room as they have earnt our trust so far but they're 14! they do act older but...please someone, someone inpartial talk some sense about this whole thing. I'm so confused about what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 31/08/2008 20:45

In countries suc as Holland there are also very strng religious beliefs, and the morals and ethics that go along with that. Perhaps that kind of upbringing, but in a modern home with effective sex ed, helps to reduce the rates of teen pregnancies, etc.

cat64 · 31/08/2008 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 31/08/2008 20:48

I too am wondering what is wrong with gnd's attitude. Seems spot on to me.

girlnextdoor · 31/08/2008 20:48

littlemiss- how can we but pass down what we believe in at the time? Hindsight is a wonderful thing! It worked for them, and that is all they had to offer me as their child.

My values are more liberal, but it is obvious there is a "generation" gap here too!

As I said, I was very independent and mature for my age, and I think I worked out that having sex at 14 was not the right thing to do- even though I fancied my BF like mad and he me!

The possibility of pregnancy and my parents disapproval was enough to make me say no.

LittleMissBliss · 31/08/2008 20:49

Hulababy- i agree that it is a combination of schooling and parenting. Thats why i feel parents shouldn't be so prudish.

The more open about sex that we are. the more comfortable and confident are children will become and less likely to shag their girlfriend up an ally. Because the fear of being caught at home is worse.

Anna8888 · 31/08/2008 20:50

My partner has just asked DSS1 whether he wants to bring a girlfriend on holiday next summer.

DSS1 said no.

ranting · 31/08/2008 20:51

Well my parents were fairly open and I was allowed boys to stay (but not in my room all night) and I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19.

LittleMissBliss · 31/08/2008 20:52

No you got me wrong. I ment that your parents not letting you share a room at 30. Not anything about respecting your body etc.

I did not say that it was wrong for your parents to have those views. But it would be for you to pass them down.

Anna8888 · 31/08/2008 20:52

Now DSS1 has asked whether he can bring a mate. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

girlnextdoor · 31/08/2008 20:54

well, my kids must be odd because THEY are the ones who are embarrassed about sex, not me!
( Cause it must be to do with sensing my own prudish attitude)

I just don't get this" more talk"- it doesn't follow that because you talk, they will wait until they are older. How do you prove that one?

Do your kids not cringe if you want to discuss sex, little miss- assuming they are not still toddlers?

wordgirl · 31/08/2008 20:55

"There are lots and lots of posters on MN who have major sexual hangups, well into their thirties and more - posters who cannot orgasm from intercourse is a really common one. The root cause of this type of problem is sexual guilt complexes passed down by parents that don't allow women to fully enjoy their bodies."
Sorry but that's absolute bollocks!

LittleMissBliss · 31/08/2008 20:55

Cat and Sag- i ment her parents attitudes (not talking about sex, sleeping in different rooms as adults) but the thread moved too fast for my post to make sense.

georgimama · 31/08/2008 20:58

Actually Anna, I would imagine that a lot of women are unable to orgasm through intercourse because of poor sexual technique and a possibly retrograde uterus, meaning a lack of stimulation to the relevant parts during the oh so dull missionary position.

There are other ways to orgasm which are perfectly easy and enjoyable to integrate into a happy sex life, you know.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 31/08/2008 20:58

I think some people have lost sight of the fact that the question is 'should they be allowed to share a room' not 'should they have sex'. One does not necessarily follow the other.

LittleMissBliss · 31/08/2008 20:59

Not more talk they will wait, But more talk they will know how to be safe, not think that they are doing something really wrong. More likely to have a better sex life because they actually know about sex.

And surely its better for your teen to have sex in their own bed than somewhere far less pleasant. Its easier to have safe planned sex in a bed, in a home where you don't have fear of being caught out and punished.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/08/2008 20:59

"They could incorporate the self worth of girls into PHSE lessons as well as parent at home working along with the schools"

Well yes but let's not forget the boys in all this either. Their self worth is just as important as well.

Parents as well as schools need to teach children a responsible attitude to sex and its emotional implications, not just the mechanics. That is what I want to pass onto my son and I agree with Girlnextdoor's views.

My parents are of a generation where sex was not talked about openly if at all and sex before marriage was frowned on (my Mother was particularly scathing on that). I have had conversations with DH (who is a year older than me at 42) about the subject of parents talking to their children about sex and his parents never had any conversations with him either.

morningpaper · 31/08/2008 21:00

If I spent the night in the same room as any man my boyfriend when I was 14 all sorts of rudenesses would have occurred

It's just NATURAL. That's what their bodies are SCREAMING OUT FOR. 12 hours lying in each others arms saying "shall we?/shan't we/I love you so much" and ALL SORTS OF STUFF will go on, whether they are emotionally ready for it or not

It's like leaving a 4 year old alone with a box of matches for 12 hours

I wouldn't do it, I would worry about the legal issues and I would worry that if they really AREN'T doing it then they certainly will then

Anna8888 · 31/08/2008 21:01

georgimama - the other ways to orgasm are very poor substitutes though.

If you feel happy with your body and want to enjoy sex, you can teach your partner the right techniques to get you to orgasm vaginally.

MrCheese · 31/08/2008 21:02

Do oyu haev perfect sex as well anna?
Blimey.

unknownrebelbang · 31/08/2008 21:02

That wouldn't be the top priority for any 14 year old though Anna, however much talking and openness had occurred.

morningpaper · 31/08/2008 21:03

If you feel happy with your body and want to enjoy sex, you can teach your partner the right techniques to get you to orgasm vaginally.

Well yes quite

YOU

not your MOTHER

LittleMissBliss · 31/08/2008 21:03

Attila- that post was to do with teen preg rates. But i do agree that boys should have the same treatment.

MrCheese · 31/08/2008 21:03

LOL
maybe you coudl buy them some role play outfits

you coudl model them first.

morningpaper · 31/08/2008 21:03

ok anna you will have to shut up about your perfect vaginal orgasms now

MrCheese · 31/08/2008 21:04

in a percetly architectrually pleaseing rom
wiht ehr perfect husband step children and daughter

arf