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Original poster

Dumped by text completely out of the blue

181 replies

CatzAndDogs · 09/10/2026 23:57

Been seeing partner for 8 months and everything has been great. We've got on so well, shared sense of humour, loved doing the same things, happy when we're home together or going out exploring, passionate sex life, and he has been completely consistent , safe, secure, kind and no red flags. Or were there? I don't know what to think anymore because on the Monday morning after we'd spent a great weekend together (we don't live together) he sent me a text at 7am saying 'Hi [my name,] I'm breaking up with you. I remember you saying if it came to this you wanted me to do it by text so that's why I'm sending you this message.' (I never said that) Then he proceeded to reel off a very well presented but impersonal list of reasons which basically weren't reasons, just saying he had been struggling for weeks a lot of soul searching, but he just didn't see a long term future for us. Now he won't reply to any texts. I can't process this. Nothing prepared me for it. We'd been talking about getting a house together some point in yhe future and he'd just invited me to meet all his family at a birthday party. He had sex with me the night before he dumped me and that makes me feel so so horrible. Am I overreacting? Is this just him being 'bad at break ups' as he said in his one text reply? I feel sick and can't understand how things changed so quickly and I don't know how to deal with this

OP posts:
Agapornis · 12/10/2026 11:48

It's not you, it's him.

joanna123457 · 12/10/2026 12:19

It is definitely him. Not you at all xx

changing47 · 12/10/2026 12:19

CatzAndDogs · 12/10/2026 11:47

I'm not doing too great. Been trying to keep busy, met friends, kept up with life but as soon as I'm on my own my mind won't switch off him. I just wish I knew why, was it another woman, was it his ex...
And I'm worried it was because I didn't have anything financially to bring to the relationship. The only real thing he said about why he ended it was he didn't see a long term future with me. I know he was concerned we wouldn't be able to buy a house together that would be big enough for his and my kids, and if I had a decent job or assets I would have been able to contribute and that reason wouldn't be a factor.
I feel worthless, like I haven't achieved anything in my life and I shouldn't be looking for another relationship until I've sorted out my financial position. To be clear, I have never looked for a man to support or provide for me. I support myself and my kids on my own and I have done for years. I talked about this with him and he said he knew that, and he never made me feel bad about not being able to afford a house, but I feel if I had something to offer he would have stayed.

You are torturing yourself. It will have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with finances.

Out of curiosity, were there any disputes at all? Any occasions where you were doing something he didn’t want you to do, or disagreed with him about something?

ClaudeHopper · 12/10/2026 12:22

2 failed marriages, 2 kids? I think you’ve had a lucky escape.

Bouncywaves · 12/10/2026 13:16

I mentioned above that the man I was seeing married his ex while on holiday when supposedly head over heels for me. I am in a highly paid profession. Very financially secure people get dumped too! I tried to work out what it was before concluding it was him, not me. I did change the sort of men I was interested in - I started looking at nice competent reliable men, not exciting but difficult men. I was on a date afterwards with this extremely good looking man with a very glamorous career, car and house and when he told me about his longstanding fear of commitment. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. He had basically dumped his previous partner, a doctor, because he felt, as he put it, "crowded".

Netcurtainnelly · 12/10/2026 14:00

He's no loss to you.
You won't ever know the reason. He hasn't necessarily got someone else people are just guessing.
Whatever it is it's over and he's no loss of that's the way he treats you. Don't text him.

Move on or stay single

FaceIt · 12/10/2026 14:37

“Just very consistent and always demonstrating how decent he was…”

@CatzAndDogs they are the worst sort in my experience.

Now you know he’s a real Jekyll and Hyde.

Don’t be tempted to contact him again for closure, you won’t get it. Delete his number.

PineConeOrDogPoo · 12/10/2026 19:06

how i was way too good for him
🚩🚩🚩🚩

SpryCat · 12/10/2026 19:59

He didn’t see a long term future with you because he was waiting for his wife to want him back. It had nothing to do with you and all to do with him, he was a wrong ‘un. The message about you wanting him to finish things by text between you if he wanted to finish thing, he got you muddled up with a previous woman he had strung along whilst him and his wife was on a break.

Pansykavalier · 13/10/2026 10:40

I know he was concerned we wouldn't be able to buy a house together that would be big enough for his and my kids

He was looking for the mid-life equivalent of ‘a nurse with a purse’…

You are well out of this relationship. And don’t you ever - never! - put yourself down again. You are doing an incredible job in difficult circumstances……. You are a prize!

allaboardthecrazytrain · 13/10/2026 10:53

After reading all this thread I’m convinced we’ve been dating the same man!
We had a disagreement on Saturday and he basically done the same to me but by phone call and not text. Everything you’ve said about him fits mine to a T 😮

SquirrelSoShiny · 13/10/2026 11:55

CatzAndDogs · 12/10/2026 11:47

I'm not doing too great. Been trying to keep busy, met friends, kept up with life but as soon as I'm on my own my mind won't switch off him. I just wish I knew why, was it another woman, was it his ex...
And I'm worried it was because I didn't have anything financially to bring to the relationship. The only real thing he said about why he ended it was he didn't see a long term future with me. I know he was concerned we wouldn't be able to buy a house together that would be big enough for his and my kids, and if I had a decent job or assets I would have been able to contribute and that reason wouldn't be a factor.
I feel worthless, like I haven't achieved anything in my life and I shouldn't be looking for another relationship until I've sorted out my financial position. To be clear, I have never looked for a man to support or provide for me. I support myself and my kids on my own and I have done for years. I talked about this with him and he said he knew that, and he never made me feel bad about not being able to afford a house, but I feel if I had something to offer he would have stayed.

