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Original poster

Dumped by text completely out of the blue

181 replies

CatzAndDogs · 09/10/2026 23:57

Been seeing partner for 8 months and everything has been great. We've got on so well, shared sense of humour, loved doing the same things, happy when we're home together or going out exploring, passionate sex life, and he has been completely consistent , safe, secure, kind and no red flags. Or were there? I don't know what to think anymore because on the Monday morning after we'd spent a great weekend together (we don't live together) he sent me a text at 7am saying 'Hi [my name,] I'm breaking up with you. I remember you saying if it came to this you wanted me to do it by text so that's why I'm sending you this message.' (I never said that) Then he proceeded to reel off a very well presented but impersonal list of reasons which basically weren't reasons, just saying he had been struggling for weeks a lot of soul searching, but he just didn't see a long term future for us. Now he won't reply to any texts. I can't process this. Nothing prepared me for it. We'd been talking about getting a house together some point in yhe future and he'd just invited me to meet all his family at a birthday party. He had sex with me the night before he dumped me and that makes me feel so so horrible. Am I overreacting? Is this just him being 'bad at break ups' as he said in his one text reply? I feel sick and can't understand how things changed so quickly and I don't know how to deal with this

OP posts:
Petalsandthorns · 10/10/2026 11:33

This is so fucking cruel. The using AI in such a transparent way as well is so weak and pathetic. You have had an incredibly lucky escape. What a hideous, awful person.

Unfortunately I don’t think you will ever get your whys answered which right now must be all you want in the world. But I do know that the answers won’t actually be anything to do with you. There’s something dodgy going on with him that he has hidden from you this whole time and for whatever reason now is the time he’s ended it. It could literally be anything from he’s seeing someone else/married, he’s a secret sociopath, or he’s a spy 😂 but no matter what he will never tell you the truth. He may not even know the truth himself.

I would imagine it’s no coincidence he ended it before introducing you to family. Did you meet his friends?

TabardOfDoom · 10/10/2026 11:35

Gonk123 · 10/10/2026 11:21

Sounds like an avoidant! He will be back!

Sadly, this is what I am thinking too. Either he sent that to you when it was destined for the woman/FWB that DID say "if you ever want out, a text will do" and he's fucked up or he is an utter asshole.

You don't want to have him in your life in either case. Do everything you can to feel better but I reckon he will pop up and try and Hoover you back in in a fortnight or so.

Block him on everything.

Sassylovesbooks · 10/10/2026 11:35

Several scenarios:

  1. His girlfriend got hold of his phone, and dumped you for him.
  2. He's been seeing someone else/multiple women behind your back for the entirety of your relationship and has decided he wants to pursue a relationship with one of them instead.
  3. Has met someone else very recently, and decided he prefers her, to you.

I suspect number 1, is the least likely out of the above, but it's a possibility.

He's behaved poorly, treated you cruelly and doesn't deserve you. Unfortunately, in my experience the ones who least seem to be players, are the ones who actually are, they just hide it better.

Be kind to yourself. It's nothing you have done. Be grateful you only wasted 8 months of your life on this man, and not 8 years. He's shown you exactly who he is.

Chatterlyssecret · 10/10/2026 11:37

Just block him & move on from this despicable loser.

Stepsisterfromhell · 10/10/2026 11:40

OP, go and read the "Running in the rain" thread from a couple of years ago - it really helped me with my break up. Just ignore him now. Him knowing your feelings only gives him power. Deny him that and keep them to yourself; feel them and work through them but they are YOUR feelings, not his.

nofacenonamenonumber · 10/10/2026 11:41

The best thing you can do is stop texting him and move on.
He may be having doubts or it may be moving too fast for him.
It may be that he is developing feelings for you and they have scared him.

Move on, ignore him. Chances are he will get back in touch with you a few days after you stop reaching out to him.

Have fun

MaggieBsBoat · 10/10/2026 11:41

He’s got narc waster written all over him. I’m so sorry OP.

ThreadGuardDog · 10/10/2026 11:42

CatzAndDogs · 10/10/2026 09:29

I did wonder. But he seems like the least likely guy to do this. Quiet, kind, very self deprecating and with a kind of oh I'm just muddling through life kind of vibe. Just very consistent and always demonstrating how decent he was (how he was nothing like my ex, he wouldnever try and control me like he did, how i was way too good for him). Of course, he's had time after his divorce to do this before

Show quote history

Any idea why he’s divorced ? Or should l say what’s he told you about his divorce ?

Stepsisterfromhell · 10/10/2026 11:46

Stepsisterfromhell · 10/10/2026 11:40

OP, go and read the "Running in the rain" thread from a couple of years ago - it really helped me with my break up. Just ignore him now. Him knowing your feelings only gives him power. Deny him that and keep them to yourself; feel them and work through them but they are YOUR feelings, not his.

This is the thread I was thinking of, I found it quite therapeutic: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text?postsby=user1471427667

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https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text?postsby=user1471427667

Italiangoddess200 · 10/10/2026 11:47

He's met someone else. Block him and move on. Sorry OP x

ClaudeHopper · 10/10/2026 11:48

Such a shitty and weak way to break up with someone. You’ve probably had a lucky escape and I’d bet there’s someone else on the scene.

Now you need to block him completely.

WestwardHo1 · 10/10/2026 11:48

I'm so sorry. He's a cowardly, avoidant cunt, and he was actively deceiving you.

