There We Are Then - part 5. Dickswinging with a cocktail sausage continues 🤣

[mummy917]

Follow on from the last thread xx

It wouldnt affect the financials but given that he is already an awkward pain in the arse, he could be even worse and drag it out even more than he likely already will. All that will do is cost the OP more money, for men like him its not about money its about winning.

He left because he had this fantasy that he could skip off into his sex filled future, no wife dragging him down, women queueing around the block to shag him and looking after the kids would be a piece of piss (it must be if his stupid fucking wife can do it, right?!). Except it hasnt quite worked out like that. So now his bitter and angry and taking it out on @mummy917 . When he realises that she is actually having a better life now he isnt in it, and in a new relationship his anger will turn into fury. Better to get everything sorted first so he hasnt got that to hold over her.

OP you can choose to live your life however you wish, I only wish to reiterate that living in fear or anticipation of what your ex husband might do, say to others, or accuse you of, is no way to live. The best thing you can for you and your children is to live your life. Worrying about what he will do, find out or say means that he wins. He’s still controlling you then, despite not having to do anything at all. Men don’t need evidence of underwear deliveries or anything else to make up stuff about their ex-wives. He could wake up tomorrow and tell everyone you’re fucking your next door neighbour if he decided to. Living in fear of what he might find out is not really living at all.

He could do that anyway, he could wake up tomorrow and decide to do everything you’ve just said for no reason at all. What would be the point of living in constant fear or anticipation of what he might do? Making your own life smaller or worrying about how he might react or respond and altering how OP lives her life is the way madness lies.

No one is suggesting she should live like that. Just that she is so close to the end tape that it would be silly to give him any excuse to "punish" her now. He is already being a monumental bellend, why poke the bear and make him worse? His life is not the shangri la he imagined and he will be looking for any reason he can find to make her life shit too, the only tool he has is the divorce so personally I would wait until that was all done and dusted. THEN it would the two finger salute to him and shagging anyone I wanted to!

Its not about bending to his control, its about picking your battles.

Well yes he could, but on current form it seems unlikely as he knows that OP has done literally nothing wrong so all it would do is make him look even worse than he does to one person he needs.....his mother.

I would enjoy the ego boost of a bit of mutual flirtation, but leave it at that for the moment, as it has the potential to get complicated even if you don't mean it to, and you don't need complications at work while you're still sorting out arrangements with Twattoo. It's not so much about living in fear of what he might do, more that you know his tendency to be unreliable or awkward, and sometimes you need work to be flexible to help you deal with that. If you're also having to navigate around awkwardness at work due to a workplace fling gone wrong, that's really going to limit your options. Take things S L O W L Y until all the domestic arrangements have been finalised, and you know the lie of the land better.

Enjoy your flirting and new knickers you deserve a bit of fun.

twatoo might well kick off if he finds out you have a new love interest but there is no reason he would find out, why would he. Unless and until it develops into something where you are an official public couple there is no reason he would know.

also if you joined a nunnery he’d be pissed of, so just do what suits you and let him be pissed off.

What's more important:

Getting your end away

or

Your children

?

Completely out of line. Nowhere has OP prioritised anything other than her children, unlike her ex who neglected to get them the basic things they needed.

Some of the posters reactions to OP sharing she had a mild crush are quite disturbing and moralistic. Even if she chose to engage in casual sex when her children are with her ex, there is nothing wrong with that and it has absolutely nothing to do with her as a mother. But again, that isn’t even happening. It’s a mild flirtation.

All of these comments about her ex finding out and what he would do are frankly extremely bizarre.

Quite. The reactions of some of the posters on this thread have been quite over the top and disturbing.

Oh DFO!

@WhistPie That's totally stupid and uncalled for. Have you bothered to read any of these threads?

No he doesn’t, he doesn’t know anything about what she is or isn’t doing. And he could make things up or blame her at any time regardless. Suggesting that her, very normal and competent valid behaviour, could be a catalyst for that is alarmist.

Again, OP has a mild crush… and has ordered some new underwear. These kinds of reactions are really over the top.

Seconded.

Pie, you can have both - children and fun. Besides, a mum who lets her hair down once in a while is probably more relaxed and feels better - everybody wins.

Plus OP has come across in all her threads as nothing but reasonable - sometimes infuriatingly so imo. She's doing well because of this and she's earned some distraction from having to deal with such a twat on a weekly basis.

It isnt "alarmist" to say that for the sake of a couple of months, it is better to not hand him anything he will twist into a weapon.

As a woman who has been through a divorce from a man like this, it doesnt come from fear but from knowledge. My ex would have twisted anything I did to make me the bad guy (and indeed tried to after our divorce to the point his own mother told him to stop being a dick). But that was post divorce when he had no hold over me at all. I waited to show my hand until after I had got what I wanted from him, which was a quick and easy divorce. Why make life harder than it needs to be?!

You come across as someone who would rather suffer to make a point than play the long game, rather like the OP's ex.

Wow I’ve just woken up for a wee and can’t quite believe I’ve been asked if “getting my end away” is more important than my children 🤣 I fancy someone at work and have enjoyed a bit of a flirt. It’s hardly upping sticks and eloping with said person. The internet never fails at times 🤦‍♀️

In all seriousness though, I do see both sides of things and to be totally honest, I doubt I’d ever have the confidence to act on said flirtation considering he’s also a work colleague, so it’s pretty much a moo point anyway.

I should be in bed, but I have to ask: is it actually possible for a woman to 'get her end away'? I thought that that vulgarity only referred to the male of the species? (I admit to being old and stupid.)

@mummy917 You're doing brilliantly. Ignore the daft comments.

Ignore that silly comment about getting your end away (charming). That poster works their way round threads being unpleasant. Obviously has too much time on their hands.

I had a minor flirtation when my first husband left and it’s turned into a 20 year marriage! Knickers were M&S though ….

This thread has taken a turn👀.You’ve done everything for your children this last few months. Even when it came down to arguments over his share you have bought things he should have just so your children don’t miss out.

Im sure @mummy917 is realistic enough to know what she is doing. She has learned that he is probably grilling her oldest. I’m sure if any flirtations develop she will be careful and discreet. She didn’t end the marriage, he did. She won’t have to live like a nun forever wether he likes it or not. Roll on the divorce!

Ah @mummy917 enjoy your fancy knickers and your work flirtation.

What all this indicates to me is that you are more relaxed and happy in yourself and less weighed down by the bad behaviour of Twatoo. You are doing so well!

Oh shut up you absolute idiot. Apart from you being vulgar what she does in her time when the children are with Twatoo is entirely her own business. Go troll other threads as this seems the only thing school ground bullies like you are good at.

what a nasty comment from Whistpie. For a moment I wondered if Twatoo had found the thread. Still there is more than one twat in the world.

I think there's been some well meant comments here and some downright rude ones. OP is clever enough to know what to do with all the comments.

All I would say is live your life with your own standards, not what others impose on you and I include you soon to be ExH in that.

You're amazing!