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Original poster

Dumped by text completely out of the blue

181 replies

CatzAndDogs · 09/10/2026 23:57

Been seeing partner for 8 months and everything has been great. We've got on so well, shared sense of humour, loved doing the same things, happy when we're home together or going out exploring, passionate sex life, and he has been completely consistent , safe, secure, kind and no red flags. Or were there? I don't know what to think anymore because on the Monday morning after we'd spent a great weekend together (we don't live together) he sent me a text at 7am saying 'Hi [my name,] I'm breaking up with you. I remember you saying if it came to this you wanted me to do it by text so that's why I'm sending you this message.' (I never said that) Then he proceeded to reel off a very well presented but impersonal list of reasons which basically weren't reasons, just saying he had been struggling for weeks a lot of soul searching, but he just didn't see a long term future for us. Now he won't reply to any texts. I can't process this. Nothing prepared me for it. We'd been talking about getting a house together some point in yhe future and he'd just invited me to meet all his family at a birthday party. He had sex with me the night before he dumped me and that makes me feel so so horrible. Am I overreacting? Is this just him being 'bad at break ups' as he said in his one text reply? I feel sick and can't understand how things changed so quickly and I don't know how to deal with this

OP posts:
OldWallpaper · 10/10/2026 14:49

So sorry this has happened to you. It’s a really shitty thing to do.

NancyThompson · 10/10/2026 14:50

Wildgoat · 10/10/2026 12:49

Did that not give you the immediate ick? If someone spoke to me in such flowery language a few months in I’d have run like fbe wind, that’s love bombing and ick making in the extreme,

Show quote history

It sounds like how Nigerian scammers talk to their victims.

Anyahyacinth · 10/10/2026 15:06

TwoKidsMum · 10/10/2026 14:25

So sorry OP that this has happened. I know how you feel because the same thing happened to me 11 years ago. I thought all was going well - we were together for nine months, we both met each others children, siblings and parents.

After a particularly lovely bank holiday weekend together, he ended it by phone. I was completely blindsided and utterly devastated. I really could not work it out as I thought had been going really well.

i finally got back on my feet and at the end of that year, met someone else, who I have now been with for almost 11 years. He is wonderful and 100% better in every sense than the other guy.

I finally realised what a bullet I had dodged when I was doing some idle googling (I still thought about him from time to time) and was horrified to learn that he had been arrested for child online grooming crimes. He was not imprisoned but was put on the sex offenders register. I had no idea when I was with him that he was capable of such horrific behaviour, and suspect that he dumped me once the net started closing in on him.

I’m happy now and in a very loving relationship, but I know how hard it is to be dumped so suddenly, and that it takes a while to recover. Things will get better for you OP. His behaviour says more about him than it does about you. Look after yourself and I hope that things get better for you soon.

Funny …I thought “challenges” he mentions might have been crimes

Either way OP a lovely lady once told me “if they don’t want you, you don’t want them”

See friends family have a big cry. Failing that …go for nails, hair or massage ..the female community there will let you say anything you need to say and probably share their horror stories too.

He is worthless …reset give him a nickname ..the Prat or whatever and fuel yourself with anger

Schoolchoicesucks · 10/10/2026 15:07

Be glad that he "only" took up 8 months of your life. If he is back with his ex, she's got herself a prince of a man, hasn't she!
Ending out of the blue via text after spending weekend together and having sex is cowardly, it shows zero care or respect for you.
It's brutal and hurtful and duplicitous - but in the long run, no great loss.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 10/10/2026 15:09

I was also dumped by text, by a guy I'd been seeing for a year. He said he'd talked to his dad (!) who had told him that breaking up with me was for the best (he was in his forties...).

A few weeks later he tried to backtrack and pick me back up again. To my shame I went back (we'd had a lovely year previous to this), but it became clear that the pattern of 'break up then rescind the break up because it means they will be pathetically grateful to be back with you and will then fall into line and behave exactly as you want in order not to be broken up with again' was starting, and I broke up with him.

