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Original poster

Dumped by text completely out of the blue

181 replies

CatzAndDogs · 09/10/2026 23:57

Been seeing partner for 8 months and everything has been great. We've got on so well, shared sense of humour, loved doing the same things, happy when we're home together or going out exploring, passionate sex life, and he has been completely consistent , safe, secure, kind and no red flags. Or were there? I don't know what to think anymore because on the Monday morning after we'd spent a great weekend together (we don't live together) he sent me a text at 7am saying 'Hi [my name,] I'm breaking up with you. I remember you saying if it came to this you wanted me to do it by text so that's why I'm sending you this message.' (I never said that) Then he proceeded to reel off a very well presented but impersonal list of reasons which basically weren't reasons, just saying he had been struggling for weeks a lot of soul searching, but he just didn't see a long term future for us. Now he won't reply to any texts. I can't process this. Nothing prepared me for it. We'd been talking about getting a house together some point in yhe future and he'd just invited me to meet all his family at a birthday party. He had sex with me the night before he dumped me and that makes me feel so so horrible. Am I overreacting? Is this just him being 'bad at break ups' as he said in his one text reply? I feel sick and can't understand how things changed so quickly and I don't know how to deal with this

OP posts:
TheFirstAffair · 10/10/2026 10:34

What a horrible shock OP it's no surprise you're hurt. But do NOT message him again. If you do, he either won't reply or if he does it will only be a little crumb instead of the cake you deep down will be hoping for. You will feel so much worse.

Unfortunately in this situation the only control you have is to not lose your dignity. Time will eventually start to heal you.

Be nice to yourself x

AlphaApple · 10/10/2026 10:44

I know it’s often said on threads like these, and I don’t always agree with them. But I would put money on him having found someone else.

Sorry OP. But better to find out now than later when your lives were totally intertwined.

Angelchick1971 · 10/10/2026 10:54

My ex did the exact same thing to me and we were living together. He left for work and texted 10mins later. Coward. However exactly a week later I met the love of my life. Fate works in mysterious ways. And so does karma. Don't beat yourself up over him he's not worth a moment more of your time.

LittleMonks11 · 10/10/2026 10:56

Did he text the other woman he was supposed to be dumping?

MissMoneyFairy · 10/10/2026 10:56

I reckon there was always someone else in the background who he's now got back with, don't text him again, block and you'll find someone who can make you happy. Count your blessings you didn't move in together, he's just a yellow belly.

joanna123457 · 10/10/2026 10:58

I’m so sorry OP it’s a horrible thing to do. The only thing you can do right now is give it time. It’s not you, it’s him and he’s shown you who he is. Trust me I know how much this hurts, xx

LittleMonks11 · 10/10/2026 10:59

His gf got hold of his phone and broke up with you for him

LittleMonks11 · 10/10/2026 11:00

Either way he’s a spineless prick. Onwards and upwards OP. Don’t look back. Lick your wounds. Organise some nice things with friends and family. You’ll get over him soon enough.

Crunched · 10/10/2026 11:01

I think this must be his Modus operandi. Maybe he made a promise to himself to never get emotionally involved with a woman (you mention his divorce, was it a difficult one?) and, when you weren't with with him, found the strength to end things.
I am not making excuses for him btw, it was a shitty way to treat you. I worked with someone who had lost a lot financially in a previous relationship and had vowed to never get embroiled with a partner again. She 'cut off her nose, to spite her face' as the saying goes, because she walked away from a couple of decent guys, but her security seemed more important than love...

cartagenagina · 10/10/2026 11:02

No alcohol for a while so you don’t drunkenly message him!

What a horrible shock for you. He has behaved very badly. My advice is to remind yourself that you were brave, you made yourself emotionally available and were a good partner. That all relationships come to an end one way or another, and this is just one that ended rather badly.

Take really good care of yourself OP, as if you were wounded. This will heal in time.

Lozlegs · 10/10/2026 11:04

It hurts like hell and most of us have been there at one point. There's nothing to be gained by trying to converse with him. You need to tell yourself that he didn't feel the same way as you did about the relationship. Thats the sum of it.
Block and delete his number. Take special nuturing care of yourself. You will be ok.

