Dh never happy about our sex life

[dofuckoff]

so pissed off right now and need a third party perspective.
long term marriage.
dh always complaining that I don’t initiate sex enough. Long term complaint. Recently I’ve started to initiate (even though I don’t feel like I want it but usually am ok when I get going), and he’s started saying no because it’s not passionate/no effort from me, and I expect to just lie there and him to get on with it. I don’t but that’s what he feels. The more he complains the less I want it because I’m so pissed off now I’m initiating and he’s saying no.
I just feel like he’s always looking for a reason to be dissatisfied.
I just told him he’s being very feminine for wanting passionate, foreplay, effort sex and I said I’m not the one with the dick. He said he couldn’t believe how narrow minded I was being and went downstairs.
ok I’m a dick for saying all that but I just feel like he’s being a fucking princess and should be glad he’s getting any sex at all. His drive is very high (every day) whereas mine is pretty much non existent. No fucking surprises.

”he’s luckly to be getting any” sounds like you’re weaponising sex too. No person in a relationship should be considered lucky to be getting physical intimacy. That’s one of the reasons they ARE in a relationship. I’m sorry that you struggle with this situation, I really am. But I bet he’s struggling too. As I’ve mentioned in my previous post, he probably feels undesired and knows your “initiating” is no more than just a mere green light for sex, nothing more. You can’t realistically call it “effort” on your part…

Really dickish for trying to insult him by calling him feminine. Its not weird for a man to want to feel desirable and wanted by his partner.

OP are you the main earner?

I always try and it myself in the position of both sides to see how I would feel in that situation.

And although I would hate a man pressuring me for sex, if I was in DH’s position and my DP rarely initiated sex, focused on my foreplay and my pleasure and didn’t make me feel wanted and desired - I’d leave.

I’m struggling to see what your DH gets out of this relationship.
Perhaps for him some sex is better than no sex but I couldn’t think of anything worse than my DP making it obvious he would rather not have sex with me.

@Additup The OP says he would have sex every day, but we don't know what the husband 'expects'. Please note that I'm not saying you're wrong, just that we don't know. I'll use myself as an example here: in the early days of our marriage, I might have had sex five or six times a week, but I would have been delighted with twice. I'm not speaking for the husband here, but I'm saying there can be a big difference between what you'd choose and what you'd be happy with.

OP, he sounds like a truly awful whine.
He reads like a whiney toddler.

I think you have very understandably developed the ick.

Long term whining about sex is a complete attraction killer.

The food thing is deeply unattractive too.
You have my sympathy.

Having read this Im actually feeling sorry for you both. I don't wish to give away too many personal details on this subject suffice to say I have been married far far longer than you & I can't agree with you regarding the amount of years married & sex drive & enjoyment.There are women who sadly have no desire for sex & intimacy after a certain age. If they are married to men with a high sex drive it must be awful for both. I'm sorry I dont have answers other than perhaps see the doctor with view to HRT. I've never had the need or desire for it but many women swear by it for increasing sex drive amongst other benefits.

I’m going to sign out from this thread now. Many thanks for all replies and I will certainly reflect on the helpful posts.

I was using 'expects' in place of wants as the OP said her dh want sex daily.

OK so he’s allowed to say no, but then why ask you to initiate ? Is it just so he can have the opportunity to reject you ? Because that’s how it looks.

No irony whatsoever.

I wouldn’t have it without passion and without foreplay. I don’t have a dick

Exactly. It should be a mutually passionate activity. Nobody would want to play tennis with a partner who just stood in once place hoping the balls would come to them. And then have them say, ‘well I turned up, didn’t I!!’

Neither of you are wrong. He’s not a ‘sex pest’ for wanting to have sex in his marriage and for wanting his wife to be enthusiastic about it and to desire him. You equally are not wrong to not want to have sex.
If you want the relationship to work then you’ll both have to have empathy for your differing positions and to come up with a compromise or solution.

Sounds like you have mismatched libidos. Has yours always been low?

Instant ick from me.