Just mentioning this in the very slight chance that this is what yours is up to, OP.

Babybirdmum · 10/10/2026 15:13

This is way too common, my friends ex did this to her. She was so much better than me because she was able to completely ignore him. When my ex dumped me I made a fool out of myself wanting him back. Anyway my friend just completely ignored her ex even though she was so mad at him because he broke her heart. He had met someone else. Anyway it drove him crazy the fact she ignored him, he tried to contact her in all way and eventually even wrote her a letter! In the end he married his new girl but fancy being married to someone who wrote their ex a letter whilst you were together.

Bouncywaves · 10/10/2026 15:19

The man I was seeing who was meant to be crazy about me married his ex girlfriend while on holiday. He didn't even have the guts to actually tell me. I met my very low key husband shortly after - he absolutely promised not to marry an ex while on holiday and just carried on showing up and doing what he said he'd do. We have been happily married for over 30 years. The ex got divorced.

I also think my mother was right. Her view was that the more people declare that they are madly in love, the quicker they break up. She thinks they are trying to convince themseves. And men who tell you they are good men are not because genuinely good men simply don't need to advertise.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 10/10/2026 15:25

Eurgh!

What a gobshite

That text seems full of notes for you to come to terms with:

He remembers you saying something you know you didnt say is what struck me? Has he just finished with the wrong girlfriend? 😃

But if you had the moving in together chat and this is his response mentally kick him in the bollocks and pull yourself up by the bootstraps

Sod him!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 10/10/2026 15:37

people underestimate the physiological damage this shit can do

Don;t they just. I came home to find DH had moved all his stuff out and left a letter on the dining room table for me to find. Two years it took me to get shot of him, I've stayed single ever since: and it's been decades. I'm not going through that pain again ever.

thatwasclose · 10/10/2026 16:07

Cornetto98 · 10/10/2026 00:15

The fact you never said that (about sending you a text) is odd. Do you think he sent text to you by accident and it was really meant for someone else he’s been seeing? Maybe he was breaking up with them as he’s decided he wants to be with you… Now he’s panicking so that’s why he’s not replying? Possibly trying to think of a ‘genuine’ excuse…

Definitely my first thought too.

changing47 · 10/10/2026 16:17

CatzAndDogs · 10/10/2026 12:05

Not much idea. He'd been married 10 years, they have a dd. He said he never felt loved by her, she spent a lot of money on credit that he's now deeply in debt because of, she 'basically just lay on the sofa and ignored him'. He said early in their relationship they broke up a lot.

And there was a weird thing a few months into our relationship, he told me 'So .. I’ve had a couple of challenges with my ex - I’ll not bother you with all the details but it’s all resolved and she is clear that we are friends/co parents only and I am all yours my darling. I truly value how honest and genuine you are my lovely and I am completely yours and just want you my love.'

So she wanted him back, apparently said she always thought they would get back together and he apparently told her he was happy with me. But now.... hmmmmm.

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Utter bullshit. He wouldn’t bother mentioning anything to you if this was true.

You’ve been treated awfully and you seem to have dodged a bullet. No doubt he will try and hoover you back up at some point - don’t fall for it when he does.

Boomer55 · 10/10/2026 16:24

He’s perfectly free to break up with you, but these text and blocking endings are just cowardly. 🙄

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 10/10/2026 16:39

SilverPink · 10/10/2026 10:08

The fact that things seemed to be going so well, he wanted you to meet his family etc, and then this out of the blue makes me wonder if there’s someone else in the background, or an old flame suddenly reappeared into his life.

Exactly, someone he’d run back to if they were suddenly available or returned from somewhere after being away. Still sounds very odd though. You’d think they’d reduce contact then do it.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 10/10/2026 16:41

CatzAndDogs · 10/10/2026 12:05

Not much idea. He'd been married 10 years, they have a dd. He said he never felt loved by her, she spent a lot of money on credit that he's now deeply in debt because of, she 'basically just lay on the sofa and ignored him'. He said early in their relationship they broke up a lot.