YellowScarfRupert · 10/10/2026 11:07

it’s awful.
You need to delete and block him, stop all communication.
Out there is someone who will fulfil all your hopes and dreams

TheThingOnTheIce · 10/10/2026 11:07

I was with one of my ex’s 15 months.
i got the holy trinity, love bombing , future faking and then ghosting. It nearly killed me . He was banging on about getting married one weekend. I was ghosted the next .

StrawberryMatchaLatte · 10/10/2026 11:08

Someone who can do this over text after 8 months is very cold and I guarantee it's nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. I think sometimes a text is the best way if it's been a short period of dating and you feel the other person may try to talk you round, but after 8 months you deserved more. I wouldn't try to get anything else from him though, he's made his point and what you have to do now is try to move on.

TheThingOnTheIce · 10/10/2026 11:08

TheThingOnTheIce · 10/10/2026 11:07

I was with one of my ex’s 15 months.
i got the holy trinity, love bombing , future faking and then ghosting. It nearly killed me . He was banging on about getting married one weekend. I was ghosted the next .

Oh I also worked with him and he was engaged to someone else we worked with within a year . 🤔 so there was no avoiding them

BobbleBear · 10/10/2026 11:10

Sounds like he got cold feet with the talk of moving in together.

He’s probably a player in reality and probably thinks the grass is greener so is afraid of commitment in case he misses out on something even better.

Honestly, these men are to be pitied as they’re never quite satisfied with what they have and are constantly looking for bigger and better.

Maybe try to reframe your thinking that those 8 months were a fun time that’s now ended and you’re free to pursue exciting new encounters. You will get over him and find someone far more suitable, I’m sure.

TheFirstAffair · 10/10/2026 11:11

TheThingOnTheIce · 10/10/2026 11:08

Oh I also worked with him and he was engaged to someone else we worked with within a year . 🤔 so there was no avoiding them

Show quote history

How on earth did you get through that? Did you quit your job? Did you know the woman? Did everyone know?

TheThingOnTheIce · 10/10/2026 11:14

TheFirstAffair · 10/10/2026 11:11

How on earth did you get through that? Did you quit your job? Did you know the woman? Did everyone know?

Show quote history

No I’m still working there 13 years later but they both eventually left
I did move offices though
honestly if I hadn’t met my now exh at the end of the year I really don’t think I would have survived it
people underestimate the physiological damage this shit can do

Badvocthebad · 10/10/2026 11:15

This happened to my dd in February.
Together 2 years. Taking of future, getting a house, lots of love bombing.
She's still devastated. I wish I knew what to say to her, and to you, but these cruel arseholes are not worth your heartache 💙

Didimum · 10/10/2026 11:17

This is utterly bizarre. I’d almost think it was some sort of scam, but that’s incredibly unlikely. After a couple of months, someone is still a stranger, but 8 months?? What a personality transplant.

Notonmyland · 10/10/2026 11:17

"Who's that?"

Would be the only response before blocking.

Gonk123 · 10/10/2026 11:21

Sounds like an avoidant! He will be back!

Wildgoat · 10/10/2026 11:31

Notonmyland · 10/10/2026 11:17

"Who's that?"

Would be the only response before blocking.

What a bizzare way to behave, who’s that to someone you’ve been dating and clearly calling and texting for 8 :months, yes on a random but not in this scenario

I’m sorry op, often people, men and women can be thinking of ending it before they do, so it seems so out the blue, when they finally decide,

it’s hurtful he’s been such a coward about it, and won’t give you further comments, I do wonder if he’s met someone else.

mondaytosunday · 10/10/2026 11:33

ages ago a guy broke up with me, in that I asked where the relationship was going and he said he didn’t see it as a long term thing, so…this was on the way home from a mini break I had paid for! Anyway after that I felt I needed to know the why etc and he said he didn’t think he was the person to help me work through it. And actually that was so true. Asking the person that just broke up with you for closure is really just not good. They probably don’t have a reason other than they are no longer as into you as they once were. And people can be very pathetic about actually telling the other person. Your ex was particularly bad, generally I think you know that there’s something not right, but it seems your guy was a good actor. You don’t wake up one morning look over and think ‘yikes I don’t want this person in my life’, it’s more gradual. Stop the texts completely. You’ve said your bit and just remind yourself if he can be that deceptive and that cowardly he wasn’t who you thought he was.