No one can say anything to make you feel better and the only way past the pain is through it, but you'll get there Flowers

LowlandLucky · 10/10/2026 11:49

That was brutal and says so much about him. There is nothing more you can do other than cry. You will recover and one day you will be thankful he is out of your life. Block his number, you don't need to be contacting him.

RelishingGrpSupport · 10/10/2026 11:51

Very sad bigger picture and manner of delivery. You had feelings, L word maybe, thought same coming back to you. Happened to me but just in a walking way, have issues, can't bring myself to say more now, walk away way; never has. Best I've got is that just needed another life direction. "You'll never know". Soft version of bereavement. Like others say, block and grapple with getting on with all else that's good in life.

whippersnapper55 · 10/10/2026 11:57

Oh I'm so sorry what a shock! What a truly evil way to treat someone 😕

All I can say is he's obviously not the person he pretended to be for 8 months! He's an absolute tosser. It won't feel like it now but you have definitely dodged a bullet. Far better to find out now than 5 years down the line, or after having a child with him. Bastard.

Block him on everything, I know you've probably got a million questions running around your brain but you can't rely on him to answer them - he's obviously practiced at deception. Ring round your girlfriends and arrange a get together, have a few drinks and a good old bitch about him! Then plan some stuff for the next few weeks. Keep busy and be kind to yourself 💐

Boxfulloftoys · 10/10/2026 12:02

Happened to me. Together for a year. I met his friends, invited me to two family weddings. We went on lots of weekends away. First holiday abroad and after we returned I didn't hear anything from him for two days. I just thought maybe he was spending time with his kids. I got a text message Monday morning at 9am just as I was about to start work that " it wasn't working for him and "we were world aparts"....

On holiday he had asked me to move in with him three days a week.

I replied to his text and blocked him on everything. A week later he left flowers /gifts in my job reception. We opened the prosecco and the chocolates and the office enjoyed a nice Friday treat.

Happyjoe · 10/10/2026 12:03

So sorry about the way you were treated, it's horrible and disgusting of him - not to mention cowardly.

You may never really know why and yeah, that's hard to deal with. Sadly youv'e no choice other than to get on. Be kind to yourself, do something nice? In my younger days I used to drink as much of a bottle of champers as I could, cry, wallow and allow just a night to feel it all. Next day I'd (with a hangover!) do my best to let it all go. It worked, mainly! Sending hugs OP.

Greenseawitch · 10/10/2026 12:03

OP it sounds like you had a lucky escape.

This guy chose to end it in a really cowardly way and use you for one last weekend so he could have sex.

Ultimately 8 months is a really short period of time to get to know who someone really is.

I would assume he continued to date other people and/or 'future faked' it with you until he found someone else.

Don't text him, block him and move on. He is not worth your time.

Original poster
CatzAndDogs · 10/10/2026 12:05

ThreadGuardDog · 10/10/2026 11:42

Any idea why he’s divorced ? Or should l say what’s he told you about his divorce ?

Show quote history

Not much idea. He'd been married 10 years, they have a dd. He said he never felt loved by her, she spent a lot of money on credit that he's now deeply in debt because of, she 'basically just lay on the sofa and ignored him'. He said early in their relationship they broke up a lot.

And there was a weird thing a few months into our relationship, he told me 'So .. I’ve had a couple of challenges with my ex - I’ll not bother you with all the details but it’s all resolved and she is clear that we are friends/co parents only and I am all yours my darling. I truly value how honest and genuine you are my lovely and I am completely yours and just want you my love.'

So she wanted him back, apparently said she always thought they would get back together and he apparently told her he was happy with me. But now.... hmmmmm.

OP posts:
Agapornis · 10/10/2026 12:10

"I am all yours my darling" sounds like code for "I was still shagging her". He was never single.

RosaNovella · 10/10/2026 12:14

CatzAndDogs · 10/10/2026 12:05

Not much idea. He'd been married 10 years, they have a dd. He said he never felt loved by her, she spent a lot of money on credit that he's now deeply in debt because of, she 'basically just lay on the sofa and ignored him'. He said early in their relationship they broke up a lot.

And there was a weird thing a few months into our relationship, he told me 'So .. I’ve had a couple of challenges with my ex - I’ll not bother you with all the details but it’s all resolved and she is clear that we are friends/co parents only and I am all yours my darling. I truly value how honest and genuine you are my lovely and I am completely yours and just want you my love.'

So she wanted him back, apparently said she always thought they would get back together and he apparently told her he was happy with me. But now.... hmmmmm.

Show quote history

Cherchez la femme

Quick text break up so he doesnt feel guilty
Bullet dodged

ChocolateCinderToffee · 10/10/2026 12:15

I would bet he’s met someone else.

Krispykrem · 10/10/2026 12:15

This has happened to me twice

There weren’t other women

The men were deeply avoidant. After a nice holiday or a big event like meeting the parents, they’d act weird and get cold feet.

There’s a book ‘men who can’t love’ I think.

It’s classic textbook stuff. Of course there could be another woman. Or he’s deeply avoidant.

Tcateh · 10/10/2026 12:17

I've learned through my own experience, my daughter's and through being on Mumsnet for a quarter of a century 😯 that it's extremely likely there's someone else.

Sorry you've had such a shock op. It's very painful I know xx

Databreach · 10/10/2026 12:23

Deleting his heart and kisses message reads to me like he’s worried someone else will see them…I think there’s someone else,
im so sorry