You really aren't the reason for this. It's a classic 'It's him, not you!' I suspect he is back with his ex. Block him now so he doesn't try and hoover you back in when it inevitably goes to shit with his ex again.

Original poster
CatzAndDogs · 13/10/2026 15:01

Update... I wanted my stuff back so told him to bring it to my car outside work. I desperately still want answers, of course, but knew i was never going to get them so I didn't say a word to him, didn't even look at him, just opened the boot.
He put the stuff in alongside my overnight bag and a pair of my best shoes because I'm going away for the night on my own, need a change of scenery. Probably won't be wearing the sexy shoes but he doesn't know that 😉

OP posts:
newNannie2026 · 13/10/2026 15:24

I understand it will have come as a shock for you but honestly its for the best. You are truly better off without him. Bet he is seeing someone else

TheThingOnTheIce · 13/10/2026 15:30

You’ve done better than me . I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself saying something . When my last relationship ended I just left all my stuff at his house rather than have to contact and see him again

Gonk123 · 13/10/2026 18:06

Well handled! He will be back!

Skodacool · 13/10/2026 19:24

Gonk123 · 13/10/2026 18:06

Well handled! He will be back!

OP will never be able to trust him again.

Gonk123 · 14/10/2026 08:05

She doesn’t need to trust him or go back to him. She needs to be prepared for it when it happens.

TheGoddessFrigg · 14/10/2026 08:22

'Felt you had nothing to offer'?? The absolute cheek of it. He was the one with two exes and a shedload of debt allegedly caused by one of them.

So he was looking for a woman with money because he didn't make enough? This is absolutely not your fault and he sounds like a possible financial scammer.

Eggsandavocado · 14/10/2026 22:12

I had a guy who made me feel like I had nothing to offer yet I had my own home and a job and he was a student. His issue was my home wasn’t big enough. He also dumped me 8 months into a very intense relationship, for no real reason, in the next year we split up and got back together several times, it totally messed with my head and made me really “needy”. My advice to you is to block him now before he tries to come back because each time he will chip off a little bit more of you.

thebrowncatisback · 14/10/2026 22:37

men are crap

Original poster
CatzAndDogs · 17/10/2026 09:56

PineConeOrDogPoo · 12/10/2026 19:06

how i was way too good for him
🚩🚩🚩🚩

I'm struggling to get my head round the switch. Maybe I missed a lot. Everything he said and did showed he was honest and loved me but... He was super keen from moment we met, took me out all the time, holidays, told me he loved me after less than a month. Always quite negative about himself which I found a bit odd as he just seemed to have it all together, really good job, nice house. nothing flashy but well off. Although, he earned loads but told me about 40k credit card debt he was panicking about not being able to repay.
Also he kept saying how his friend (who's never met me) told him I was too good for him. He said this so often I started to get annoyed with his friend. He told me all the time how great I was. We never argued. I could do no wrong.
I've had a previous partner who was controlling, violent and manipulative, because this man was sooooo different, had no problems with my work or my family , so kind snd chilled, I relaxed. He used to hold my hand all the time, like literally all the time, he'd drive one handed so he could hold my hand. I found that a bit out of my comfort zone at first but got used to it, thought it was sweet. Everything he did seemed to show he loved me. Apart from how he left. Which must be the real him

OP posts:
bigsquid · 17/10/2026 09:59

Gonk123 · 10/10/2026 11:21

Sounds like an avoidant! He will be back!

100%

bigsquid · 17/10/2026 10:05

Holding hands while driving?? The lovebombing is strong in this one.

Some people are so insecure they go for relationships and just turn themselves into the perfect partner for someone. But it's not real and it isn't really them under the surface.

It can be SO convincing!! And because it feels authentic to you it feels impossible that it is not authentic to them. And it might be on some level. But either he is avoidant and the depth of his own feeling shuts him down, or he is someone who made himself into a chameleon for you and can't sustain that.

I think once you're over it, it can be possible to think back and think it was a good experience. My one like this was the most painful breakup I have ever had, but now at a distance I am pleased I had the 6 months beforehand of absolute roller coaster fairytale love. It was like being in a film, utterly perfect. It was real for me, and I let myself love in the most reckless and addictive sort of way possible. And despite the comedown, I'd rather have had it in my life than not.

But you only get to that place ages later and when you are genuinely indifferent to him - it's not for today.

Fatsnowflake · 17/10/2026 10:09

He may not be back - they don't always come back in my experience and it's not helpful to wonder if they will. Better to move on because there's no fixing this even if he did pop up begging for forgiveness. You would never be able to trust him.