And there was a weird thing a few months into our relationship, he told me 'So .. I’ve had a couple of challenges with my ex - I’ll not bother you with all the details but it’s all resolved and she is clear that we are friends/co parents only and I am all yours my darling. I truly value how honest and genuine you are my lovely and I am completely yours and just want you my love.'

So she wanted him back, apparently said she always thought they would get back together and he apparently told her he was happy with me. But now.... hmmmmm.

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That now makes sense! What a barsteward!

TheSquareMile · 10/10/2026 16:45

It must have been an awful shock, OP.

It's difficult to know what to say to someone who has gone through this, but, something I would say from my own experience of relationships ending abruptly in a shocking way is that the thing which is most tempting, the endless wondering while lying in bed and feeling wretched, isn't the best way forward. I know this because that's what I did and it made bouncing back a much more difficult journey.

This will be difficult, but my advice would be to pamper yourself today with your favourite food and TV.

I would go out tomorrow, I really would. I would be tempted to get a double sausage and egg McMuffin plus coffee in the morning and go for a walk in a park.

In the afternoon, perhaps a trip to the shops to buy something nice.

Don't message this man and make any replies you need to do short and to the point.

I think that you will start to feel better after the weekend, I really hope so.

worldshottestmom · 10/10/2026 17:13

What a pathetic wanker to a. Have sex with you knowing he was going to leave, as if you are some resource free for public use, and b. End it over text, stating it's what you said you preferred, so was probably meant for someone else cos he's a gross twat.

Would have just responded with "Who is this? Sorry, I can't keep track".

AlonsoMosley · 10/10/2026 17:14

Am I right in thinking that you had not met his family? He was going to introduce you a birthday party?

I wonder if he is actually broken up?

localnotail · 10/10/2026 17:15

OP, this man is a dud. He is not genuine. He is a fake. Just think About it - he was wearing a mask with you for all these months. You made a lucky escape as who knows what this person is when he is not pretending.

No one can change their mind in 8 hours. He was faking everything. What a fucking creep.

likeafishneedsabike · 10/10/2026 17:17

Laurmolonlabe · 10/10/2026 14:24

The only way to look at this is as a lucky escape- what sort of person has sex with their GF having already decided to dump them by text?
Put him out of your mind and move on- he's not worth it.

So supremely shitty to shag someone in the knowledge that you will be dumping them by text in a matter of hours. Just gross.

AceStar1994 · 10/10/2026 17:28

I think it's time to link this lovely old thread from 2020 again where everybody followed the OP's journey from suddenly being dumped by text out of the blue to building back up her life and discovering a love for running in the rain.

The ex told her "No need to reply" and she didn't! She never said a word to him again and he didn't like it 😂

Truly awe inspiring. Please read through it, OP. Sending you so much love 💐

AceStar1994 · 10/10/2026 17:29

The thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

FelixRyark · 10/10/2026 17:41

I didn’t do this but wish I had.
Friend got dumped in a similar fashion to you, out of the blue about 15 years ago.
She just said OK and blocked him. Never spoke to him or about him ever again. She threw herself into a hobby she already did, and got on with things at work etc. I so admired her resilience.
She told me years later, after she met a wonderful kind and honest man, that at the time she was broken but was damned if she would like that be the defining moment of her life and the Nameless Man, was not going to have a main character part in her life.

I think you should find your internal warrior and fight for yourself and the life you deserve.

Forget this man. Don’t ever utter his name again.

Pinkpurpleproud · 10/10/2026 17:42

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MissSold · 10/10/2026 17:45

The trash took itself out. He sounds like he was future faking with you. It will hurt, but refill your cup. Do the things that make you happy and restored and you will be happy again. X

Skodacool · 10/10/2026 17:55

He’s met someone else.