Dh never happy about our sex life

[dofuckoff]

so pissed off right now and need a third party perspective.
long term marriage.
dh always complaining that I don’t initiate sex enough. Long term complaint. Recently I’ve started to initiate (even though I don’t feel like I want it but usually am ok when I get going), and he’s started saying no because it’s not passionate/no effort from me, and I expect to just lie there and him to get on with it. I don’t but that’s what he feels. The more he complains the less I want it because I’m so pissed off now I’m initiating and he’s saying no.
I just feel like he’s always looking for a reason to be dissatisfied.
I just told him he’s being very feminine for wanting passionate, foreplay, effort sex and I said I’m not the one with the dick. He said he couldn’t believe how narrow minded I was being and went downstairs.
ok I’m a dick for saying all that but I just feel like he’s being a fucking princess and should be glad he’s getting any sex at all. His drive is very high (every day) whereas mine is pretty much non existent. No fucking surprises.

......ask him how he expects you to plan dinner unless he' just gets on with it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm sure most men just want to be in a porno, get a grip mate.

Oops apologies just realised it posted twice.
seriously he really does need to get a grip ffs. We’ve been together over 20 years , he’s lucky he’s getting laid on the regular still to be honest. What a load of bullshit.

It's time to split up.

good luck with that.

Hahahahahahaha, whatevs.

Not surprised at all you’re pissed off OP, this would absolutely do my head in. Tell him to take some cold showers the bloody sex pest.

"I just told him he’s being very feminine for wanting passionate, foreplay, effort sex and I said I’m not the one with the dick."

This was an awful thing to say. Really mean and rude and spiteful.

Is that how you talk to him all the time?

I think it's best you split because I can't see that there is anything that he is asking for that is wrong in a loving relationship.

I just feel that me initiating when he full well knows my drive is lower than his is a big thing for me. He should appreciate this and not expect passion and kinks especially when he knows I’m trying harder for his sake.
the fact that he’s saying no after I’ve initiated is extremely fucking disrespectful after you’ve gone on and on about not having enough sex in the marriage.

Men are so tiresome

How is it spiteful? I agree it’s a callous thing to
say but when a man has been complaining about lack of sex for that long , then you start to initiate and now he’s making you jump through another hoop to please him further ?
No.

He should respect your boundaries and how on earth do you have the TIME?????

You need to have a long, hard think.

Forget "low sex drive". Do you want to have sex with the man you married? When was the last time you spontaneously wanted sex with him? Answer those questions for yourself honestly.

If you just don't want sex with him: fine, take it from there, divorce him. But don't blame it on him being a "feminine" "princess".

FFS @LochSunart - there’s a difference between wanting sex with the man you married and wanting sex with him every day after 20 years despite his highly unattractive whinging and criticism. You need to raise your standards.

@FouDeFafa The questions are for the OP, not you.

Ah, sorry @LochSunart , you’re a bloke, didn’t spot that at first.

It’s a public comment board. We all give our opinions, that’s the whole point 🙄

Sorry for believing there are more important things to keep a marriage together besides a passionate fuck.

@dofuckoff Those questions aren't hypothetical; they're fundamental. Not wanting to have sex with your spouse is a major warning sign. You can ignore it, and refuse to face that bare fact, but you're better off facing up to it, first to yourself (if it's true) then to your spouse. You're under no obligation to have sex with him but, if that's the case and reading your post it seems like it is, you need to tell him straight.

He's allowed to say no, as are you

Well I dont think it’s dh. I just don’t feel any kind of sexual desire anymore whatsover. Zero. I could live out the rest of my life without sex, very happily.
I also don’t think he should be expecting so much of me after so long. It’s hard to be so passionate with someone you’ve been shagging for 20+ years?? Or am I being unreasonable ? Surely anyone with a partner for 20+ years isnt having passionate and steamy daily sessions ?!

That’s fine by me! But say no and then stop moaning about lack of it.

Whilst frequent complaining isn't the sexiest... He's not a bad person to want sex with his wife.

If you don't want sex with him, tell him. He can make the decision whether he still wants in the marriage

I think what you said to him was rather awful and an odd implied criticism of what women might want from sex. It does rather sound as if you think sex is something men do to women. But I completely understand why it’s annoying when you initiate because that’s what he wants and then he rejects you. It does sound as if sex has become somewhat of a battleground between you. You don’t have to answer but how are other aspects of your relationship? Does he bring other things that you value to the table?

We’ve talked about the mismatch in our drive many many times and have a lot of issues over it. Me trying to initiate IS the effort. He needs to understand that. But the minute I’ve started initiating, he’s immediately moved the goal posts to ‘but you just want to lie there’ and there’s no effort on my side.